How Divorce Changes People ...

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! Well, now that Matt-Man is divorced his life has changed more than you guys can ever imagine. I’ve been observing him over the last 24 to 36 hours and I can tell you that the change has been astounding! Matt-Man has a whole new view on life. Just check out some of the changes that are happening to Matt-Man:

- He is now a Health Nut: I can see Matt-Man strolling down the organic food isles at the grocery store refusing to eat anything that has been treated with pesticides or pumped full of growth hormones. Our usual “What’s for dinner” exchange on Twitter will go something like …

“@Jayman_IWS Oh, I’m having a hamburger patty, mashed taters and some French cut green beans. Whatchu havin’??”

“@MattMan_IWS I think I’ll have baked organic free-range chicken with some organic kale and squash covered in a spicy mango salsa with a bottle of pure spring water.”

- Even worse he’s working on becoming a Vegan and Marathon Runner!!! …

“@MattMan_IWS I’m having tofu and broccoli stir fry laid over a bed of gluten-free brown pasta. I need to carb up to be ready to run a 10K this weekend for Enlarged Prostate (BPH) Awareness.”

- He’s turned into a bit of snob: Matt has given up drinking Wild Irish Rose and Steel Reserve. Instead he will be drinking fancy French wines! On the rare occasions that he does drink beer it will only be a very highly regarded craft beer brewed and a small privately owned brewery that he orders directly from on the internet.

- He has become weirdly and agreeable and complimentary of everyone …

“. @SeanHannity I was watching you tonight and while I don’t agree that gay people have a mental disorder and can be cured through shock therapy, I respect your views and the high production value of your shows.”

“. @MHPShow Could I possibly get a copy of the syllabus a little early so I can take extra time to prepare for the show. I find it helps me to read it thoroughly twice before the show to keep up with your superior intellect. Thanks gorgeous!”

- He’s talking serious about quitting smoking! Oh God! Matt-Man is gonna be one of those “Back when I smoked” people. You know the type! He’ll be one of those people who find a way to bring up the fact that he used to smoke no matter is going on.

“I walked to work today and you know what? It’s amazing how much easier that walk is now that I don’t smoke. I mean I walked here without any real effort at all. I’m not even breathing heavily. I bet I could walk here and then turn right around walk back home and still not break a sweat. You people who smoke can’t do that. Sucks for you! Oh I see what got a new shipment of Grippo’s BBQ Chips! You know what? This is gonna sound weird but I used to hate these when I smoked. It’s just amazing what smoking does to the other senses. I swear every single day I feel better about myself and the rest of my life. Food tastes better, water tastes purer, flowers smell prettier and the list goes on and on! I really hope I can inspire others to quit smoking too so they can experience the world the same way I have.”  

Maybe he should have just stayed married?

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I Need Answers!!

Cheeeeeeeeers and a tremendously happy Thursday to you all!!

I am, as the hipsters would have said some thirty years ago, “stoked.”

Why is that you ask?  Well, let me tell ya.

For the first time in a lonnnnnnng time, I have the entire day of Thursday off…on a regular basis no less.  It’s true!!

I am going to be productive, relax some as well, tip a few, and enjoy with gusto, my new found time away from the Beer Mine.  However…

Before I can truly enjoy the day, I need your help.  I need some questions answered so I can quit thinking about them, and get to the important business of relaxing and focusing on Sunday’s IWS Radio Show.

First of all.  Jayman and I briefly touched upon this a month or so ago on the radio show.  How is it that Jesus’ birthday is celebrated on the same day every year, but his death and resurrection is on a different day every year?  Something about that just doesn’t sound kosher, and I’d like to know the reasoning behind it.

Why does Ed Schultz have a show on MSNBC and a syndicated radio show?  The guy is a freak show. Don’t get me wrong; he’s great to make fun of, but he’s a train wreck.  Also riddle me this?  Sean Hannity and I actually agree on this summation of Eddie; which of us comes off looking worse for agreeing with the other?

Set me straight people…Rep. Vance McAllister (R-Cocktown) was caught on video making out with his staffer Melissa Peacock (R-Slutsville), both of whom are married…She resigns, and he remains a Congressman and a, “champion of traditional family values.”  Could somebody…anybody…please explain the logic and justice in the results of this affair?

If you are a regular reader of this blog you know that we have been celebrating National Poetry Month, which begs a serious question.  If a poem is written in the forest and there is no one around to read it, does it rhyme? I need to know!!

I am still seeing hash tags on Twitter in reference to #CancelColbert.  Really? People are still trying to cancel the Colbert Report because of the Ching Chong Ding Dong thing?

I read an article on Salon.com which interviewed Suey Park who basically started this thing, and she said “whiteness is the enemy” of Asian-Americans.

That seems pwetty wacist to me but hu am I to judge?  But, rell…maybe Suey Park needs to show a rittle wespectful sirence on dis one.  Am I wight?

Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that I have a hot friend who got divorced just days ago…

Is there a waiting period before I hit on her, and/or make lewd sexual comments toward her? I’d like to hit upon, and/or talk dirty to her, but only in the most appropriate, and socially acceptable manner.  I’m a gentleman in that regard.

Lastly…

When Jay and I do our show prep call today, should I wear shorts and a T-Shirt, or merely obscure my nakedness ‘neath the comfort of a silk robe?

I need your help and insight folks; my happiness, and the lives of millions of Americans are depending on you.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Rejection, Heartache, Hot Sisters and the Final Four

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! Yet another EPIC episode of IWS Radio this week y’all! We totally brought the funny for the whole 2 hours. Well, most of it anyway.  We…

Had a great Final Four discussion with both Slyder Balzcock and then from Dusty Sandman and Charles Barkley in IWS Air Action One HIGHHHHHH above North Texas

Nipsey Russell has some thoughts on the Championship Game …

The NCAA’s have been so exciting this year
All I can do is sit and cheer
Kentucky seems to have finally clicked
And UConn is gonna get their ass kicked 

Enjoyed some words of inspiration from Ma Tibbles

Relaxed to the soothing dulcet tones of Paula Piatt in the Poetry Corner

Told stories of rejection and heartache that will live in the deepest, darkest parts of our broken souls forever.

Had a great discussion about who’s the hotter sister. It started with Hallie vs Hillary Duff which we disagree on, but do agree that once they had spelled Haylie’s name with the “ie” that they should have spelled Hillary’s name with the “ie” also for consistency sake. Anyway, we then discussed the relative hotness of Brittney vs Jamie Lynn Spears, Paris vs Nicky Hilton and Ashlee vs Jessica Simpson as well as other hot sister duos.

Heard from the loveable and adorable Schmoop and the sad news she received this week.

Got brought back to our happy place as Bobby Kraft regaled us with some of the most popular and hilarious tweets on Favstar.

Got even happier when Phil Diller took the stage in Aberdeen and brought the funny.

And OH SO MUCH MORE!!!! Totally check that show out!

                               

Check Out Comedy Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Son of God: The Movie

Hiya Chuckleheads…This is the Matt-Man, and today I am spreading the good news of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That’s right…Just like the parishioner patriots over at FOX News, I am here today to tout the forthcoming movie that revolves around Messianic miracles…a movie so SHOCKING, yet inspiring, and never before seen on screen…

The movie to which I refer?

Son of God.

Damn right…The 20th Century Fox movie, Son of God, based upon the successful HBO miniseries, The Bible, will be released this Friday, February 28th in theaters nationwide.

Son of God is produced by legendary TV guy, Mark Burnett, and his quasi-hot, actress wife, Roma Downey, of Touched by an Angel fame…

Well?  For some strange reason, the FOX News network is all over this, and have invited the Jesus producing couple onto their network nativity 24/7 the past few days, in order to promote the Son of God movie.

I understand the network promoting a movie by a sibling company, but Jesus Christ, FOX News has been all over the release of this movie like the lips of Judas upon the Son of God’s cheek.  And…FOX’s coverage is nearly as wet and grotesque.

The other night, Sean Hannity had a forty member or so “focus group” on his show, in order to critique the Son of God film which they were allowed to preview.

The focus group, made up of diverse right-wing Christian Conservatives such as Sean Hannity himself, gave it eighty thumbs up!!

I would have thought there might have been at least one Judas in the “diverse” focus group who only gave it one thumb up, but…no.  Praise Jeebus!!

I know…I know…

FOX News is praising this movie because it allows them to sing to the choir of their demographics.  Right-wing…Christian…God-Fearing people who everyday hear from FOX News, that Christians are day by sad Muslim loving day, being diminished, discriminated against, and ostracized, because well…

The 2-8% of non-Christians in America have been, and continue to, deface nativity scenes, kick Santa Claus out of cancer centers, and have sucked the once-powerful truth serum of laying one’s hands on the Bible prior to giving testimony during a court proceeding.

Fucking non-Christian antagonists!!

I understand where Hannity and FOX News are coming from.  They talk about how that Liberal snake-pit of Hollywood has failed to release a movie about the life of Jesus from birth to resurrection since the Greatest Story Ever Told was released some 49 years ago.

Oh sure, there have been more than a few dozen movies about Jesus in the meantime, but none that have covered his entire life from manger to ascension…and like most of my fervent Christian friends like Sean Hannity and William Donohue, I too, have found that troubling.

Not a day has gone by since 1965 that I haven’t cursed Hollywood for not making an updated, uber complete, life of Jesus movie.  It’s what I longed for, ever since FOX News told me to.

Ha…whatever.

FOX News exists in order to generate ratings and revenues like any other network, and currently they are doing it by playing the Son of God movie angle to their viewers.

That’s fine by me…however, I do have a bone to pick about this movie being heralded by FOX News to be the ENTIRE story of Jesus…

Jesus is supposed to come back one day; so, the movie is not complete, nor his story over.  And if, and when, the J-Man does come back…

Will he appreciate you guys at FNC exploiting his good will in order to pump up your ratings?

I don’t fucking think so.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...XLVIII

Matt kicks off.  Jay runs it back.  You throw a flag for delay of the IWS Radio Show.

Matt: Hellroooooooo?
Jay:  Glad you finally realized that today is Show Prep Day.
Matt:  Well with Schmoop here everyday, I never know what day it is.
Jay:  Yeah…When she was working, and was home during the day, you knew it was Saturday or Sunday.
Matt:  I know, right?  And now?  I am completely lost, day of the week wise.
Jay:  Man…it’s hard being you.
Matt:  Pffffffffffft.  Don’t I know it.

Jay:  So, I guess we should not do a show this Sunday since it’s Super Bowl Sunday.
Matt:  Yeah…It’s a shame, but for some reason the Super Bowl is more interesting than our comedy.
Jay:  I don’t get that.
Matt:  Me neither.
Jay and Matt:  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Matt and Jay:  Plus, it would be nice to be able to watch the big game ourselves.  Hey-Ooooooooooooo!!

Jay:  Super Bowl Sunday is a good time…a few drinks…
Matt:  Some salty snacks…
Jay:  America coming together for four quarters…
Matt:  The dulled excitement of Joe Buck calling the game…
Jay:  If only Troy Aikman would feign a post-concussion seizure and deck that idiot.  That would be awesome!!
Matt:  Joe Buck’s neutrality as a human being, needs to be punched.
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  On the upside, Pam Oliver will be on the sidelines.  Mmmmmmmmm, Pam.
Jay:  Oh Hell Yeah…So will Erin Andrews; I hope the angry black man doesn’t frighten her again!!
Matt:  If he does, Sean Hannity will be all up in his ass.
Jay:  Ha…Sean Hannity couldn’t kick Erin Andrews’ ass, let alone Richard Sherman’s.
Matt:  Ha.  Word.

Jay:  So no show this Sunday, but we will be back February 9th.
Matt:  Damn straight, and it will be our Valentine’s Day Show.
Jay:  The Day of Heartache for female office workers who get one-upped by their female co-workers.
Matt:  It’s so sad when a chick feels less loved than her next-door cubicle buddy.
Jay:  It’s a fucking shame.
Matt and Jay:  Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Matt:  Alright then…We’ll take this Sunday off during Super Bowl XLVIII, and come back February 9th.
Jay:  Sounds like a good plan.
Matt:  Enjoy your snacks and all of the gridiron action.
Jay:  You do the same, and pray for a costume malfunction involving Pam Oliver.
Matt:  I always do.

Jay and Matt:  Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
   

Matt Said, Jay Said...White Santa Said!!

Cheeeeeeeeeers and Ho Ho Hooooooooooola!!

White Santa here in order to hijack the typical Saturday IWS Radio edition of Matt Said, Jay Said, and turn it into, Santa Said!!

Is there a problem with me doing that just a few days before Christmas?  I make lists and name names y’know…

Okay then…I didn't think you would mind.

Let me tell you folks…Jay and Matt are going to be putting on a spectacular IWS Radio Christmas Show tomorrow.

They are going to be celebrating Christmas as it was intended to be celebrated…lots of laughs, friendly banter, hospitality, great music, and non-stop hilarity that will shine brighter than my franken-reindeer Rudolph’s nose.

Ho Ho Ho.  And as a special bonus…

Jay and Matt have promised me, that for each and every person who listens LIVE, a blind dog will get the gift of sight, and Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity will shut the fuck up about that duck fucking, Jim Crow-Loving puddle of primordial goo who has for whatever reason, captured the attention and admiration of much of a nation.

In addition to that, if you call in at 661.244.9852 and are funny and/or otherwise nice to them, you may get a sugar plum.

But Santa, you ask…Why should I listen?

Let me tell you why, my wonderfully thus far, behaved boys and girls…

Tomorrow’s,  Have a Holly Jolly Festivus radio show (which airs LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET) is chock full of comedy, Christmas readings, music, and dozens of well-wishes from the vast and diverse worldwide audience that Jay and Matt who for reasons unexplained, have captured over the years.

And yeah…

They may even mention the Holy Baby Jesus.  In fact, in addition to the sexy Trinity of Jay, Matt, and the Holy Baby Jesus…

Kirk Douglas, Bobby Kraft, Dixie Ozark, Schmoop, Slyder Balzcock, Paul Piatt, Malcolm Eckstein, Jamie, Buddy Acapella, Stubby Stonehenge, and among others, yours truly…Santa Claus are scheduled to appear.

Tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET, don’t lazily saunter to your computer, drink a cup of hot chocolate and RUN to your computer, EMBRACE your computer, and click onto, and participate in the IWS Radio Show on Blog Talk Radio.

If you don’t…You are going to be on Santa’s naughty list.  And?

Dozens of dogs will remain blind and Sean Hannity will be having oral sex with Sarah Palin, and really?

Who needs to see and/or know about that?

To listen to the IWS Radio Have a Holly Jolly Festivus Show from Noon-2 PM ET click HERE!!

Hump Day Hodgepodge

Cheeeeeeeers and Happy Hump Day Chuckleheads!!

A whole lotta nothing exciting going on around here, or is there?

Let’s find out, by just letting the personal headlines from my head ooze out onto the always artful pages of the IWS website.

Dateline…Commonwealth of Virginia…Headline reads…

Terry “I’m a Carpet Bagging Car Salesman” McAuliffe defeats Ken “Transvaginal Ultrasound” Cuccinelli to win the title of, Slightly Less Creepy of the Two Old Dominion Gubernatorial Candidates.

Dateline…Bagwine, Ohio Apartment 102...New Furnace Installed, Schmoop Gets Hot Just Looking at It.

The always cold IWS Radio bit player Schmoop, shone a rare smile today when she eyed a new Goodman furnace nestled snugly within the IWS Bagwine Studio.  Isn't it pretty?

Upon final installation of said furnace, she chirped…

“Sweet!!  Now I can quit using Matt-Man as a blanket, send him back to his couch, and get eight hours of quality, undisturbed sleep every night.  Praise Jeebus!!”

Sometimes when Schmoop speaks extemporaneously and I am within ear shot, it is quite hurtful, but…I sally forth, and hide my hurt and bitterness from her.  I only cry when she goes to work, or when I am at work, or…when she rests with a smile upon her face while I TYPE IN ANGER!!

Kidding, of course…sorta.

Anyhoo…

When I read my timeline on Twitter…I almost always say to myself, “America certainly does get the government she deserves.”

The tweets from the right and the left are enough to propel Hitler, Hindenburg, Stalin, and Trotsky to get along, and all the while asking each other…

“Let’s see if Roosevelt and Churchill would like to come over for drinks and a wicked game of charades.”

If America, any country, or the fragile sanity of the world is to survive, we all need to let go of this, “You’re either with me or against me” bullshit.

You know what’s funny?

Outraged TRUE conservatives like Sean Hannity and his tea bagging partiers want reform, and yet…

They cling like Socialists to the political meal ticket of the GOP.  They claim that they want reform, but don’t have the guts nor the electability to do it on their own, so?

They whine about their own party, which of course, they do “in no way belong”…

What?  Fucking pussies.

Left wing Democrats?  They are euphoric.  In spite of themselves and a President who couldn’t lead a baloney sandwich and a bag of pretzels from its paper bag into the mouth of a hungry, lunch-time sixth grader, celebrate the victory of last night’s elections.

What a joke.

Nobody cares about governing.  Nobody cares.  Left, Right, Conservative, or Liberal.  Nobody cares about you or I. Or about Peter, about Paul, about Shirley.  Ha!!

You thought I was going to say Mary, didn’t you?

Eh…Politicians just want to get re-elected, and folks like Hannity, Maddow, and others, just want to get ratings.

Many Americans want to be part of a winning team.  Whether it be a football team, a Baseball team, or sadly, a political party.

They want to win.  Unfortunately, while electioneering is a game of skill and chance, governing is not, and that is where Americans blow it.  A 51% to 49% vote total is not a win if the man or woman that we elected has no idea how to govern.

And lastly…

A shout-out to Jayman and his family, as oft time mentioned Nana Creta passed away yesterday afternoon at the age of 95.  I often made jokes about her longevity, and feel a missing of her already.

I dig anyone who can transcend the averages like she did, and am saddend by her passing.  So…

Pass your heart felt sympathies on to Jayman and his family today, if you would.  I am sure he would appreciate it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Hot Sex is the Secret to Ending the Cold War of the Shutdown

Cheeeeeeeeers, and a Happy Tuesday to ya, Chuckleheads!!

Y’know?

I hate it when I have nothing topical to write about that excites me, but when I am in that type of pattern and just not “feelin’ it”, I try to think of things in general that excite me, make me mad, or more often than not, make me laugh.

I am burned out by the 24/7 news coverage of the Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown impasse that is raging like an out of control wildfire burning slowly and painfully like an ember at the Millard Fillmore Perpetual Pyre of Obscurity, which of course is still open because it receives no Federal funding and well…doesn't really exist, but anyhoo…

The only redeeming thing about the incessant and repetitive coverage of this latest American political crisis, is the fact that cable news pundits, talk radio hosts, and viewers and callers of, and to, such media venues headline an all-star and Tony Award winning cast in the newest American stage comedy classic…

“Buffoonery, Hypocrisy, and Ideology on Parade!!”

Oy Vey folks!!  What the hell is wrong with these people on TV, Radio, and their audiences?

It’s as though the late Timothy Leary has taken over programming for every damn political TV and Radio show, and at the same time is the host, guest, and caller-in to every damn show!!

It’s cwazy, wacky and it’s making my head spin, making me laugh, and making me feel much better about myself than I ever had, well…other than that one time at Bowling Green State University in 1983 when I had hot post-Homecoming sex with a Republican chick named Ann Barlage. Mmmmmmmmm…

That was some hot bi-partisan sex right there boy!!  See, unlike the ideologues of today, both in the media and the Congress…

We reached across the aisle, agreed to disagree, and then filibustered the hell out of each other until the second Sunday in October sun rose, and while creeping through the blinds, dappled us, and the empty wine bottles, with her golden crepuscular rays that said unto Ann and I…

“Your motions were more than well approved by one and other.  Now go, and sin no more.”

See?

Why is it so hard for Rush Limbaugh to get along with Rachel Maddow?  Why is it so difficult for Sean Hannity to say that Joe Scarborough is not a RINO?

Why in the hell can’t Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin think of Barack Obama and Joe Biden as swell dudes?  And why can’t Rachel, Joe, Barack, and Joe think the same of them!?

Because people…A bitter, monocular, and turgid ideology is hard to overcome, but the answer is so simple, and that is what makes me laugh about all of this Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown bullshit.

If like Ann and I, Limbaugh had sex with Maddow.  And Hannity had sex with Scarborough.  And then we made a porn film called, Ted, Sarah, Barack, and Joe, and What Harry Reid Saw, all would be right with the world, and America could move forward.

It’s not that hard, and ideally…Maybe if Joe Scarborough plays his cards right, he could have sex with Sean; Sean could get divorced as well, and Joe could make Hannity his third wife.

But…baby steps…Let’s just get America back onto the road to recovery for now, and think about the Irish nuptials later.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

National Coming Out Day

Cheeeeeers and Happy Friday Chuckleheads!!  You know what today is?

That’s right…

National Coming Out Day!!

And let me tell ya…

If I, as a fine heterosexual father whose kid hates me because I live in sin with a whore can acknowledge that I live a deviant and less than Godly lifestyle; other people who live, shall we say, a less than “righteous” lifestyle, should be able to man up as well.

Er…maybe “man up” is not the phrase…perhaps, “Sally forth, and admit that you are gay, or just a complete asshole.”, would be better.

Anyhoo…

Since today is National Coming Out Day, I would like to give a shout out to some folks who, with a nudge from me, will come out and admit that they are gay, or a complete asshole.

Corey Booker…Mayor of Newark, NJ., and candidate for the U.S. Senate from New Jersey?  You are one gay, mutha-shut-your mouth brutha.  Holy Cow Cor-Boy.

You are well-kempt.  Well-shaven.  Well-everything, and you are a media darling.  You want to hide your true sexuality behind your recent tweet toward a female stripper, but we all know…

You are the black, yet not too black Jim McGreevey, and we appreciate you keeping your gayness at home in Newark, and not taking up space at a rest stop along the New Jersey Turnpike where gay redneck truckers and gay redneck bikers coincidentally meet in order to show their manliness, curse Obama, and all the while, take it up the ass.

Seriously Corey...You are the Bruce Vlanch of New Jersey politics.  It's okay.  Take your Senatorial seat and/or Emmy and shut the hell up.

Sean Hannity…You know dude?  You need to come out and admit that you are biggest douche bag in the history of TV and Radio.  I call you a douche bag because, well…you have a vagina, and sometimes you need one.  You are a girly-man.  You keep saying…

“The Republican Party should do this, and the Republican Party can’t back down.  The Republican Party should elect this guy in District Whatevah.”  But…

As you proudly and incessantly say on your radio show…

“I am not a Republican.  I am a registered Conservative in the State of New York.”

You are, but…You only say that to give yourself cover.  You are a Republican through and through, and if they go down, you can conveniently say that you are not a Republican.

Grow some balls Sean, and conversely, could Sarah Palin please lose the balls that she thinks she has, and go back into the closet of pseudo-manliness?

She is going to be in New Jersey this weekend in order to campaign for Corey Booker’s Senate opponent, Steve Lonegan.

Call me crazy, but as self-aggrandizing as Corey Booker is, I don’t think an egotistical, vapid as the Sahara is dry, right wing numbskull, such as Sarah Palin is going to move the NJ Senate poll numbers much.

And lastly…You know who else should come out of the closet?

John Boehner.

I mean, c’mon…He grew up in the hardworking, blue-collar town of Cincinnati, and worked from dawn to dusk at his family’s bar.  And yet…

He cries often.

I’m thinking his family’s bar was a gay bar; because at real, true, American, straight bars…there is no crying.

It’s time to come out, Speaker Boehner...It's time to come out.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Happy 9/11 America!!

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy 9/11 to you all!!

Today marks the 12th Anniversary of the attacks by Al-Qaeda upon the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and an additional, yet thwarted terrorist mission, that in all, left over 3,000 innocent people dead.

In order for you to better enjoy and make a social splash while observing this tragic date, I have a few tips for you.

First of all…For those of you who follow traditional anniversary etiquette, keep in mind that the 12th Anniversary, is the Silk Anniversary.

So if you plan to surprise someone with a Happy 9/11 Anniversary present, a silk robe for your hot patriotic man would be great, and for that star-spangled lady in your life, silk pajamas make an excellent gift idea.

If you are going to feign reflection, remorse, and a bit of outrage on this day, you may as well feign away while ensconced in the comfort of cool, comfortable, and finely woven Chinese silk, especially during this unusual September heat wave!!

Secondly…in order to begin your day of remembrance off to a good, healthy, my country right or wrong start, you need to put something up on Facebook to pronounce to the world and to your “friends”, that you have not forgotten.

A picture of the Twin Towers along with a quote that says, “Never Forget” is always nice, but if you want to be an amber waves of grain show stopper…Simply post “Proud to be An American” by Lee Greenwood or “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith.

Once you have done your rise-and-shine, pre-requisite posting on Facebook, and have spent four hours at work, it’s time to exhale some of that emotional distress that has been building inside of you.  So, here’s a thought…

Getting together for lunch with colleagues with you whom work, would be great way to celebrate as well, and rid yourself, for a brief moment anyway, of that post-9/11 angst.

You could meet up at a good and wholesome American eatery such as Appleby’s, Pizza Hut, or P.F. Chang’s and reminisce about where you were and what you were doing when the attacks went down.

Misery loves company, and it loves it even more while eating Crab Rangoon, and grazing upon an All-You-Can-Eat salad bar.  And make certain to tip your waiter or waitress well today, because he or she is probably as reflective and sullen as you, but being the customer service professional that he or she is?  Is not permitted to “let it out.”

Now when you get home today and want to make a special, Happy 9/11 dinner for your introspective family, I have a suggestion.

In honor of all of the airline passengers who died on 9/11, serve your family an airline meal…

Of course, a great meal needs to finish with a great dessert (especially if you have kids), so why not a special 9/11 cake..?

And to mark the end of your special anniversary day, you can listen to and dance along to Sean Hannity blessing our troops, and putting you and all of America on guard saying that this will happen again as long as Barack Obama is President.

A perfect ending to a perfect day of celebration.

I hope I have helped you out, and I hope you enjoy your Happy 9/11 Day as much as the marketers, the pundits, and the politicians do every year.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Ohio State Football Fans and All Americans Are Stupid

Cheeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

I hope all of you enjoyed your weekend and that football fans everywhere enjoyed their first full weekend of the 2013 NFL and NCAA football season.

There were a lot of great games, last minutes heroics, but mostly, drunken shenanigans in the name of football, and I appreciate that.

I love this time of year.  It is still summer, but the nights are sometimes cool, and there is of course, the glory and partying associated with football taking place.

This time of year is like Christmas in September and Labor Day in December, and no matter which way you slice it or parse it, those two holidays are analogous…or not.

Anyhoo…

I do have a problem with football fans these days and a problem with football in general.  Want to hear my problems with the sport and/or event that we call football?  No?

Good, and I am anxious to write about it.

Over the past decade, the number of football fans has exploded, but here’s the thing.  Many of these so-called fans, aren’t really football fans.

They are at best sunshine football patriots who enjoy throwing a party, a feeling of belonging, and at faux fandom’s worst…

Get to weave their hard life realities into the game day dialogue about “their team.”

Y’know?  That last one…the “my team thing?”  That drives me crazy!!

I don’t know about you, but here in Ohio, ninety percent of the college football “fans” are Ohio State fans.

And for some odd reason, the ninety-nine percent of OSU fans of whom I speak, have no personal association, connection, nor anything in common with OSU other than they are both located in Ohio, and like those who do attend OSU, the fans can neither read nor write.

I’m not an entirely stupid guy, but one thing I have never understood, is this slobbering, incoherent, live and die, cry if “my team” loses, mindset.  OSU fans that I know are like this, and I am sure that there are many more.

Okay so you went to school there and even if you weren’t on the team you can be an uber fan, but if you didn’t go there and are still a voracious fan, you have issues…issues with which, I am intrigued, but would rather know nothing about.

NFL fans are just as bad, and as they are typically older, it may even be a bit more disturbing…

I am eighty miles from Paul Brown Stadium and three times that distance from Cleveland and yet, on a weekend basis during football season, I will see at least three dozen grown men wearing OSU, Michigan, Notre Dame, Bengals and/or Browns jerseys etc…

And I say to myself…

“Self, why are there jersey wearing adult men and women crying over a loss and celebrating over a win with which they had nothing to do…other than to watch others do it?”

See?  It’s okay to wear a tasteful T-Shirt or what not in order to show some subtle and tasteful support fro a team, but when a grown person wears a jersey, it only exacerbates that abnormal thought in their head that they are part of the team.

So please, stop it.  It’s getting out of hand.

I actually read on Facebook this week a comment from a Steelers fan commenting to one of his friends…

“Don’t talk to me until your team has won five Super Bowls like mine has.”

I am sure….well, I hope he was joking…but it was the, “I am actually on the team” feel in his comment that gave me a case of the goo.

The worse thing is, this fanatic feeling of rooting for and wanting to win, has invaded our psyche, the governing of our nation, and the political discourse that takes place in the media.

Listen to Sean Hannity, Rachel Maddow, The Five, and Chris Matthews on TV for a couple of days, and you’ll find…

They are just like an Ohio State football fan, they don’t care why, or what has to happen to make it so; they just want to win.

Because winning and being like everybody else, and better who they think themselves to be individually, is far more important than due diligence and common sense.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS
My Facebook Page

And why you chew on that bone of sunshine, you can listen to IWS Radio…Jay and I had a masterpiece of a show going yesterday…AND our uber-lovely friend from Canada, Jamie, was so taken with us, she called in TWICE!!

                                   

Sean Hannity Interviews Sydney Leathers. The Porn Was a Flyin'!!

Cheeeeeeers and Happy Anniversary to two of the greatest people that I have, or ever will know.

My mom and dad.

That’s right.

On August 6, 1945...my future mom and dad, got married.

While hundreds of thousands of Japanese were being spontaneously turned into yellowish, irradiated Cream of Corn soup by the inaugural A-Bomb, Jack and Mary Anne Mahoney were whooping it up, and by night fall, were already working on the first of nine beautiful babies.

So, although they both have been half-lifed up to that great, plutonium-type silo in the sky, here’s wishing Jack and Mary Anne a wonderful 68th wedding anniversary!!

Typically, I am not big on anniversaries.  I think anniversaries are somewhat silly, because I tend to remember a happy event, or one that causes myself or the collective us to pause in a sad sense throughout the year randomly and spontaneously.

Birthdays, Arbor Day, 4th of July, and the day that Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot, are all observed as anniversaries and/or holidays, and yet…

While I may rejoice, and/or reflect for a moment on said days like those, I really don’t, nor never have observed holidays…until now…

You see?

In addition to today being my mom and dad’s wedding anniversary, August 6, 2013 is the fifth day anniversary of Sean Hannity interviewing, soothing, feeling sorry for, and broadcasting his admiration for, Weinergate temptress Sydney Leathers, during the 4 PM hour of his August 1st edition of his radio show.

I will mark this anniversary down as the one of the greatest moments in comedic history.

It seems as though fate would have it, today it was revealed that one, brow beaten, victimized by Anthony Weiner, Sydney Leathers…is less than intimidated by getting naked for the camera!!



I know!!  I was in disbelief myself, right!!?

I was in disbelief for two reasons…First, she seemed like such a stand-up girl who was sadly coerced into having an online love affair with Anthony Weiner, so I wondered…why would she exploit such a sad affair?

Secondly?

Why would any chick with smaller tits than Phil Mickelson and bigger thighs than Tony Siragusa allow herself to be filmed in the buff!?

Uuch!!  Makes no sense.  No sense at all.

Anyhoo…

Last Thursday, Sean “I’m a Devout Catholic Who Refuses to Wear His Wedding Ring” Hannity had her on his radio show, and he was feigning OUTRAGE by the behavior of Anthony Weiner all the while cooing, cajoling, and sympathizing with the “victim”, one Ms. Leathers.

Ha…Sean is such a dick.

But that’s okay, because a dick such as Sean Hannity interviewing a victimized soft porn star like Sydney Leathers makes perfect sense.

Got to hand it to Hannity…He knows good radio!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Cable TV...Parade of Stupid

Cheers Chuckleheads!!

Yesterday, after broadcasting along with Jayman yet another award winning episode of I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio which revolved around all the sexting scandals and bad behavior that is transpiring in our society, I took a nap.

Okay…I ate a humongous double fish sandwich lovingly prepared by my friends at Rally’s, and then took a nap, but nonetheless…

When I awoke, I was thinking more seriously about Weinergate, Sanfordgate, Geraldogate, and said to myself…

“You know Matt-Man…Old men texting pics of themselves and speaking illicitly to young women, and knowing that old women do the same thing with younger men.  That‘s funny shit right there.”

And then I remembered something that Noel Paul Stookey, the Paul of Peter, Paul, and Dead Mary fame, said years ago; something to the effect…

“As far as magazines go, we used to have LIFE, and then…we had People…after that, came Us…before you know it, we will have a magazine called, Me.  It will be a magazine cover with a mirror on it.”

Good ol’ Paul was not too far off.

We do have a magazine called Me, but instead of it being constucted of paper, print, and staples, it comes in the form of the internet…in the form of Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, 24/7 Cable News, radio, and to the chagrin of the masses who listen to our radio show, in the form of Blog Talk Radio, and a myriad of other social media outlets.

Oh Dear God…

MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry puts a syllabus up on her Facebook page before her show that nobody watches.  And why would they?  Who wants to watch a show anchored by a somewhat black chick pretentious professor of color who talks and talks, says nothing, and wears tampon earrings?

Rachel Maddow is one who digs deep into the facts, yet, she only reports the facts that agree with her own sensibilities.

And of course there is Chris Matthews and Al Sharpton…Chris wants to make love to the President and Sharpton wants more from the President.

On the other hand…

Over at FOX NEWS and the right wing media circus.

Every morning as the rooster crows, Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and avant-garde MENSA President Gretchen Carlson level words of vitriol against President Obama for things like not paying for the penicillin to treat the gonorrhea of one, Lance Corporal Joe Middle America which he contracted during a stay in a Dhaka hotel with a Bangledeshi hooker.

Herman Cain has a radio show and he talks about repealing “Obamacare.”  He doesn’t talk solutions, but he does talk repealing.

Rush Limbaugh talks about how Obama is the worst President in history, and that the morals of this country have gone down hill.  And then? He goes home to his third wife, and smacks his nanny/drug mule on the ass and berates her for being too slow with the goods.

Sean Hannity may be the best of all.  For three weeks he has talked about the travesty of the Trayvon Martn case, Obama’s socialism, and how white people are looked upon funny, and yet?

He cries a sparrow’s cry and weeps because our country is so divided, and he doesn’t understand why.

Here’s the thing…

Just like Weiner, Geraldo, and Sanford who immersed themselves into their own egos, lusts, and fully exposed themselves for the world to see, the people who cover these people and their stories, do it on a daily basis.

Lispy Girl, Maddow, Limbaugh, and Hannity…none of them give a fuck about making a difference, they just as does Anthony Weiner, want their numbers to shoot up.

Those media clowns are no different than the legislators that we elect, and the legislators that when indifferent to their agenda, they rail against on air.

Just as a, I’m going to change the world, bright-eyed politician wins his first seat, over time, he or she  makes it about him or herself, and so do broadcasters.

After all, politicians aren’t there to help you out.  They’re there to get re-elected.  And broadcasters?

They aren't there to inform you.  They are there to get renewed.

But....If you want to hear great journalism and funny stuff...Listen to I'm With Stupid which aired LIVE yesterday and we talked SEXTING!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page