IWS Person of the Week...Satan!!

Happy Halloween season and who better to be the IWS Person of the Week than none other than that man of macabre mysticism and netherworld narcissism known as Satan!?

That's right, Mr. Satan...be he known as Satan, The Devil, Lucifer, or Nimrod...Satan is the dirty bomb, and our IWS Person of the Week.

Sure, he can appear to be creepy as he truly is...

But he has noteworthy powers such as taking on the looks of anyone or anything he desires.  Sometimes he shape shifts himself into a singular human being...

When this happens, sometimes, little children find him incredibly cute...

Once in a great while, he will appear to a doting public as a mere two-headed hydra of adorable proportions...

And then again, with anti-Christ hate deep within his non-soul, Satan often appears as an ill-informed and unholy trio as he mocks not only the Holy Trinity itself, but common sense as well...

So...Here's to Satan as we make him our IWS Person of the Week.  The Devil's Food Cake cake is on us.

And for more Halloween frivolity...Join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players as they celebrate all things ghoulish during their Halloween Spooktacular and Boobie Show LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Listen LIVE and call-in at 661.244.9852 and celebrate Halloween with the funniest show on the BTR Network.

To listen LIVE click HERE!!

IWS Person of the Week...Lepus Curpaeums

Happy Easter everyone.  In honor of this most joyous day of messianic resurrection, the staff of IWS Radio is proud to name the person who is responsible for this celebration made possible, today's IWS Person of the Week.

The Easter Bunny, or as we refer to him at IWS Radio HQ...

The Lepus Curpaeums Who Saved Jesus!!

For centuries after rescuing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ from a tomb of obscurity, the Easter Bunny has continued to work miracles and spread the gospel of Jesus joy to millions of children.  Children such as these two adorable ragamuffins...

And this precocious scalawag...

Some children initially rebuke the Easter Bunny's message of truth and righteousness...

But in the end, they too, come to love him...

So here's to Lepus Curpaeums also known as The Easter Bunny, The Reason for the Season, and now known as, The IWS Person of the Week.  Congrats!!

IWS Easter joy doesn't end with this post.  Oh Hell No!!  Join Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio team as we celebrate Easter LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Rev. Moneymaker, Paul Piatt, Phil Diller and Jesus Christ will be on hand as they throw down the funny. Annnnnnnd, even bigger than Christ himself?  Guy Ahnyurdyck interviews the Easter Bunny.  That's quality entertainment at a fair price right there!!

Jay and Matt will also being calling prayer lines as well as various foreign embassies including the Vatican so they can wish Pope Francis a Happy Easter.

All that plus your calls today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on the IWS Radio.

Celebrate the Christ with us LIVE today by clicking HERE.

Son of God: The Movie

Hiya Chuckleheads…This is the Matt-Man, and today I am spreading the good news of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That’s right…Just like the parishioner patriots over at FOX News, I am here today to tout the forthcoming movie that revolves around Messianic miracles…a movie so SHOCKING, yet inspiring, and never before seen on screen…

The movie to which I refer?

Son of God.

Damn right…The 20th Century Fox movie, Son of God, based upon the successful HBO miniseries, The Bible, will be released this Friday, February 28th in theaters nationwide.

Son of God is produced by legendary TV guy, Mark Burnett, and his quasi-hot, actress wife, Roma Downey, of Touched by an Angel fame…

Well?  For some strange reason, the FOX News network is all over this, and have invited the Jesus producing couple onto their network nativity 24/7 the past few days, in order to promote the Son of God movie.

I understand the network promoting a movie by a sibling company, but Jesus Christ, FOX News has been all over the release of this movie like the lips of Judas upon the Son of God’s cheek.  And…FOX’s coverage is nearly as wet and grotesque.

The other night, Sean Hannity had a forty member or so “focus group” on his show, in order to critique the Son of God film which they were allowed to preview.

The focus group, made up of diverse right-wing Christian Conservatives such as Sean Hannity himself, gave it eighty thumbs up!!

I would have thought there might have been at least one Judas in the “diverse” focus group who only gave it one thumb up, but…no.  Praise Jeebus!!

I know…I know…

FOX News is praising this movie because it allows them to sing to the choir of their demographics.  Right-wing…Christian…God-Fearing people who everyday hear from FOX News, that Christians are day by sad Muslim loving day, being diminished, discriminated against, and ostracized, because well…

The 2-8% of non-Christians in America have been, and continue to, deface nativity scenes, kick Santa Claus out of cancer centers, and have sucked the once-powerful truth serum of laying one’s hands on the Bible prior to giving testimony during a court proceeding.

Fucking non-Christian antagonists!!

I understand where Hannity and FOX News are coming from.  They talk about how that Liberal snake-pit of Hollywood has failed to release a movie about the life of Jesus from birth to resurrection since the Greatest Story Ever Told was released some 49 years ago.

Oh sure, there have been more than a few dozen movies about Jesus in the meantime, but none that have covered his entire life from manger to ascension…and like most of my fervent Christian friends like Sean Hannity and William Donohue, I too, have found that troubling.

Not a day has gone by since 1965 that I haven’t cursed Hollywood for not making an updated, uber complete, life of Jesus movie.  It’s what I longed for, ever since FOX News told me to.

Ha…whatever.

FOX News exists in order to generate ratings and revenues like any other network, and currently they are doing it by playing the Son of God movie angle to their viewers.

That’s fine by me…however, I do have a bone to pick about this movie being heralded by FOX News to be the ENTIRE story of Jesus…

Jesus is supposed to come back one day; so, the movie is not complete, nor his story over.  And if, and when, the J-Man does come back…

Will he appreciate you guys at FNC exploiting his good will in order to pump up your ratings?

I don’t fucking think so.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Person of the Week: Jesus Christ!

IWS Radio is proud to announce that our Person of the Week is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Prince of Peace himself …. Jesus Christ!!

Jesus was born a really long time ago in Bethlehem (or Nazarene or Galilee or whatever) sometime between early fall and late spring, but we celebrate his birthday on December 25^th!!

Jesus was a great guy who liked to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. He turned water into wine then got drunk and tipped over the bingo tables and drove out the money changers. Then he went and hung out with the strippers and hookers and other sinners. (Just like Jayman does!)

He is also the all-time Hide-and-Seek champion of the WORRLLLLLLDDDD!

So, from all us here at IWS Radio, a very sincere and heartfelt Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

Don’t forget to join us for a Holly Jolly Festivus as we continue to celebrate Christmas and throw in a little Festivus at 12 Noon ET on IWS Radio!!!

Jesus Christ People, Leave Me Alone!

Hola to all the true believers, nonbelievers and everyone in between! Jesus People have really stepped up their game here in Redneckville over the last couple of weeks. I’ve been getting lots of church flyers on my door and even a few on my car which really annoys me. It’s supposed to be against the rules here at the Palatial Estates for people to go door-to-door or put fliers on cars but if anyone tries to run them off they’ll be accused of supporting El Diablo, Al Qaeda and/or Barack Obama. Of course most people here think Obama IS an Al Qaeda supporting Anti-Christ anyway.

Lately though, the Jesus People have gotten much more aggressive than just leaving flyers.  A couple of weeks ago a man and woman showed up at my door on a Saturday at 11 am hoping to talk to me about Jesus. They were from the Baptist Church which is the Big Dog of churches here in town. They pretty much dominate everything.

Anyhoodle, these two banged on my door and when I answered immediately handed me this little Jesus booklet talking about not just the history of Jesus, but the entire 6,000 year history of Earth. The highlight was the Eternal Life Birth Certificate…

Just fill it out and keep it with you at all times because that’s your ticket to Heaven! Just show St. Peter that and he will step aside and let you right in. Hell … er … Heck, you won’t even have to stand in line OR watch the orientation and safety video if you have one of those with ya.

After they handed me the booklet they attempted to invite themselves in so they could sit down, have a glass of lemon iced tea and talk Jesus with me. I politely yet firmly stood my ground and told them to have a nice day. The nerve of those people! Trying to come into my home and talk Jesus shit when there was college football on!

There was another Jesus related incident today. I had just finished my weekly shopping trip to Aldi and was returning my cart like a good member of society would when a woman walked right up to me and handed me yet another Jesus booklet while saying “Hello! You should read this.” Then she turns and walks off.

So this is how people are spreading the good word now? Harassing people in their own homes and accosting them in grocery store parking lots? Really? REALLY?!

I’m all for freedom of religion and I consider myself a Christian, but I’m also for freedom FROM religion. I shouldn’t be harassed both in public and at home by people who seem to believe that not only am I in need of saving but arrogantly believe that THEY have been chosen by God to do so.

I’ve never been a big fan of organized religion and don’t believe that you have to go to church every week or even ever to be a good Christian. In fact, I’ve found lots of churches that are full of really bad, fake Christians. So many people feel that just showing up for an hour or so every Sunday plus on Christmas Eve and hating gays is all it takes to get into Heaven.

I do know lots of people who have found great churches to attend and become involved in. They find lots of comfort in going to church and their church is like a family. That’s awesome! I’m very happy for them and honestly sometimes would like to find that too. Unfortunately that just doesn’t exist here in Redneckville.

Seriously though Jesus people, let me watch college football and do my grocery shopping in peace.

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