IWS Person of the Week: Nicolle Wallace

Big news happened in the world of daytime TV late this week as it was announced that "Dr." Jenny McCarthy was cast asunder from her position on ABC's, The View.

Who will will replace the blonde bombshell of anti-vaccination speak?  None other than Nicolle Wallace!!

What?  Are we hearing crickets from the vast and diverse IWS worldwide audience?  Well we shouldn't be, because with the addition of Wallace, The View not only added cuteness, it added a B.A. from Cal-Berkeley, and a M.A. from Northwestern University.

Next to Whoopi Annoyingberg is the aforementioned Nicole Wallace...

Nicolle has spent many years in and around politics; she was even charged with the arduous task of making George W. Bush sound coherent in her stint as his White House Communications Director...

The lovely Ms. Wallace was also a big wig along with Steve Schmidt during John McCain's failed 2008 Presidential bid...

Matt-Man is a HUGE fan of Nicolle's as she is a frequent guest on MSNBC's Morning Joe show, and Matt was once quoted as saying, "Sarah Palin can't stand Nicolle Wallace and that makes Nicolle more than okay in my book..."

Nicolle Wallace isn't HOT, but man...Her sense of humor, common sense, abundant cuteness, and smarts, make her damn sexy...

Congrats to the Nicolle Wallace...our IWS Person of the Week and newest member of The View.  You go girl!!

And in news that is even bigger than Nicolle Wallace replacing Jenny McCarthy on The View...Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team take to the airwaves today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

They will be discussing when, why, or whether people should self-censor themselves on social media outlets. Do some folks say too much, others not enough, and really do we want to hear about the massive dump some guy just took?

All of that plus your calls LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show's Social Media, Self-Censorship, and YOU show.  To catch us LIVE today...

Click HERE.

The Sarah Palin Channel is Here!! My Life is Complete!!

Hi gang.  Sarah Palin here and it is a beautiful Thursday here in the greatest country in the world, Alaska.

I am coming to you here on this page of the IWS Radio website pages because Jay and Matt were thankfully enough to offer me the opportunity to promote my new online TV channel called the…

Sarah Palin Channel.

I am super excited to be hosting a streaming online and unfiltered news show online as we cut through the unmanly crap and political correctness of the lame stream media.

Folks from NBC to Fox News could never get along with my hard hitting and rogue style of telling it how it is, so I am sticking this hockey mom’s middle finger into their eye by creating my own subscription network.

If it’s a good enough way to go for my pal Glenn Beck over at The Blaze Radio and TV Network, it’s good enough for this mama bear.  Amirite!?

Anyhoo…So I have started my own network and you can subscribe to it for only $9.95 a month or go rogue and get an entire year of me and insights for a mere $99.95, because unlike all of those krony kapitolists in Washington, I am always trying to save Jack and Jill America, some jack!!  Ha, see what I did there!?

I will cover the news events of the day for our subscribers as best as I know how.  Which means…You will hear information and my analysis that is one-of-kind, unique, and sooey generous.  And folks…

In addition to hard-hitting news and opinion we will offer you reports as to what makes America great, personal stories of true American patriots, and intimate looks into the happy and God-purposed life that fills the Palin household.

We also plan to branch out as soon as those subscriptions come rolling in, and several new Sarah Palin Network shows and even movies are on the drawing board as we speak.

Teenagers from Alaska, to Hawaii, to the 48 continuous states will love our religious-based sex education show, “Re-discover Abstinence Through an Unplanned Pregnancy with Bristol Palin Sponsored by Bartles and Jaymes.”

We plan to hire Newt Gingrich and S.E. Cupp away from CNN, add Alan Colmes to the mix, and produce a political roundtable show called, “Spineless Liberal Caught in a Crossfire.”

Knowing that people need a break from the day to day insanity and violence that in we now live, we will also offer some lighter shows.

You think your marriage is bad?  You don’t how bad marriage can be until you see that sometimes it comes down to who is going to cut the fire wood for the evening, that’s why we are producing, “The Real Housewives of Nome.”  Funny has never been so cold.

And ladies…We have a special show for you…My first dude Todd will oil up and play beach volleyball with Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Edwards every week as the Sarah Palin Channel airs, “The Angry Sands of Anchorage Bay.”

And our first movie is scheduled for a July 2015 release, and it‘s called…Roots 2008: The Rise of the Manchurian Kenyan.  I can’t tell you what it is all about , but I know that you will be SHOCKED!!

Anyhoo…I hope you will subscribe and join my new network, because America and Americans such as yourself need me more than ever, and?  I need you more than ever, because the speaking fees just aren’t cutting it any longer.

God Bless you if you subscribe and God Bless America!!

Sarah

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Make Me Your Dirty Facebook Friend
Twitter Me HARD!!

Maya Angelou and Sarah Palin? Hacks!!

Cheeeeeeeers and a Happy Friday to you all.

There is something that I cannot tolerate and that is, blissful accolades laid upon a recently departed person or one who is still living.

On Wednesday, it was revealed that Maya Angelou was taken away from us far too soon at the age of eighty-six.

I feel badly with the passing of anyone, but let me tell you…

As I heard of her passing, and watched the news crawlers refer to her as the “late, great, Maya Angelou” and as a “renown poet“, I was stupefied.

Marguerite Annie Johnson, yeah that’s her real name, was many things, but, she was not a poet.  Okay, yes she was because some idiotic publisher rode her “real black woman cash cow” to fame as a poet, but really?

As a poet, she sucked.

Yeah, I know she knows why the caged bird sings (allegedly), and she had her civil rights struggles (poor her), and she spent part of her life being a dance floor floozie (true dat), however…

After all of that, one Miss Margaret Johnson writes…

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Such a whore…And she wonders why the caged bird sings.  That patch of awful writing promises nothing but Barry White songs so she can do her porno dances while she spits “diamonds” out from between her thighs.

Uuuuuuch.  I have no time nor place for such ickiness.  Please go to bad poet heaven, Mizz Angelou…if that’s you real name…which we know it isn’t.

And dig it…There is a draft Sarah Palin campaign going on, on Facebook.  I don’t know if it is for U.S. Senate or President in 2016, but either way, I am sure that the people who started it and like it, aren’t very bright.

Now don’t get me wrong, I liked it myself for comedic purposes, but wow…can you really see Palin as a U.S. Senator?  Well, wait a minute…Yes I can, and no different from the rest.

What the hell was I thinking?  Oh before I go, there’s another hack that I’d like to talk about…

Edward Snowden.

You love America so much that you wanted to let her people know that they were being watched on the internet.  That’s admirable and thanks, however…

Once you let the cat out of the bag, you ran away to one of the more oppressive governments on earth. You don’t love freedom Mr. Snowden, you love your own definition of freedom, and you are a coward.

This is the Matt-Man saying, Edward Snowden is to freedom, what Maya Angelou is to poetry…Not Much.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...White Santa Said!!

Cheeeeeeeeeers and Ho Ho Hooooooooooola!!

White Santa here in order to hijack the typical Saturday IWS Radio edition of Matt Said, Jay Said, and turn it into, Santa Said!!

Is there a problem with me doing that just a few days before Christmas?  I make lists and name names y’know…

Okay then…I didn't think you would mind.

Let me tell you folks…Jay and Matt are going to be putting on a spectacular IWS Radio Christmas Show tomorrow.

They are going to be celebrating Christmas as it was intended to be celebrated…lots of laughs, friendly banter, hospitality, great music, and non-stop hilarity that will shine brighter than my franken-reindeer Rudolph’s nose.

Ho Ho Ho.  And as a special bonus…

Jay and Matt have promised me, that for each and every person who listens LIVE, a blind dog will get the gift of sight, and Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity will shut the fuck up about that duck fucking, Jim Crow-Loving puddle of primordial goo who has for whatever reason, captured the attention and admiration of much of a nation.

In addition to that, if you call in at 661.244.9852 and are funny and/or otherwise nice to them, you may get a sugar plum.

But Santa, you ask…Why should I listen?

Let me tell you why, my wonderfully thus far, behaved boys and girls…

Tomorrow’s,  Have a Holly Jolly Festivus radio show (which airs LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET) is chock full of comedy, Christmas readings, music, and dozens of well-wishes from the vast and diverse worldwide audience that Jay and Matt who for reasons unexplained, have captured over the years.

And yeah…

They may even mention the Holy Baby Jesus.  In fact, in addition to the sexy Trinity of Jay, Matt, and the Holy Baby Jesus…

Kirk Douglas, Bobby Kraft, Dixie Ozark, Schmoop, Slyder Balzcock, Paul Piatt, Malcolm Eckstein, Jamie, Buddy Acapella, Stubby Stonehenge, and among others, yours truly…Santa Claus are scheduled to appear.

Tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET, don’t lazily saunter to your computer, drink a cup of hot chocolate and RUN to your computer, EMBRACE your computer, and click onto, and participate in the IWS Radio Show on Blog Talk Radio.

If you don’t…You are going to be on Santa’s naughty list.  And?

Dozens of dogs will remain blind and Sean Hannity will be having oral sex with Sarah Palin, and really?

Who needs to see and/or know about that?

To listen to the IWS Radio Have a Holly Jolly Festivus Show from Noon-2 PM ET click HERE!!

Phil Robertson Can Suck It!

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! So, today has been a pretty shocking day. Too many more of these and I might look for a cave to go live in far away from society.  It all started this morning when I got up and began reading some stunning news.

It turns out that some old cracker who lives way back in the woods in Louisiana thinks gays are an abomination and recalls the good old days of Jack Crow laws before that pesky Civil Rights Act fondly.  I AM STUPIFIED! Who woulda thunk it? (BTW, if you haven’t read the article by Drew Magary, do so. It’s excellent.)

Well, don’t worry folks, I’m sure Sarah Palin fresh off her demands that MSNBC fire Martin Bashir for saying gross things about her will explain to us all that freedom of speech doesn’t mean that media companies have to just let their on air talent be assholes, right? RIGHT?

Uh, whatever. No biggie. The Ivy League educated governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal will probably put out an intelligent statement that will help stop this from becoming an all-day outragathon. Here it is …

“Phil Robertson and his family are great citizens of the State of Louisiana. The politically correct crowd is tolerant of all viewpoints, except those they disagree with. I don’t agree with quite a bit of stuff I read in magazine interviews or see on TV," Jindal said. "In fact, come to think of it, I find a good bit of it offensive. But I also acknowledge that this is a free country and everyone is entitled to express their views. In fact, I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment. It is a messed up situation when Miley Cyrus gets a laugh, and Phil Robertson gets suspended."

Wut? It’s wrong that Phil Robertson was suspended from Duck Dynasty because Miley Cyrus? That’s pretty much the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard all year. God! I’m so glad we live in a country where nobody, no matter their political leanings, will pick up that idiotic analogy and run with it, right? RIGHT? *does quick search on Twitter for Phil Robertson Miley Cyrus*

Welp. Okay, whatever guys. I’m sure that the folks on the left will deal with this issue in a serious, mature and eloquent manner, right? RIGHT?

What the hell is wrong with everyone? Why do we as a nation have to lose our shit every single time something like this happens? A&E didn’t violate Phil Robertson’s 1^st Amendment rights! He has no right to a TV show. A&E suspended him because they were afraid that advertisers would get nervous and it would cost them money. You know, the “free market?”  The same “free market” that forced MSNBC to fire Martin Bashir and Alec Baldwin.

Did A&E overreact? Probably. It’s pretty doubtful that there are very many people watching Duck Dynasty who don’t agree with Phil on these things. The people who don’t agree with him will probably keep watching because they like the show. Hell, the publicity from this will probably cause ratings and advertising rates to INCREASE. (It’s almost as if that is what they were aiming for!)

Anyway, I hope people have calmed down by tomorrow cause I’m getting tired of seeing all this crap about Duck Dynasty on my timelines on Facebook and Twitter. I swear if someone could make an outrage pill I could sell it on a street corner and be as rich as Phil Robertson in no time. That shit makes people go longer and harder than any HGH, crack, meth or Viagra ever could.

Besides, I have much more important things to lose my shit over. I found out today that our local KFC has closed! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Hot Sex is the Secret to Ending the Cold War of the Shutdown

Cheeeeeeeeers, and a Happy Tuesday to ya, Chuckleheads!!

Y’know?

I hate it when I have nothing topical to write about that excites me, but when I am in that type of pattern and just not “feelin’ it”, I try to think of things in general that excite me, make me mad, or more often than not, make me laugh.

I am burned out by the 24/7 news coverage of the Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown impasse that is raging like an out of control wildfire burning slowly and painfully like an ember at the Millard Fillmore Perpetual Pyre of Obscurity, which of course is still open because it receives no Federal funding and well…doesn't really exist, but anyhoo…

The only redeeming thing about the incessant and repetitive coverage of this latest American political crisis, is the fact that cable news pundits, talk radio hosts, and viewers and callers of, and to, such media venues headline an all-star and Tony Award winning cast in the newest American stage comedy classic…

“Buffoonery, Hypocrisy, and Ideology on Parade!!”

Oy Vey folks!!  What the hell is wrong with these people on TV, Radio, and their audiences?

It’s as though the late Timothy Leary has taken over programming for every damn political TV and Radio show, and at the same time is the host, guest, and caller-in to every damn show!!

It’s cwazy, wacky and it’s making my head spin, making me laugh, and making me feel much better about myself than I ever had, well…other than that one time at Bowling Green State University in 1983 when I had hot post-Homecoming sex with a Republican chick named Ann Barlage. Mmmmmmmmm…

That was some hot bi-partisan sex right there boy!!  See, unlike the ideologues of today, both in the media and the Congress…

We reached across the aisle, agreed to disagree, and then filibustered the hell out of each other until the second Sunday in October sun rose, and while creeping through the blinds, dappled us, and the empty wine bottles, with her golden crepuscular rays that said unto Ann and I…

“Your motions were more than well approved by one and other.  Now go, and sin no more.”

See?

Why is it so hard for Rush Limbaugh to get along with Rachel Maddow?  Why is it so difficult for Sean Hannity to say that Joe Scarborough is not a RINO?

Why in the hell can’t Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin think of Barack Obama and Joe Biden as swell dudes?  And why can’t Rachel, Joe, Barack, and Joe think the same of them!?

Because people…A bitter, monocular, and turgid ideology is hard to overcome, but the answer is so simple, and that is what makes me laugh about all of this Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown bullshit.

If like Ann and I, Limbaugh had sex with Maddow.  And Hannity had sex with Scarborough.  And then we made a porn film called, Ted, Sarah, Barack, and Joe, and What Harry Reid Saw, all would be right with the world, and America could move forward.

It’s not that hard, and ideally…Maybe if Joe Scarborough plays his cards right, he could have sex with Sean; Sean could get divorced as well, and Joe could make Hannity his third wife.

But…baby steps…Let’s just get America back onto the road to recovery for now, and think about the Irish nuptials later.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

Historical Tweets from Great Americans

Hola and Happy 4^th of July America and everyone who loves America! On this greatest of American holidays, I have put together a list of some of the greatest tweets from some of America’s greatest (and not-so-greatest) political leaders.

@JohnHancock: Just wanted to make sure @KG3 can read THAT!

@PaulRivere: Oh it’s on bitches!

@PaulRivere: Side Note: Ran into Samuel Prescott outside of some chick’s house around 1 am.

Awkwaaaaaaaaaard.

@ArnoldBenedict: Psst … @JohnAndre .. DM me dude.

@G-Wash: Just shucked some Cornwallis. Hey-OOOO!

@DJ-T-Jeffy-Jeff: I’m a father again! Shasquina had her baby today!

@T-Edison: Let there be light! #godcomplex

@DredScott: Tough loss at the SCOTUS today. Bastards will probably kill the VRA next.

@BenFranklin: Ooooooo … I love that tingly feeling.

@OldHickory: Dear South Caronlina: Bring. It. On.  

@USGrant: Beer Thirty Bitches! (recurring tweet)

@SecStateSeward: Whew! What a day! Stick a knife in me, I’m done.  (9 pm on April 14, 1865)

@BullMooseTeddy: Heard that had to butter Big Boy Taft up to get him out the tub. #LOL #TubbyTaft

@DrPrezWilson: Mmmmrph .. Urrrr … buhhhhhh *drools*

@GenJohnPershing: AEF = After England Failed … LOL

@SilentCal: Hello 

*four years later* @SilentCal: Goodbye

@FDR: Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

@GenD-Mac: *Best Ahnold voice* I’ll be back! 

@HSTruman: Yo @D-Mac *best @RealDonaldTrump voice* You’re Fired!

@JFK: I need this trip to Dallas like I need a hole in my head.

@TrickyDicky: This tweet is not intended to be an alibi. (Late night on June 17, 1982)

@JC_Smiles: Feeling a bit of a malaise setting in tonight. I like that word “malaise.”

@DutchReagan: There you go again!

@SlickWillie: What a mess!! But it feels so good.

@Shrub: STRATEGERY BITCHES!

@Barry_O: I’m watching yooooooooo!

As you can see, Twitter has been a great tool for Presidents and other historical figures over the years.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

I Love Summer!!

Y’know?  Today is the first full day of Summer, and we are gonna have some fun, in fact…

The other day, a post that Jayman wrote reminded me of a good time summer time dream that I had had some years ago.

And please…allow me to tell to tell you how it all went down..

I was at picnic fundraiser for Sarah Palin. It was a first, kinda summer day, and …

True to her folksy, homespun carnival act personality, there were all sorts of activities that one might find at a small town America cookout during the summer.

I signed up for the three-legged race. I’ve always kinda dug that. We all threw our names in a hat and Sarah drew names to see who would partner with whom.

I was excited because I knew that if I had a decent partner I had a good shot at winning. My excitement soon became despair when Sarah named who would be tied up with me…

Stephen Fucking Hawking!!

“What a disadvantage that puts me at.” I muttered to myself.

While other pairs are running the race with three good legs, I’m going to be draggin’ Hawking down Lane 4 for 50 yards.

I was thinking to myself, “Holy Shit…Having Heather Mills as my partner would be a step up.”

Anyhoo…Hawking comes rolling up to me, and in his creepy McDonald’s Drive-Thru speaker voice, said…

“Let’s kick some ass, Matt-Man.”

So I dump his ass out of his wheelchair, and he’s laying there in all his palsied and Parkinsonian glory flippin’ and a-flappin’ around like a washed up walleye contorting on a hot rock, and I tied him to my right leg with a bungee cord and duct tape.

I dragged him and his useless body over to the starting line. There were six teams in the race, but one team in particular was giving me and The Hawk-Man the stink eye.

It was the team of Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

After we stared them down (well, after I stared them down, Hawking’s face was in the dirt, mumbling some incoherent bullshit about supernovas and their effect on the space/time continuum), I turned my eyes to the prize and the finish line that was 50 yards away.

Palin with bullhorn in hand, shouted, “Ready, Set…” and then several rounds from her AK-47 set each team into motion.

Despite the dead weight attached to me, I was bolting like lightning down the course…
Hawking beside me and behind me all the way, his face being bloodied by the ground as he drooled and continuously muttered, for whatever reason, “Deus ex Machina!!”

O’Reilly and Beck were leading, but as we neared the finish line lagging behind those two nut jobs, they abruptly stopped in order to deeply kiss and fondle each other’s dick.

As they engaged in their ego and cock stroking man love, I sped passed them hauling Hawking’s bouncing, crippled body beside me.

As we crossed the finish line in triumphant fashion, I realized the brilliance of Hawking. O’Reilly and Beck’s public display of depravity had been our Deus ex Machina.

I cut Hawking loose from me, gave him a bottle of Gatorade, and proceeded to have obligatory winner’s sex with Bristol Palin.

Hawking? Unable to put himself into his wheelchair, he lay there calculating exactly how long it would take him to die from over-exposure to the hot summer sun. And you know what?

That brilliant bastard predicted his sunstroke induced demise right to the nano-second, and that in itself, is pretty God Damn brilliant…and funny.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook page