My Name Is Thanksgiving...Remember Me?

Hi all…Thanksgiving here for I’m With Stupid. Yeah…That’s right, I’m Thanksgiving.

An actual entity called Thanksgiving, talking to you from the pages of I'm With Stupid. Well, not an actual entity…perhaps more of a spiritual entity. And sadly…

Be I spiritual, or corporeal, an entity that has now grown old and hackneyed in the eyes, minds, and souls of many Americans.

I used to matter. Yep, it’s true.

Hell, for nearly 150 years I was a big deal. Ever since Lincoln called for a national day of Thanksgiving, families across America would once a year, gather ‘round their tables, break bread, repair old friendships, and once in awhile, begin new ones.

It was a day that the entire nation took a deep breath, reflected on its heritage, and showed appreciation for those who through immigration, religious persecution, or just plain luck, ultimately allowed those of us here today, to enjoy the fruits of this nation.

And now?

I Thanksgiving, have become but an oxymoron in that I am both an afterthought and noted precursor to the commercial hegemony that is Christmas.

I deserve more than that.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the courage of those who offered America her chance at greatness when they landed on Plymouth Rock and elsewhere, in hopes of building a brighter future in the face of hunger, sickness, and more than a few pissed off Indians.

And…while it’s true that July 4, 1776 marks the birth of this great nation and we celebrate it magnanimously, the stubborn and fertile seed that was planted in order to make that happen, was sown when the brave and oppressed from Europe landed here some 150 years prior to that.

And on Thanksgivings prior, we as a nation, as neighborhoods, and as families, would celebrate the struggles of the Pilgrims and the arduous task of colonizing this country.

We would give thanks to those gone before us and more importantly to those with us, because just as the Pilgrims had to rely upon each other, we would recognize the fact that we rely upon our families and friends as well.

And then, just somewhat recently…the national camaraderie muted, the familial bonds loosened, and the hour glass speed at which we celebrated Thanksgiving and each other, turned into the break neck pace of a stopwatch counting down to the Christmas season.

I today, am but a shell of my former self. I get six hours tops.

People eat at one or so, make small talk, exchange Christmas wish lists, and then, after a post-tryptophan nap, hit the stores for Black Friday sales, in the name of celebrating Jesus, the Maccabees, and whomever or whatever.

I today, in this world of 24/7 Cable News, big box store sales, and instant messaging, have become an anachronism…nothing more than a Norman Rockwell painting that embodies the “quaint” times which define, Americana.

I’m saddened, but have a word or two of hope for you on the day which honors me…

For those of you who are taking the time to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends and family, God bless you, and may you delight in the warmth of good food, good wine, and good company for hours upon end.

For those of you who look at me but nothing more than a prologue to Christmas, God bless you as well and I hope you soon rediscover what Cicero said many centuries ago:

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.” 

Sincerely,

Thanksgiving

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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This Thanksgiving, Matt-Man Is Giving Til' It Hurts

With less than a week before America gluttonously celebrates Thanksgiving with food, wine, and Black
Friday shopping specials, I thought it would be nice to take time and reflect on the word Thanksgiving itself…Specifically, the last half of said word.

Giving.

While it is nice that at this time of year people trumpet with clarion call for what they are thankful, it would be nice to hear more from the trumpeting brass section of life about what people are doing in the matter of giving.

I being a humble man, hate to broadcast the many nice things I have done for others, but I feel perhaps it is time to exploit relate a couple of incidences of my generosity that I have shown recently in order to give people a push to do the same in their lives.

Recently, Jayman approached me and asked if we could not do a show this Sunday, November 23rd.  He said that he needed to spend quality time with his family in honor of Thanksgiving.  I said, “Of course, family comes first.”  However…

When Blog Talk Radio CEO Alan Levy was informed about us not doing this Sunday’s show, he with gnashing of the teeth and a less than competent posse of knife-wielding tech ninjas surrounding him said…

“You will surely do a show, or…you will surely die.”

Jayman along with a steel-spined and giving Matt-Man by his side, stood resolute…

Needless to say, we are still on Blog Talk Radio, but are not doing a show this Sunday.  And then?

The Beer Mine has a relatively new employee.  Beer Mine Beth has been with us for some seven months now and has kids…kids who desperately want, need, and hope to spend the blessed day of Thanksgiving with their mama, but…there was problem.

The Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rd. in Bagwine, OH.) is open on Thanksgiving and Beth typically works on Thursdays.  Yours truly could not bear to envision her precious little ones spending Thanksgiving Day wiping away the tears, longing to be held in a maternal grasp while foraging on cold Beefaroni, so…

I told Beer Mine Beth that I would work Thanksgiving Day for her.  Sure I know…I could be spending it at home with my family, but, well…my family understands that the Welcome Mat laid upon the stoop of my heart and good-nature is one that reads:  “Wipe your troubles from off your feet; and at my giving table, please have a seat.”

Sure, it’s a pretty large welcome mat that contains that message, but let me tell you…the front porch of my heart is big enough to display it.

And well…That’s what I am all about this Thanksgiving...giving.  In fact, while some folks call me Matt-Man, some call me Matt, and others even call me Matty.  For all of the giving that I have been giving this Thanksgiving, I want to be known as the Amattican Red Cross.

Please follow my Christ-Like example, and as always…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Jay and Matt Are Talking Turkey and Shoving the Stuffing

It’s almost Thanksgiving and what better way to prepare for our nation’s feast than to talk turkey and gobble up some laughs with Jay and Matt on the IWS Radio Show?

Tomorrow LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET, Jay and Matt will discuss Thanksgiving memories, pumpkin flavor overkill, and most importantly how to deal with drunk and/or judgmental family members who enjoy bringing others to tears during the holiday gatherings.

Jay and Matt will have the great debate…Green Bean Casserole, disgusting trash or delectable treasure?

All hands will be on deck as Bobby Kraft, Guy Ahnyurdyck, Drew Peacock, Rev. Moneymaker, Slyder Balzcock and the rest of IWS team talk about what they are thankful for while Joey Goodbar and Buddy Acapella sing the sounds of Thanksgiving.

All of that plus YOUR phone calls as IWS Radio kicks off the holiday season by plucking the birds, shoving the stuffing, and serving up the laughs as America celebrates Thanksgiving 2014.

Join us LIVE TOMORROW from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio celebrates Thanksgiving with our Thanksgiving 2014: A Cornucopia of Comedy edition.

To listen LIVE (or later in archives) click HERE!! 

Memorial Day 2014...Click To Listen

Happy Memorial Day and dig it…

You all are in for a treat because not only do you see the beautiful pic of our incredibly to die for friend Tiff, our IWS Radio Memorial Day Babe of the Day to the right, but yesterday?

Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team put on one helluva radio show, and you can catch it all right HERE.

No shit!?  It’s like…as we were dong it…it was recorded on Blog Talk Radio or something.  It’s fancy!!

IWS Radio celebrated Memorial Day without using this solemn day without turning it into our own marketing bitch for mattresses, liquor sales, or FOX News.

Jay, Matt, Joshua, Tammy Tibbles, and others, talked about how great America is, and how we mourn those who have passed on in order to secure our right to do an internationally famous internet radio show.

Now there was a bit of a hiccup on the show as an unscheduled guest chimed in.

The adorable TamiJ chimed in, and pontificated on Obama Care, Oregon politics, and read us her resume as well.

She quickly dispatched herself from the conversation once she listened to Slyder Balzcock read In Flanders Fields, making a mockery of the fallen soldiers that have…fallen before us.  So atypical of a self-proclaimed right-wing, God fearing, gun toting, Conservative.

Very sad, but worth a listen. Actually, Tami is very animated, cute, and entertaining, but we need to keep her in check.  She talks too much, too quickly, and unless she can prove otherwise in the future, wrong on every issue.

But all in all, yesterday’s IWS Radio Show was awesome.  The boys talked about the heroes gone by, and the burgers yet to be grilled.

It was the perfect blend of Memorial Day chicanery to the revelers, and Memorial Day honor to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for this great country of ours.

So…

Today, while you are honoring the dead, and cooking up burgers and brats, listen to IWS Radio…

To listen, and spend part of your Memorial Day with us, click right HERE, or watch below...

Christmas Time Layoffs Suck

“Fire and damnation! Don't they know that I'm trying to run a business here?"

--Scrooge

Well hail and welcome to the Christmas Season one and all.

Two weeks plus one day until we celebrate the birth of the Holy Baby Jeebus and/or shallowly shower each other with lead based gifts from China and gift cards to Subway.

Kidding, kidding, of course.  I love Christmas.  I’m Father Christmas…I am Matt-Man Christmas.

I know…I may have sounded sarcastic just then, but I really do love Christmas, because it is, religious affiliation aside, fun time with family and friends no matter what your denomination or liturgical proclivity.

However…

My Red and Green Christmas has just suffered a Black Eye, because after twelve and a half years of being “The Girl Friday”, my BFF/OSP, Schmoop, has been callously laid off by one Bill “Scrooge” Pence.

That’s right…

Last year at this time as Schmoop spent seven hours on a gutting table in order to remove a uncooperative bile duct by a trained physician, she now spends this Christmas getting her soul ripped out by a man who couldn't wait three weeks to lay her off and by the way, he smells like onions.

Ol’ Scrooge Pence was, and is probably saying…

“Merry Fucking Christmas Schmoop…You were my sidekick, gate-keeper, and confidante for nearly thirteen years, but it is time for me to have you gunned down like my Lenin to your Trotsky.  Sorry I couldn't tell you while you were at work today that you were laid-off, I wanted to wait and call you when you got home”

Feliz Navidad and Blammo!!

I will be attending Schmoop’s official firing today, and you know why?

Bill “Scrooge” Pence and his know-it-all Grandson VP who probably just received a raise, think they can get one pass the Schmoopster.

Little do they know the love I have for Schmoop, the knowledge I have of labor laws, or the power of IWS Radio to critically fuck them up.

You know what’s sad?

I hope that today…Schmoop gets her last paycheck from there; he hands her a signed letter of termination, and then she can apply for unemployment, and we move on.

But you know what?

He will add insult to injury by somehow tying things up, delaying it, or otherwise making a mess of things.

And if he does?

I hope you will join us this Sunday during our IWS Radio Office Christmas Party when we will discuss this further.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You

Cheeeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

Do you realize what day it is?  It’s exactly three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, and I always observe December 3rd as my…

What Do I Want for Christmas Day!!

Why do I observe such a day three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, you ask?

Well…

Three weeks may be plenty for a normal person to decide what they want for Christmas, but as I am one who procrastinates, that extra day provides me with a much needed buffer between Christmas joy and being left with an empty feeling when I receive nothing but leftover love from my son on Christmas, as Jay and I discussed on Sunday’s, IWS Radio broadcast.

Anyhoo…

If I really were to want something for Christmas, I would want a Grade A microphone/headset combination.  I mean, the one I have is okay, but it sounds “tinny” no matter what adjustments I make to it.  I have a whiny voice to begin with and the tinny sounding microphone doesn't help to improve my voice nor my rep.

New speakers for my computer would be nice as well.  The speakers that I currently have, are getting a little tired.  I think that perhaps, too many Stubby Stonehenge replays through their tiny tweeters and woofers have distorted their sound.  Yeah, new speakers would be nice.

There’s one last thing I would like…okay two actually.

A block of Velveeta “cheese”, and a Cassano’s pizza or sub.

I know…boring, right?

Perhaps to some of the younger hipsters, but I have discovered something as I type this two months shy of my 49th birthday.  As I get older, Christmas means something much different than it did when I was a kid or even ten years ago.

I’m not talking about having a liturgical type of religious experience or anything, but Christmas has become, in a way, a time of year and day, that as my age rears its ugly head, a time that I also recognize all of the old friendships that grace my life.

The first time that Christmas made me feel old was about ten years ago.  My mom called me and asked what I would like for Christmas.  I didn't ask for a cool and hip toy, game, or latest what have ya like I did when I was a kid.  Noooooooo…I said to Mom…

“I could really use some new socks, or maybe a new white dress shirt, or a tie.”

IKR?  That’s pretty sexy.  Nearly as sexy as wanting a block of Velveeta or a Cassano’s pizza, but here’s the thing.

As I get older, if someone asks me what I would like for Christmas, it is always something I need, because as for me, the excitement of Christmas has become not the gift, but the rekindling and reconnecting with people that I like and I love.

My favorite part of Christmas is going to my brother’s house on Christmas Eve and partying with my family, all the while exchanging gift cards that we would probably buy ourselves for ourselves, and then…

Spending Christmas Day with Schmoop as we play music, eat way too much, drink way too much, and laugh way too much (if that’s possible) all damn day.

I don’t believe that Christmas as observed is the actual day of the birth of Jesus, and I do believe that if Christ were alive today, he would be appalled by its celebration, but I do think one thing.

Be it a hoax, a religious event, a secularist party, or just another day on the calendar, Christmas is an excellent time and/or excuse to reconnect with, and drunk dial those you love.

And if that’s all Christmas truly is, I like that…a lot.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_IWS
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IWS Radio is Tan, Rested, and Ready!!

Theyyyyyyyyyyy're Back!!

That's right folks...after taking a week off during the Thanksgiving season in order to spend time with those who can most tolerate them, Jay and Matt are back!!

And.........!!

THE Number Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio airs LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio gang, kick off the holiday season by bringing you...

War on Christmas 2013:  Rise of the Tinsel!!

Join IWS Radio today as the dynamic duo breaks down this season's yuletide battle plans, gives the low down on the holiday season thus far, mocks Gretchen Carlson, and gives honor and glory to the Holy Baby Jeebus.

Rev. Moneymaker, Paul Piatt, and a cast of thousands will be on hand to help Jay and Matt capture the blow by blow carnage of this year's War on Christmas.

All of that plus your phone calls TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on IWS Radio.  To catch all of the socio-religious military action LIVE, click HERE.

A Holiday Break Comes to IWS Radio

Cheers and Happy Monday to you all…This is Hangover Matt typing a mundane post on the IWS Radio website.

Hungover?  Matt?  I am shocked!! You are saying?

Well let me tell you, typically on Sundays here in the Bagwine digs, after Jay and I do the radio show, my partner in crime Schmoop, usually eats and then goes to bed, leaving me to just calmly “hang out” for the day.

Yesterday, that was not the case, noooooo.

After another excellent IWS Radio Broadcast, Schmoop popped open some beers, we listened to music, watched the incredible lightning displays, and five hours and a thirty pack of Milwaukee Best Light later, we were wonderfully tanked!!

Oh hell yes…tanked, but…It was nice.

We don’t get to do that together very often, and in fact, unless I dreamt it, we were even naked together part of that time.  That right there is an incredible rarity!!

Yes…yesterday was nice.

But yesterday is over and now, it’s time to get back to work, and back to the ice cold harshness of reality, or something.  Seriously though, today, let’s just catch our breath as I outline some goings on here at IWS.

Our November 9th show was of course #1 in Comedy, but also hit #3 in the much larger Entertainment category, so a big ol’ shout to all of you who listened and helped us to hit that mark!!

Jayman is leaving for warm and wonderful Omaha this coming Saturday, and will be enduring his family for a week so IWS Radio will be on a hiatus of sorts.

Yep, next week, there will be no posts on the IWS website (unless something earth shattering happens) annnnnd…the will be no IWS Radio Show on Saturday November 24th.  I know…I know…that’s a tough pill to swallow, but it must be.

Jayman will be whooping it up in Nebraska and I will use that day to procure the needed supplies for our big Thanksgiving menu which I will be preparing here in the Bagwine digs on the 28th.

Also, we have picked up some new fans on Facebook, so if you haven’t liked the IWS Radio page, you can click right here and help a couple brothers out as well.

Also, we have always asked people that if they have something to say, they are more than welcome to post on the IWS website.  If you ‘d like to do that simply get a hold of Jay or me, and you will become famous.

Lastly…

Jayman and I did another award winning IWS show yesterday.  We talked turkey and the holidays.  Martin had some Meditations, Dixie Ozark was awesomely amusing, Buddy Acapella debuted his new #1 hit song, Stubby Stonehenge gave a history lesson on Nebraska, and we had a delightful phone call from Greg of Circle G Ranch.

It was, in a word, awesome!!

So give it a listen.  If this show doesn't put you in the holiday mood, you are already dead inside.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Matt Said, Jay Said...888-836-7025

Matt strains to hear...Jay whispers...You say, what the fuck?

Matt:  Hello?
Jay:  hello.
Matt:  HELLO?
Jay:  matt…it’s me, jayman.
Matt:  JAY!?
Jay:  shhhh…keep it down.
Matt:  What?  Why the hell are you whispering?
Jay:  i’m at nana creta’s funeral and this is our only chance to prep before sunday’s show.

Matt:  oh okay…how’s the funeral going?
Jay:  oh fine, i haven’t embarrassed myself yet.
Matt:  excellent…is your hair still holding its own again the wind and the elements.
Jay:  it looks pretty damn good…if i do say so, myself.
Matt:  you just did.
Jay: i know right?

Matt:  hey…our show this sunday is a blog talk radio staff pick.  we need to be “on it.”
Jay:  i know…it’s as if btr knew i was grieving and vulnerable and decided to finally feature our show.
Matt:  it’s as if those bastards know when we aren’t ready.
Jay:  that’s okay; we’ll adapt and overcome.

Matt:  true dat.  what are you guys doing after the funeral?
Jay:  probably just hang out, and play some yahtzee or something.
Matt:  HA!!
Jay:  shhhhhhhh
Matt:  ooooo….sorry, but it’s funny you say that, because Schmoop and I are currently playing monopoly.
Jay:  awwww, that’s nice.  board games like that bring people closer together.
Matt:  i love board games, especially at this holiday time of year with friends and family getting together.

Jay:  maybe we could talk about our all-time favorite games n’shit.
Matt:  AWESOME IDEA!!
Jay:  DAMN MATT….SHHHHHHHH.
Matt:  you too…shush…
Jay:  oh jeez…okay, i’m better now.  that was close…
Matt:  everything okay?
Jay:  yeah, i think perhaps that one freaky cousin i barely know heard me, but it’s all good.
Matt: okay.

Matt:  okay then…we’ll talk about the holidays and board games bringing us all together with jesus and each other…

Matt:  jay?

Jay:  sorry…rev. moneymaker is eulogizing.
Matt:  our rev. moneymaker?
Jay:  well sure…he’s already on staff…why pay for an outsider?
Matt:  wow…from now on when i think of you, i will think…cost-effective.
Jay:  hey, money doesn't grow on trees ya know, but in a way, board games do.
Matt:  good point.

Jay:  alright then…i think we are ready for the games people play show.
Matt:  yes we are.  it should be a huge one.
Jay:  but not nearly as huge as the life that my nana creta lived.
Matt:  word.  a good woman through and through.
Jay:  yes she was, and will be missed.

Matt and Jay:  AMEN!!

Matt and Jay:  OH SHIT!!  shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So folks, join IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay and I discuss our favorite games, and as we discuss the wicked mind games that friends and family play throughout the holiday season.

To listen LIVE this Sunday, you can click right HERE!!  

Happy 9/11 America!!

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy 9/11 to you all!!

Today marks the 12th Anniversary of the attacks by Al-Qaeda upon the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and an additional, yet thwarted terrorist mission, that in all, left over 3,000 innocent people dead.

In order for you to better enjoy and make a social splash while observing this tragic date, I have a few tips for you.

First of all…For those of you who follow traditional anniversary etiquette, keep in mind that the 12th Anniversary, is the Silk Anniversary.

So if you plan to surprise someone with a Happy 9/11 Anniversary present, a silk robe for your hot patriotic man would be great, and for that star-spangled lady in your life, silk pajamas make an excellent gift idea.

If you are going to feign reflection, remorse, and a bit of outrage on this day, you may as well feign away while ensconced in the comfort of cool, comfortable, and finely woven Chinese silk, especially during this unusual September heat wave!!

Secondly…in order to begin your day of remembrance off to a good, healthy, my country right or wrong start, you need to put something up on Facebook to pronounce to the world and to your “friends”, that you have not forgotten.

A picture of the Twin Towers along with a quote that says, “Never Forget” is always nice, but if you want to be an amber waves of grain show stopper…Simply post “Proud to be An American” by Lee Greenwood or “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith.

Once you have done your rise-and-shine, pre-requisite posting on Facebook, and have spent four hours at work, it’s time to exhale some of that emotional distress that has been building inside of you.  So, here’s a thought…

Getting together for lunch with colleagues with you whom work, would be great way to celebrate as well, and rid yourself, for a brief moment anyway, of that post-9/11 angst.

You could meet up at a good and wholesome American eatery such as Appleby’s, Pizza Hut, or P.F. Chang’s and reminisce about where you were and what you were doing when the attacks went down.

Misery loves company, and it loves it even more while eating Crab Rangoon, and grazing upon an All-You-Can-Eat salad bar.  And make certain to tip your waiter or waitress well today, because he or she is probably as reflective and sullen as you, but being the customer service professional that he or she is?  Is not permitted to “let it out.”

Now when you get home today and want to make a special, Happy 9/11 dinner for your introspective family, I have a suggestion.

In honor of all of the airline passengers who died on 9/11, serve your family an airline meal…

Of course, a great meal needs to finish with a great dessert (especially if you have kids), so why not a special 9/11 cake..?

And to mark the end of your special anniversary day, you can listen to and dance along to Sean Hannity blessing our troops, and putting you and all of America on guard saying that this will happen again as long as Barack Obama is President.

A perfect ending to a perfect day of celebration.

I hope I have helped you out, and I hope you enjoy your Happy 9/11 Day as much as the marketers, the pundits, and the politicians do every year.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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