A Mexican Immigrant Has Sent Me Upon a Trail of Tears

Cheers and a Happy Thursday to you all…well…to all of you, but uno.

“What, you ask?  Is Matt-Man feeling down on somebody?  That is so unlike him.”, you mutter.

Yes IWS Radio fans, readers, and listeners…

I am feeling a bit of anger and let down by a person who I thought to be a friend of mine, and to the IWS Radio Show and its vast and diverse worldwide audience as well.

For those of you who follow Jay, myself, and IWS Radio, you may recall a man by the name of Luis.  Or know him by the moniker The Ice Man.

Luis is a Mexican immigrant who last summer became a U.S. citizen, and who has for years and continues to this day, to deliver bags of ice to the Beer Mine…conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett in Bagwine, Ohio.

Anyway…Luis is…er, was…a friend of the show.

We have had Luis and his wife as well mind you, on the show a couple of times in order to celebrate his rough journey from the poverty of Mexico to his travels both physically and legally into becoming a U.S. citizen.

It was but a year or so ago when I posted a congratulatory message of …um…congratulations to him on becoming an official U.S. citizen on this very website.

Jay and I also simulcasted our appreciation of his efforts on the IWS Radio show when it all went down.

Luis was happy to be on the show…asked me every week during his drop off how the show was doing , and was rooting us on.

Yeah, we were all a big happy Mexican-Family back then when IWS Radio was but a cute little show, and then?  A year later, after the slow yet eventual Americanizing of Mr. Luis had clasped her eagle talons and amber waves of grain upon him…he evidently changed.

Monday, when he stopped by the Beer Mine to make his ice delivery, I told him that IWS Radio is now getting between 15-20,000 listens a week, and he responded in a tone that spoke of bewilderment…

“Why?”, and before I could respond he added…

“What the hell kind of people listen to you guys?”

I was in a word…hurt.

See?  Here we are…

Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio Nation standing behind the struggles and ultimate victory of Luis overcoming his treacherous desert journey, his trail of tears upon a hike amongst scorpions, thugs, and the Chupacabra, and at long last liberty achieving his goal of American Citizenship, and what do we get in return?

Nothing but a hot, Baja California-Sized dose of German schadenfreude from a Mexican who is now an American.  Un…fucking…believable!!

I am still happy that Luis has become an American, but what I am not happy about, is that he has become in one short year, typically American.

Americans root for the underdog and then when said up and comer gets a taste of success, Americans chew and claw at the success of the underdog like the aforementioned Chupacabra.

It breaks my heart Luis…It breaks my heart, but nonetheless…Make sure you bring our ice by 3 o’clock this coming Monday if you haven’t taken the day off, or called in sick like Americans tend to do on Mondays.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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IWS Person of the Week...Luis Guerrero

Cheers and Hola Mi Amigos, it's time for the IWS Person of the Week...

"Hopping the fence or wading the Rio Grande River isn't part of America's immigration process."

--Ted Nugent (R-Draft Dodger Universe)

“We could also electrify this wire (on the border) with the kind of current that would not kill somebody, but it would simply be a discouragement for them to be fooling around with it. We do that with livestock all the time.”

Rep. Steve King (R-IA)

"Do you know the rate of military enlistment among Hispanics is higher than any demographic in this country?"

--Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Than what the hell is your reason, Mr. Cruz and Mr. King, for stalling immigration of "livestock" type folks who want to help defend this country and contribute??

Our friend Luis has this week, proven that immigration, whether initially an illegal thing or not, is a good thing.

And Luis is now officially an American citizen.  Which means two things to us here at IWS Radio.

We are incredibly proud of him, and now we know that he will be around forever in order that we can secretly put signs on the back of his ice truck as he unknowingly pulls away!!  

And if that right there isn't funny enough for ya, tune into IWS Radio today from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay and Matt celebrate National Bad Poetry Day!!  

Many of our correspondents have their poems ready for you and we will talk to, Party Marty Live from Chicago, Nurse Sherri with a polemics offering, and of course, the Man of the Hour, or in this case, the Week...Luis!!

You can catch us LIVE today from Noon-PM by clicking HERE!!

Luis Guerrero is the Statue of Liberty!!

Hola…I mean...Hello.

Luis Guerrero here, and I want to say something.

Thank you America for welcoming me into your somewhat warm and embracing, yet sometimes cold and snowy country, which I hate.

The snow and the cold that is, not the country.

After several years of working hard, paying taxes, receiving no benefits, and living on a prayer and a Green Card, I took my citizenship test in July, had my citizen induction ceremony yesterday, and am now proud ‘Merican.

I know right?

You thought I simply tried to escape the hunger and empty dinner table of Mexico, by traversing hundreds of mile of desert, and all the while evading Border Patrol Agents and ne’er do wells, in order to simply come here to rape your pearly white daughters, illegally siphon off of your unending stream of goodwill, and raise the political capital of one Canadian-Born Cuban, U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX).

But no…This is not the case.

You see?

I came to ‘Merica to escape the poverty of my land…to realize that I can work and gain reward…to know that I don’t have to look over my back to see if a pissed off drug cartel guy, with gun in hand, is looking at me “funny.”

I came to marry a lady and have a happy, not so worried and not so hungry life with kids, cookouts, and parties once in awhile.

I came here as a hard worker who just wanted an opportunity.  ‘Merica is all about that, and she has given me my opportunity, and I will not let her down, because I won’t let myself or my family down, but let me tell you…

Now that I am ‘Merican, I have put in for a two weeks vacation.  As an ice delivery guy, I may or may not get to your place of business on time, and…

There will be a ten minute break between every ten ice bags I put into your cooler.  The new helper, with far less seniority, demands it.  And really? Who am I to judge?

Drive-By Mikey and Matt-Man may make fun of my new, slower process to filling their Ice Machine, but that’s because they we’re born with silver Ice Machines in their mouths, and I?

I was born with the deadly taste of the Chupacabra within my thirsty and hungry mouth.

I had to cross a desert twice and put up with INS for ten years in order to fill the Beer Mine's goddamn ice machine.

If either of those bastards had to walk a mile in my shoes, you know what they would say?

“Ewwwww, ouch, ouch, the hot desert sands of death are too much for my fragile feet.  I guess I’ll just live here in a life of squalor and crime.”

Coños!!  Er sorry…Pussies!!

Sorry…Sorry…I get off course.  Here’s the deal.

After ten years of paying my dues, and paying my taxes, I am ‘Merican.  I am not stealing your job or your hope.  I am living the life of a guy who loves his wife, his kids, and the chance of a better life here in ‘Merica.

And…Now that I am a true ‘Merican and have official seniority, it would be sweet if my route was changed, and I would no longer have to deliver ice to Mike and Matt again.

¡Adiós!  And God Bless 'Merica!!

Luis Guerrero…’Merican

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The Beer Mine...Offering Folks a Respite From the Heat

Cheers Chuckleheads and welcome to Summer 2013.  A heat wave has finally hit the Greater Bagwine Metroplex as temps will be in the 90’s all week.

On top of that, the owner of the locally famous and world wide infamous Beer Mine is on vacation this week so that leaves yours truly in charge of operations through this Saturday.

I feel that I should make my mark in the drive through beverage business and enact some changes while Drive-By Mikey is away.

So, The Beer Mine will be celebrating a different theme every day this week…

Monday is Free Wing Day!!  If you so choose, I will, like a cannon, wing a 40 oz. bottle of King Cobra Malt Liquor at you and if you catch it, it’s yours FREE.  If it shatters and forever disfigures your face, you owe me a buck ninety-two.

Tuesday is Buy One Get One Free Day!!  Anything and everything we sell at The Beer Mine is two for one; of course, Tuesday is also Twice the Usual Price on All Products Day, so it’s a win-win for both myself and the patrons.

Wednesday is Hump Day!!  Sometimes, I just love to give of myself and go all out for the customers.

Thursday is Thirsty Thursday!!  With every purchase of $100 or more, you will receive a free dum dum sucker and a voucher for a free bottle of ice cold Ice Mountain water on your next visit.

Friday is Freaky Friday!!  I know that when you come through this Friday you are going to happily stupefied when you notice upon your leaving that I have given you back then entire amount of change you were due.  Sure, it’ll cut down on my “tips”, but I am willing to sacrifice for you, the customer.

Saturday is Fire Sale Day!!  Why a Fire Sale you ask?  Because, after working sixty-seven hours at The Beer Mine this week, I am going to torch the joint to the ground.

So there you have it…a week of good-natured celebration as we endure the week of heat that has come to visit the Bagwine, Ohio area.

While you are deciding which day or days are best for you to through, you can listen to yesterday’s IWS Radio Show.  Jayman and I bought on the Heatwave of Hilarity.  We along with Chris Matthews, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton talked about the George Zimmerman verdict.  Ed from Detroit chimed in as well.

Dusty Sandman had the traffic report, Dixie Ozark interviewed Bobby Kraft about his motion picture debut, and we capped things by talking with Mrs. Luis who is married to one of America’s newest citizen, Luis the Beer Mine Iceman.  We also announced the debut of the Paul Piatt Facebook page.

If you missed it live you can listen to all of the hot hilarity right here:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
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