Social Media, Self-Censorship, and Sofia Vergara

Beginning this Saturday, BIG changes are coming to the IWS Radio website...

But for more information, you will have to look us up Saturday as we pimp out our Sunday radio show...

Social Media, Self-Censorship, and YOU!!

Make sure to check back here tomorrow for details and local listings for IWS Radio's presentation of Social Media, Self-Censorship, and YOU!!

This show is going to be hotter than Sofia Vergara, and let me tell ya...That's a huge claim!!

A Mexican Immigrant Has Sent Me Upon a Trail of Tears

Cheers and a Happy Thursday to you all…well…to all of you, but uno.

“What, you ask?  Is Matt-Man feeling down on somebody?  That is so unlike him.”, you mutter.

Yes IWS Radio fans, readers, and listeners…

I am feeling a bit of anger and let down by a person who I thought to be a friend of mine, and to the IWS Radio Show and its vast and diverse worldwide audience as well.

For those of you who follow Jay, myself, and IWS Radio, you may recall a man by the name of Luis.  Or know him by the moniker The Ice Man.

Luis is a Mexican immigrant who last summer became a U.S. citizen, and who has for years and continues to this day, to deliver bags of ice to the Beer Mine…conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett in Bagwine, Ohio.

Anyway…Luis is…er, was…a friend of the show.

We have had Luis and his wife as well mind you, on the show a couple of times in order to celebrate his rough journey from the poverty of Mexico to his travels both physically and legally into becoming a U.S. citizen.

It was but a year or so ago when I posted a congratulatory message of …um…congratulations to him on becoming an official U.S. citizen on this very website.

Jay and I also simulcasted our appreciation of his efforts on the IWS Radio show when it all went down.

Luis was happy to be on the show…asked me every week during his drop off how the show was doing , and was rooting us on.

Yeah, we were all a big happy Mexican-Family back then when IWS Radio was but a cute little show, and then?  A year later, after the slow yet eventual Americanizing of Mr. Luis had clasped her eagle talons and amber waves of grain upon him…he evidently changed.

Monday, when he stopped by the Beer Mine to make his ice delivery, I told him that IWS Radio is now getting between 15-20,000 listens a week, and he responded in a tone that spoke of bewilderment…

“Why?”, and before I could respond he added…

“What the hell kind of people listen to you guys?”

I was in a word…hurt.

See?  Here we are…

Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio Nation standing behind the struggles and ultimate victory of Luis overcoming his treacherous desert journey, his trail of tears upon a hike amongst scorpions, thugs, and the Chupacabra, and at long last liberty achieving his goal of American Citizenship, and what do we get in return?

Nothing but a hot, Baja California-Sized dose of German schadenfreude from a Mexican who is now an American.  Un…fucking…believable!!

I am still happy that Luis has become an American, but what I am not happy about, is that he has become in one short year, typically American.

Americans root for the underdog and then when said up and comer gets a taste of success, Americans chew and claw at the success of the underdog like the aforementioned Chupacabra.

It breaks my heart Luis…It breaks my heart, but nonetheless…Make sure you bring our ice by 3 o’clock this coming Monday if you haven’t taken the day off, or called in sick like Americans tend to do on Mondays.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Friend Me on Facebook
Tweet Me Dirty

Apologies Are Being Ordered

Cheeeeeers and a Happy Hump Day to you all.

Yesterday on the IWS Radio website, Jayman, while a celebrated and internationally renown media personality, shed his stardom and called upon the strength of his own innate humility and apologized to a few folks.

His post titled, Apologies Are in Order,  inspires me today to post something similar.

As far as I am concerned, apologies are in order in my life as well, and let me tell ya, I have a list of a few people who need to be apologizing to ME!!

Time Warner Cable…The little bit of TV that I do watch happens to take place during the morning cable news shows, and for the past two weeks, you have paid to run your stupid, insidious, and unfunny, something old, something new wedding day hi-speed internet ad featuring Bill Cowher.

It runs at every God Damn break!!  Stop It!!  Just. Stop. It, and…apologize to me this second.

The Weather Channel…You already pissed me off by hiring yet another non-meteorologist in Sam Champion, but do you have to piss me off further by running an ad for his new show while I am waiting for My Local on the 8’s?

Why the hell are you running ads for his show during his show!!?  So the people watching his show won’t forget?  That’s fucking stupid, and you need to apologize to me…Now.

Beer Mine Beth…Yep.  Our new hire at the Beer Mine owes me an apology.  A huge one.  She went on vacation during Spring Break of Bagwine City Schools.  Yesterday, I saw more former Ohio Dept. of Rehab and Corrections inmates (i.e. parents) driving through with future Ohio Dept. of Rehab and Corrections inmates (i.e. their children) than I ever have in one day.

Nothing like spending a day waiting on a carload of kids who were gestated on a diet of amniotic fluid, cheap vodka, and meth trying to decide as to which kind of potato chips they would like!!

Jesus!! Take Me Now!!

Bill Pence…Mr. Pence is the owner of the soon to be defunct Corporate Imagemakers/PenceOhio Corporation and he laid-off Schmoop back in December.  Couldn't he have kept her on, and found something for her to do from like 8 A.M-11 A.M., five days a week?

Don’t get me wrong…I love the Schmoopster with all my heart, but I really miss that quiet morning time.  No talking.  No noise.  Simply me and my thoughts saying to one and other…“Ahhhhhhhhhhh.”  Yeah that dickhead needs to tell me that he is sorry for his actions.

The Two People on Facebook Who Recently Unfriended Me…I would like an apology post haste from you two ass clowns.  You know why?  I have no idea who unfriended me nor what I did.  I would much prefer that if a person unfriends me, that they would let me know it was he or she and why they did it.

In fact…That gives me a great idea.

Facebook should set it up that when a person unfriends another, it shows up on the unfriended person’s Facebook page, with the exact cause of the unfriending for all the world to see.

Ha.  That would be awesome!!

I am going to pass my idea along to Mark Zuckerberg and see if he runs with it.  If he doesn't?

That short-sighted billionaire will owe me an apology as well, because my idea is fucking brilliant!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page (and if you go there, let me know why you are unfriending me)

Stream of Haikuciousness...When Matt-Man Develops His Spontaneous Asian Side

Yesterday on the IWS website, Jayman posted an exquisitely done stream of consciousness post.  I mean…

It was so damn well done, that while the tears of James Joyce were falling from Heaven, Jayman was receiving a call from the Ted Cruz organization begging Jayman to be their filibuster writer from here on out.

So?  I thought I’d do a little stream of consciousness writing myself, however…

Just to mix it up a little, I thought I’d stream my consciousness in the form of haikus.

So here ya go, Matt-Man’s Stream of Haikusciousness…

This winter drags on
Will it end anytime soon?
I seriously doubt it.

This Steel Reserve
Is quite tasty and so warm,
Fuck Mother Nature.

I’m off this Sunday
Facebook friends better beware,
Ima gonna drink.

Sausage, toast, and eggs
That sounds incredibly good.
So much effort though.

I just lit a smoke
I take a deep drag, and smile
Newport Reds taste swell.

Lent is almost here
I need to give up something
Bread and pasta…Gone!!

My zipper is down
I find that extremely odd
Hands were typing keys.

I bet Kate Upton
Is really awful in bed
Not allowed to bite and mar her picture perfect tits.

My last Kate haiku
Did not follow haiku rules
Oh well…suck it, Kate.

Chicken nuggets, not eggs

eggs?

Nuggets are much less trouble.
Eggs may have to sit.

I just touched my dick.
No, I didn’t have an itch
I just wanted to.

Why do people judge?
Schmoop is sound asleep in bed
And I am horny.

Thank you, and have a great Thursday…I shall spend mine saying “5-7-5” to myself.

Today’s drawer at the Beer Mine is gonna be so fucked up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Everyone Loves Online Quizzes!

Hola all you inquisitive folks out there! Do you love taking online quizzes on sites like Buzzfeed and others? Don’t lie, you know you do! If you didn’t you wouldn’t post the results on Facebook all day long! I know, I do the same thing. They are kind of addictive and sometimes even fun. But, if you aren’t my friend on Facebook then shame on you! I mean, I will list all of my quiz results here for you. Or at least all the ones I can remember.

- One quiz says I should live in California. That’s a brilliant idea. I would love to move to Cali if I could.

- Another says I should be living in Portland, OR. I would be good with that too. It is a bit TOOOO liberal and way too hipster for me, but there’s a lot of cool stuff about Portland too. Aaaaaaaaaand it’s the strip club capital of the world.

- I should be a writer. Great! Pay me to write and I would do it. I don’t know if “international internet radio star” was one of the options or not.

- My hidden talent is a painter. I don’t have any real artistic ability. Well, I can’t draw. I guess there are lots of definitions of “art.”

- If I were a Muppet I would be the Count! I’m totally a numbers guy.

- Which Family Guy Character am I? Lois, of course.

- What kind of G-Chatter am I? I’m a “goon.” That’s somebody who isn’t all that social on there and doesn’t go “live” all the time.

- I AM HELVETICA FONT!

- I scored 130 on an intelligence test and they say I’m “smart.”

- Of all the Disney Princess I am ….. Belle.

- I straddle the line between being cool and uncool. This is pretty funny cause we all know I’m totally NOT cool.

- The arbitrary thing that I am is a “Fat Squirrel.”  THAT IS HURTFUL INTERNET!!!

- Which Twin Peaks character am I? Leo Johnson, of course. I’m told he’s a “really bad guy.”

- I am NOT holy enough to receive communion. This comes as a surprise to no one.

- Which declining social media site am I? Friendster. This means I have limited social skills. Like we didn’t all know THAT already.

- What kind of Bathroom etiquette do I have? I’m a “polite pisser.” Apparently someone who sprays the toilet with disinfectant before and after taking a crap and then washes his hands with antibacterial soap afterwards is just “polite.”

- And finally I’m a tie between being Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.  I have no idea what that really means, but okay. I did try another “Which President are You?” quiz but when I saw that they list Pat Buchanan as a former president I curled up in the fetal position and cried for two hours and never finished the quiz.

Okay, so there you! I’m sure you found this every bit as fascinating as I did. This does NOT mean that you don’t need to be my friend on Facebook any more though. You totally do!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Super Bowl XLVIII...The Home Team Wins!!

We are but a mere five days away from Super Bowl XLVIII, so I thought that maybe, as I did last year, solicit unsolicited invites to the Super Bowl parties of others who would have never invited me in the first place…solicited, unsolicited, or otherwise.

See?  Last year when I pleaded for invitations to Super Bowl parties, I actually received a handful of invites, accepted one, and actually showed up to said event.

Sure, it was somewhat surreal and odd at the party when I showed up, but I had a good time, because I got to hang out with a friend whom I had
n’t seen in years.

I thought I would do the same thing this Super Bowl season, and maybe have two fun, spontaneous Super Bowls in a row…so, I posted this last night upon my Facebook Page…

Guess what?  Not a single invite, well…not a serious one.  Oh sure…

My friend, the wonderfully sarcastic and avid IWS Radio listener Tiffany, told me to come on down for her Super Bowl party, but of course, she only did that because she lives in Florida, and knew that she was safe from me actually showing up.

And then my nearly life-long buddy and IWS’ own Nurse Sherri, suggested that I party with our mutual Japanese friend, Saynora Tokahama or whatever.  The dude is pretty cool, but he lives in Japan.

Even if I could party and watch the game with him, as he does live in Japan, I’d be watching the Super Bowl on a Monday, and something about that just doesn’t sit well with me, and feels, well…downright un-American.

Well anyway, the bottom lie is, thus far I have not been on the receiving end of any party invites, so I guess I’ll have to watch the game here at home with Schmoop.  And, hey…don’t get me wrong!!

I love hanging with Schmoop Super Bowl night or any time of year, but getting an acceptance of my unsolicited invite to a Super Bowl would make me happy…would make me chuckle, and most importantly, would provide me with awesome blog fodder.

However, Schmoop and I will have a wonderful time this Super Bowl Sunday.

If we have the funds, we’ll order a pizza.  If not, we’ll make one ourselves.  We can make dried beef cream cheese roll-ups, and have pickles, cheese and crackers, olives annnnnnnnnnd, baked pepperoni.  Mangia!

And the best thing about staying home and watching the Super Bowl with Schmoop?

Probably as early as the end of the first quarter, we will turn off the game, crank up some tunes, drink beer, eat snacks, and goof on people and each other.

And really?  For most Americans, that is what Super Bowl Sunday is all about, having parties which surround a person with laughter and good friends.  The Super Bowl has become much more than a mere NFL Championship football game.

The Super Bowl has become the winter thaw.  A day when for a few hours, the soul-sucking, drab, monochromatic winter becomes a festival of watercolors in the shades of flashy uniforms, delicious junk food, funny commercials, too much beer, and the warmth of close friends.

And since Schmoop is my best friend, I guess watching the big game at home is where I should be, and who knows?

If I don’t have too much to drink, perhaps Schmoop will put on a halftime show for me that will rock my world.

Oh yeahhhhhhhh…

If I play my cards right this Super Bowl Sunday, Matt-Man is going to end up going to “Disneyworld!!”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Valentine's Day 2014, Best and Worst Gift Ideas

Cheeeeeeeers Bitches and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

Not only is today Tuesday, it is January 14th which means not only is it, Dress Up Your Pet Day for those of you who are so inclined to embarrass your pet by dressing him or her up, but…

January 14th is also, One Month Before the Day You Either Get Hot Sex or Smacked in the Face by Your Wife/Girlfriend/Mistress on Valentine’s Day Day.

That’s right guys, you have thirty days to prepare for the onslaught of sneers, jeers, or cheers that you receive from the woman in your life and her femme friends. So, I am here to make certain that you will hear nothing but cheers.

Oh, and you ladies who have been directed to this blog entry?  Disregard it, because well, as well all know, you do nothing on Valentine’s Day other than bitch about what you didn’t get from that special man in your life, so…

To wit and heretofore, are my best and worst gift ideas for the guys to buy for Valentine’s Day 2014...

Yesterday, I mentioned flowers in a Facebook comment of mine, women seem to dig flowers.  Terrible idea.

Flowers are temporary, die quickly, and with their death, so does your relationship.  If you want to give a woman something that temporarily fills them up, yet leaves them satisfied, send them a grilled ham ‘n’ cheese sandwich and some fries.  And?

Knowing my buddy Jayman as I do, he would say…

“And don’t go on the cheap, send them a fresh, crisp pickle spear along with it!!”

Some guys are goaded feel like because they are pussy whipped they have to want to go big time into buying overpriced jewelry for Valentine’s Day…Don’t…Do…It!! Bad gift idea.

When a guy buys his honey fancy jewelry, she will at first go nutsy Fagan all over it, but then she will pause, and think…

“That lying bastard must be cheating on me in order to buy me something this fancy.”

If you do want to buy your lady something shiny to wear, buy her a pair of steely, sparkling handcuffs.

Along with the cuffs, you could give her a sweet card that reads…

“You have made my heart your prisoner, and now, will you please be mine?”  See?  That’s HOT!!

And if she doesn’t like them, you can always give them to your mistress, which was your final intention and hope anyway.

Speaking of mistresses…If you have a wife and a mistress, be a good guy and gift give equally.  You don’t want to hurt the feelings of either of them, so…

Give them the same gift.

Buy each of them a ticket for a seven day Caribbean cruise so while both are asea, you can pick up a new girlfriend in addition to your mistress and wife, thereby completing the hat trick, Holy Trinity, and batting for the cycle of lewd behavior.

Just make sure the tickets for the wife and mistress are for different cruises. You wouldn't want your wife and mistress to spontaneously meet, talk nonchalantly, and during their friendly discourse, discover that you were the one who bought both tickets.

And?  If all of this advice is too much to digest and seems too complicated for you guys out there, do what my BFF Schmoop and I do on Valentine’s Day.

Order a pizza, drink some beer, peruse Facebook, and laugh at all of the posts reflecting the joy and sadness of which ladies got the bonanza, and which ladies got the heartache.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Facebook Confirms...Matt-Man Isn't Perfect!!

“You're pretty arrogant. And self important….Other than that, you're okay.”

Haaaaaaaaappy Friday Folks!!

Matt-Man here breaking it all down for ya on the IWS Radio website, and let me tell ya, that first quote is hurtful…

However, for the most part, most of you loveable bastards and bastardesses are quite nice.

I posted on my Facebook page yesterday…

“What don’t you like about me?”

And you know what?

While I was awaiting a tsunami of hate and disregard for the fact that I am indeed a caring person, you know what I got..?

“Matt doesn’t have feelings….He’s rude and has a potty mouth.”

Let me tell you my radio compatriot and friend, I have cared often and I have told you how I care about many people during our private calls…maybe not in the way they would like me to, nor using the words that most would choose, but I CARE!!

And then there is Dana…Love the Dana.  She said…

(1) I don't like that you don't take care of yourself. You've got a son who doesn't have a fighting chance if you aren't around to guide him, and
(2) You're a button pusher. When you find someone's buttons, you push and push and PUSH.

The best thing about Dana’s comment?  She is an accountant, and she numbered her grievances.  That it in itself is nice and lends an air of consistency, and number two, consistency is HOT!!

And actually, Number Three?  Dana, was actually serious.  I like that.  And…

She’s absolutely correct.

If a person says and/or does something with which I don’t agree, I will push and push until they expose themselves to be complete morons.

Is that being, “arrogant?”

I don’t fucking think so, and as far as being self-important?  If that’s the case, I wouldn’t have cow-towed to my wife all of these years up until now, in order to keep the peace for my son.

Eh, actually the asking of the “what do you hate about me” question was worth more to me than the, “”what do you like about me” question.

It seems that praise from friends, while far more grand, is personally less hurtful and truthful than negative personal critiques.

I like negative critiques.  It keeps me edgy.  And the truth is…

I am both Matt-Man, and just plain Matt.

Matt-Man is Dean Martin and Buddy Acapella rolled into one, while Matt is a poet wannabe named Paul Piatt.

All the while, Schmoop says…"Whatever…can I just have some sleep.?”

My point is…AND YES I AM MAKING A POINT!!

Backdoor guests are best, Tumblr guest are whatever, Facebook friends are awesome, but seriously?

Real friends ,whether they hate you or love you, no matter from where they came, are awesome…and one other thing, so am I.

I am awesome.

And, I will leave you with that.

Matt-Man

Cheeeeeeeeers!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Facebook Confirms What We All Knew...Matt-Man Rocks!!

Greetings…Cheers…and a Happy Hump Day to You All!!

Matt-Man here for IWS Radio today and recently, my spirits have been lifted exponentially; I am awash in a sea of validation as a human being, and my typically almost non-existent ego is expanding as quickly as the universe.

Let me tell you, folks…

Yesterday, Jayman wrote a great post about a handful of prominent scumbags and assholes who exist in American society today, but you know who isn’t an asshole, and who in fact, is one well-liked son of a bitch?

This Guy!!

I know…You are saying to yourselves…

“Gee, how do you know this?  Did you have a poll conducted by the polling agency called, Me, Myself, and I?”

Not at all…I used a polling firm far more accurate than Gallup.  Far more in-depth than IPSOS.  And totally more hard to spell than Quinnipiac.

I used Facebook.  That’s right!!

You see, this past Sunday, I posted on my Facebook page…

“What, if anything, do you like about me?”

After posting that question on my timeline, and awaiting the comments, I sat glued to my screen expecting few comments , or a handful of comments full of scorn and ridicule, however…

I received comments such as the following…

“I like the way you smoke multiple cigarettes at the same time.”

“You have no bias…you insult all equally.”

“You crack me up and cook a lot.”  Which corroborates the following comment…

“You amuse me.  I also admire your mad culinary skills.  You really know your way around a can of Spam.”

See how my uber-likeability is trending?  People dig me!!

From a well-read and published author of the male sex…“Your calves, when you wear high heels…”

Our very own IWS resident Lemon Poppy Seed maker Missalicious, chimed in with…

“You’re a good egg.”

And by that, I am sure that Miss means that I am full of protein and can be either a main course, or an elegantly pretty egg wash sheen atop a bundle of muffins.  Which makes perfect sense, because the uber-sultry Carly said of me…

“You are shiny.”

Word.  And thank you.

There were many other comments that said among other nice things, that I was very likeable because, “what you see, is what you get.”

Really…I do like that, and I appreciate those comments the most, because for bad or good, I like to keep it that way.

I will say…There was one comment that disturbed me…A long time friend, who happens to be a nurse, responded to my question of, what do you like about me, by saying…

“Not a damn thing.”

It’s hurtful to know that the poison of Obamacare has sunk down to the bedside caretaker level, and washed away all humanity and compassion.  But, I will recover…You know why?

People on Facebook, and mainly chicks on Facebook, dig me!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...11032013

Matt shames.  Jay seeks.  You say, “That sounds about right.”

Matt:  How the hell are ya?
Jay:  I’m good.  I feel like a new person.
Matt:  Really?  In a good way?  Wow, why is that?

Jay:  Well, I am branching out socially.  I am seeking out new friends on social media sites.
Matt:  Why?
Jay:  Because I strongly yearn to meet new and interesting people.
Matt:  You?  Seriously?
Jay:  Well, yeah…in part…and it helps to pad my friends and follower numbers.
Matt:  I see…

Jay:  Dude…It’s all about building relationships.
Matt:  Relationships are important if not intrusive, whether we want them or not.
Jay:  Exactly.  And man…I am building them.  My efforts have garnered us like 20 “likes” on our FB page.
Matt: I saw that.
Jay:  And I have met a few folks who have thus far pretended to like me for the time being.
Matt:  Well Hell…That makes it all worthwhile.
Jay:  I know, right?

Matt:  Hmmmmmm….
Jay:  What?  Did you just think of something deep, or are you experiencing an aneurysm?
Matt:  Y’know, Jayman…This Sunday we could talk about relationships.  All types of relationships.
Jay:  Relationships do come in many different packages.
Matt:  Yes they do.

Jay:  There are your friend relationships and family relationships.
Matt:  Neighbor and co-worker relationships.
Jay:  Relationships with your pets and other animals.
Matt:  Sexual relationships.
Jay:  Mmmmmmmmm…Sexual relati---um, sorry…Facebook relationships.
Matt:  Twitter relationships.
Jay:  Stumble Upon relationships.

Matt:  I don’t have any of those.
Jay:  I know…That’s why you never get any Stumble love on your posts.
Matt:  It’s so hard though.  I’d have to follow other Stumblers.
Jay:  It’s a cross that we must all bear in order to get our stories out.
Matt:  Okay…Maybe I’ll work on that.
Jay:  Good Boy.

Matt:  Sometimes, relationships go bad and it is very sad.
Jay:  Oh I know, and sometimes in addition to going bad, they get really funny while doing so.
Matt:  We wouldn’t want to talk about how bad relationships can be funny would we?
Jay:  Noooooooooooooo.

Matt and Jay:  Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Jay:  Alright then…The Relationship Show it is.
Matt:  We’ll cover every aspect of every type of relationship that exists.
Jay:  We can even talk about how some doctors have ended their relationship with us.
Matt:  Man, it will be painful to talk about, but…we’re professionals.

Jay:  And of course, we’ll be taking phone calls from our diverse and worldwide audience.
Matt:  That right there is a hot relationship.
Jay:  Damn right.

Matt:  I think we’re ready.
Jay:  I think so too, but are we ready for a committed relationship?
Matt:  I guess we’ll find out this Sunday from Noon-2 PM Eastern STANDARD Time.
Jay:  Indeed, can’t have a show relationship with folks if folks don’t set their clocks back!!

Matt:  Until Sunday Jayman!!
Jay:  Word.

To catch all of the IWS Radio hilarity on Blog Talk Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, click HERE.

Happy 9/11 America!!

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy 9/11 to you all!!

Today marks the 12th Anniversary of the attacks by Al-Qaeda upon the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and an additional, yet thwarted terrorist mission, that in all, left over 3,000 innocent people dead.

In order for you to better enjoy and make a social splash while observing this tragic date, I have a few tips for you.

First of all…For those of you who follow traditional anniversary etiquette, keep in mind that the 12th Anniversary, is the Silk Anniversary.

So if you plan to surprise someone with a Happy 9/11 Anniversary present, a silk robe for your hot patriotic man would be great, and for that star-spangled lady in your life, silk pajamas make an excellent gift idea.

If you are going to feign reflection, remorse, and a bit of outrage on this day, you may as well feign away while ensconced in the comfort of cool, comfortable, and finely woven Chinese silk, especially during this unusual September heat wave!!

Secondly…in order to begin your day of remembrance off to a good, healthy, my country right or wrong start, you need to put something up on Facebook to pronounce to the world and to your “friends”, that you have not forgotten.

A picture of the Twin Towers along with a quote that says, “Never Forget” is always nice, but if you want to be an amber waves of grain show stopper…Simply post “Proud to be An American” by Lee Greenwood or “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith.

Once you have done your rise-and-shine, pre-requisite posting on Facebook, and have spent four hours at work, it’s time to exhale some of that emotional distress that has been building inside of you.  So, here’s a thought…

Getting together for lunch with colleagues with you whom work, would be great way to celebrate as well, and rid yourself, for a brief moment anyway, of that post-9/11 angst.

You could meet up at a good and wholesome American eatery such as Appleby’s, Pizza Hut, or P.F. Chang’s and reminisce about where you were and what you were doing when the attacks went down.

Misery loves company, and it loves it even more while eating Crab Rangoon, and grazing upon an All-You-Can-Eat salad bar.  And make certain to tip your waiter or waitress well today, because he or she is probably as reflective and sullen as you, but being the customer service professional that he or she is?  Is not permitted to “let it out.”

Now when you get home today and want to make a special, Happy 9/11 dinner for your introspective family, I have a suggestion.

In honor of all of the airline passengers who died on 9/11, serve your family an airline meal…

Of course, a great meal needs to finish with a great dessert (especially if you have kids), so why not a special 9/11 cake..?

And to mark the end of your special anniversary day, you can listen to and dance along to Sean Hannity blessing our troops, and putting you and all of America on guard saying that this will happen again as long as Barack Obama is President.

A perfect ending to a perfect day of celebration.

I hope I have helped you out, and I hope you enjoy your Happy 9/11 Day as much as the marketers, the pundits, and the politicians do every year.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Facebook is Worried About My Social Life

Holaaaaaaaaaa friends and lovers and all the lonely people out there tonight. I’ve been noticing a trend on Facebook lately. No, not all the bitching, bragging, winning, cheap shots, lame jokes and angry status updates people are posting. Those are a given. No, I’ve noticed that Facebook is worried about me. It seems as though Facebook is worried that I’m lonely and wants to help me out.

It all started out innocently enough. Facebook thought maybe I would like to join a singles site called Zoosk. They just wanted to let me know that I don’t have to be alone. Very sweet of Facebook.

After I didn’t respond to Facebook’s offer, they decided to get a little more specific for me. Next came the Christian Singles …

I have nothing against Christians, hell I am one, but let’s just say my views are a little more moderate than what I suspect I would find at that site. Besides, I’m not a raging racist and don’t hate gay people so I think I would have a hard time finding a match.

So, Facebook gave up on that and things took a strange turn. The next item on the Love Menu was Young Women Looking for Older Men! Whoa! That escalated quickly!

While I found this to be funny, I was still not tempted to dive into the online personals world. Also, that was a little unseemly. Facebook was not to be deterred however because they clearly did their homework and hit me with something they knew I wouldn’t be able to resist ….

Okay, so they finally had my attention, but I still wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. I would have to come up with a personal bio to post and then put together an action plan for what to do after meeting a girl online. Not to worry though, Facebook thought of that too …

Okay, flowers are always a good idea. Girls always love flowers and when you pick her up for a date giving her flowers gets things off to a nice start. Of course, I have another problem …

Right! Gotta look good for that date right! But, there’s still another problem. I’m not much on going out. I prefer a more laid back casual evening …

There we go! Dinner and a movie at home! Damn Facebook! You’ve got my whole social life all planned out! Way to go and thanks!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Help With Facebook Comments

Hola y’all! You know, social media can be pretty complicated, especially Facebook. Some people post so often and such a variety of stuff that sometimes you just don’t know what to say in the comments. Sure, the vast majority of the time all you need to do is “like” someone’s status update, but sometimes it’s necessary to actually say something.

So, I’ve decided to make a list of comments that you can just copy and paste as needed. This way you don’t have to stop and think of something to say and can keep on scrolling and sending out game requests…

- FAKE!

- Oh BullSHIT!

- Eww

- Well if it’s on the internet, it MUST be true.

- How YOU doin’ huh baby?

- LOL!

- My deepest condolences to you and your family.

- Outstanding! You really nailed the contrast on that one.

- People! They’re the worst!

- What a cute kid!

- You're a hot mess! 

- Congrats!

- WTF is wrong with him/her? (Editor’s Note: You’ll almost ALWAYS use “him” in this reply.)

- Oh that’s a bummer!

- That looks delicious!

- Woo-Hoo!

- That’s hot.

- Nice legs.

- Way to go!

- Loser

- You know what? Fuck you!

- Passive aggressive post is passive aggressive.

- HA! Well done!

- Nice Ass

- Fuck that.

- I love you.

- It’s always something, isn’t it?

- Do I know you?

Well, there you go. This should cover most situations for ya. You’re welcome.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on IWS we talked about travelling, road trips, summer fun and more this week! We also checked in with Party Marty up in Put In Bay, Ohio, Billy the Kid down at the Beer Mine, and then a special call from Seal Coat Guy! Totally check out the Ratchet Summer Show!

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