Jayman's Favorite Sex Euphemisms

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! As you know by now we did a Smut Showon IWS Radio last Sunday. You MIGHT have also noticed that we’re going to the other extreme this coming Sunday with a Good Wholesome Fun Show. Before things get too wholesome around here, I have something I need to do. I made a long list of my favorite sex euphemisms for the show last week just in case we needed filler. We had so much audience participation that we didn’t need any filler at all which is awesome! It would be silly to just let all those euphemisms go to waste though. Don’t you think? I agree, so here we go ….

Dipping the corn dog in the batter.

Putting the sour cream on the taco.

Riding the skin bus to tuna town.

Parking the beef bus in the tuna garage

Glazing the muffin.

Take the old one eye to the optometrist.

Vulcanize the whoopee stick.

Burping the worm into the mole hole

Formatting the hard drive

Yodeling in the canyon of love.

Gland to gland combat.

Dinner beneath the bridge. (69ing)

Get into a bit of a jam.

Have some bananas and cream.

Slytherin her hufflepuff (for you Harry Potter fans)

Visiting her downtown dining and entertaining district

The no pants dance

Spelunking in the slime cave.

The four legged frolic

Get the old pole waxed

Parking your yacht in hair harbor

Making feet for baby shoes

Stretch the leather

Beef curtain immersion

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand …. Drive the fuck truck to cunt canyon.

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. I feel much better now.

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The Sarah Palin Channel is Here!! My Life is Complete!!

Hi gang.  Sarah Palin here and it is a beautiful Thursday here in the greatest country in the world, Alaska.

I am coming to you here on this page of the IWS Radio website pages because Jay and Matt were thankfully enough to offer me the opportunity to promote my new online TV channel called the…

Sarah Palin Channel.

I am super excited to be hosting a streaming online and unfiltered news show online as we cut through the unmanly crap and political correctness of the lame stream media.

Folks from NBC to Fox News could never get along with my hard hitting and rogue style of telling it how it is, so I am sticking this hockey mom’s middle finger into their eye by creating my own subscription network.

If it’s a good enough way to go for my pal Glenn Beck over at The Blaze Radio and TV Network, it’s good enough for this mama bear.  Amirite!?

Anyhoo…So I have started my own network and you can subscribe to it for only $9.95 a month or go rogue and get an entire year of me and insights for a mere $99.95, because unlike all of those krony kapitolists in Washington, I am always trying to save Jack and Jill America, some jack!!  Ha, see what I did there!?

I will cover the news events of the day for our subscribers as best as I know how.  Which means…You will hear information and my analysis that is one-of-kind, unique, and sooey generous.  And folks…

In addition to hard-hitting news and opinion we will offer you reports as to what makes America great, personal stories of true American patriots, and intimate looks into the happy and God-purposed life that fills the Palin household.

We also plan to branch out as soon as those subscriptions come rolling in, and several new Sarah Palin Network shows and even movies are on the drawing board as we speak.

Teenagers from Alaska, to Hawaii, to the 48 continuous states will love our religious-based sex education show, “Re-discover Abstinence Through an Unplanned Pregnancy with Bristol Palin Sponsored by Bartles and Jaymes.”

We plan to hire Newt Gingrich and S.E. Cupp away from CNN, add Alan Colmes to the mix, and produce a political roundtable show called, “Spineless Liberal Caught in a Crossfire.”

Knowing that people need a break from the day to day insanity and violence that in we now live, we will also offer some lighter shows.

You think your marriage is bad?  You don’t how bad marriage can be until you see that sometimes it comes down to who is going to cut the fire wood for the evening, that’s why we are producing, “The Real Housewives of Nome.”  Funny has never been so cold.

And ladies…We have a special show for you…My first dude Todd will oil up and play beach volleyball with Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Edwards every week as the Sarah Palin Channel airs, “The Angry Sands of Anchorage Bay.”

And our first movie is scheduled for a July 2015 release, and it‘s called…Roots 2008: The Rise of the Manchurian Kenyan.  I can’t tell you what it is all about , but I know that you will be SHOCKED!!

Anyhoo…I hope you will subscribe and join my new network, because America and Americans such as yourself need me more than ever, and?  I need you more than ever, because the speaking fees just aren’t cutting it any longer.

God Bless you if you subscribe and God Bless America!!

Sarah

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So What Else is In the News?

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! Well, let’s see what’s happening in the news …

- ESPN said they will not take disciplinary action* against on-air talent Stephen A. Smith after his offensive comments about women provoking domestic violence. Instead the network will punish Smith by forcing him to continue to have to work with Skip Bayless every weekday.

- Whoopie Goldberg said on ABC’s “The View” that people often believe they have some special right to tough or grab celebrities and that just isn’t right. In response to Goldberg’s comment, co-host Jenny McCarthy spent the rest of the show holding a finger two inches from Whoopie saying “I’m not touching youuuuuuuu …. I’m not touching youuuuuuuu.”

- A new poll shows that 86.5% of Israelis don’t want a ceasefire and want the IDF to continue its assault on Gaza. Further questioning found that most of people simply want it all done before the NFL season starts in September.

- This one time … at band camp … The director of the Ohio State marching band was treating band members horribly, berating them, calling them names, threatening them and knew about, but did nothing to stop a “highly sexualized culture” inside the band and … and … GOT HIS ASS FIRED FOR IT.

- Controversy erupted last week as Arizona became the latest state to botch an execution. Witnesses say that Joseph Wood “gasped and snorted” for more than an hour after the lethal injection chemicals were administered. When asked for comment governor Jan Brewer said “To be fair, I was gasping and snorting too. I mean, the whole thing was really pretty hilarious.”

- LeBron James announced that he will be going back to his old number 23 which he wore during his first stint with Cleveland. Former NBA great Michael Jordan announced the gives James his blessing to wear the number 23. Upon hear that, James said “Uh, yeah, that’s nice since nobody asked you.”

- On Sunday the New York Times editorial board came out in favor of the legalization of marijuana. The initial draft included a section that was not printed that basically said “Ohhhhhh these cupcakes are soooooooo good!! OHMYGOD! Maureen Dowd you gotta sprinkle some of that Cheetos dust on the vanilla cupcakes! It’s magical! Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhh DOOOOOOOOD!”

- The White House is said to be “fuming” over Israel’s criticisms of Secretary of State John Kerry. Actually, they’re just embarrassed because it all started with the standard “Why the long face John?” Then it turned out his feelings had actually been hurt by Israel and now everyone feels bad.

- A new recommendation this week says that Orthodox Jews with herpes should stop applying “direct oral suction” to baby’s penises during the traditional bris. After reading this report another group recommended this week that NOBODY apply “direct oral suction” to ANY baby’s penis at any time.

- A Ukrainian woman named Ekaterima Parkhomento posted selfies on her Instagram this week claiming to be wearing eye liner she looted from the wreckage of fight MH17. While most people were outraged by Ekaterima’s actions they mostly all agreed that she looked really great and could totally be a model.

- Fox News reported this week that “illegal immigrants protest outside White House, with little fear of repercussions.” Said Fox News president Roger Ailes “it’s almost like this has become a free country with some kind of silly right to petition the government or something.”

- Former Ohio governor Ted Strickland tried to live on minimum wage for a week and found that he couldn’t do it. In his official statement Strickland said “Thank God this was just a political stunt and I’m not really poor cause that would suck so hard.”

- And finally Sarah Palin launched her very own internet channel this week. This will allow Sarah’s followers and fans unfiltered access to all her thoughts and opinions on the big issues of the day. The cost for access to the new channel is $99.95 a year or $9.95 a month. When asked about the pricing plan a spokesperson for Palin said “Let’s be honest here, given her history I would go with the monthly plan if I were you.”

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*Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, they suspended him for a whole week. Whatever! I’m not letting that ruin a good Skip Bayless joke.

Thanks To You For Being The Lovable Sickos That You Are!!

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.  After this past Sunday’s IWS Radio Show, I was nearly feeling elated yesterday, but my hangover from Sunday’s debauchery was such, that I could not feel elated until today. But…

Now that I can feel again, I want to talk about the positive feelings of love, good-will, and support that are raining down upon my detoxified mind and body, and on behalf of the team here at IWS Radio, I want to give a virtual hug and say thanks to some people for making me smile during Sunday’s show.

Jayman and I had set-up Sunday’s show as a jab at Blog Talk Radio to see if they would accept our, “The Gentlemen’s Guide to Sucking and Fucking a Lady” title.  Well, unfortunately….they did, and the pressure was on for us to perform.

Now don’t get me wrong, Jayman and I during our private Thursday morning show prep call can be downright filthy man-sluts, but we like to entertain a modicum of decorum during our LIVE show on Sundays.  So…

We asked for surrogates to help us out and record their naughty bits for us for this past Sunday’s show, and lo and behold…

Many degenerate, lascivious, sex-crazed, foot-fetishing, yet well-meaning sociopaths quickly and amicably acquiesced to our call for assistance.

Chris performed a reading of a story that would have made the late Bob Guccione blush.  Triple Jaxxx not only hung out on the phone with us for awhile, recited her bathtub desires to us, but also sang, quite sexily I might add, about how she enjoys touching herself to the thoughts of Jay and myself.

Glass Half Full Gal verbally gyrated for over seven minutes about sex, which afforded me the time to not only take a leak, but to do a little something else while I was in the bathroom listening to her piece.

A former Bagwine, Ohio resident and current longtime Alabamian, Amy…chimed in with a nice bumper full of southern charm and sexy giggles. I think we need to change her name to Alabamy.  Anyhoo…

Lonnnnnng time friend to me and IWS Radio and even longer to the Jayman, Cracker, recorded a bumper for Paul Piatt’s spot so sexy, that he is still blushing and wondering what in the hell a Rusty Sandwich is.

And well that’s it…or is it?

IWSRADIO.COM

Ha…No post of people helping out Jay and I would be complete without the acknowledgement of one Miss Jamie Mapleleaf.  The lovely Jamie is without question our biggest fan…probably because it is colder in Canada longer than here in the states, and listening to us is more comfortable than going outside. Nonetheless…

Jamie has for a long time done a funny intro line about me every week, contributed and recorded countless bits for the show, and for whatever reason, she has to be the only person who has listened to all 290 shows that IWS Radio has broadcast.

I maybe shouldn’t say this, but Jamie said to me recently that being included as part of the IWS Radio Show was a gift to her.  Pffffffffffft, she has it ass backwards, her being a part of the show is a gift to Jay and I. Jamie is incredible, and that’s that.

I just did want to say, now that I have my wits about me, thank you all for participating in Sunday’s IWS show. Y’all were great and keep in mind…

You all are welcome to send stuff to us anytime.  Suggest show ideas.  Suggest guests.  Be a guest. Whatever!!

Keep the good stuff coming, but please…for the next couple of shows could your ideas and submissions be free of your sick and depraved lifestyles?  After a couple of weeks…feel free to let your freak flags rise again.

Cheers and Thanks All!!

Matt-Man

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Getting Down 'n Dirty on IWS

IWS got down and dirty this week! In response to BTR sudden lack of rules against dirty shows, Matt-Man and Jayman decided if you can’t beat them, join them. Well, for one week anyway. To keep pace with the new influx of smutty shows we got smutty too! REALLY smutty! There were discussions about all kinds of fun stuff …

Beer mine stories.

Difficulties of having sex with a hot Jewish girl.

Some sex advice from Sue Johanson for women who have boyfriends with HUGE penises.

How uncomfortable this subject matter is for Matt-Man and Jayman.

Erotic Reading by SkyDad!

Sexy food.

Erotic Poetry from Jaxxx and Paul Piatt.

Erotic Reading by GlassHalfFullGal.

Wet Dreams and Nocturnal Emissions.

Sex Ed in school vs cable TV access.

Jaxxx called in and got a little freaky with us talking about fetishes and the weirder side of sex.

How sex scenes in movies and on TV are so stupidly unrealistic

Guy Ahnurdyck is in a bit of trouble.

Bobby Kraft read “Fifty Shades of Jay”

And all kinds of other deeply disturbing and pretty damn hilarious stuff! Listen and then take a long hot shower!

                               

                                    New Comedy Podcasts with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

IWS Person of the Week...Legendary Lady Killers

Today on the IWS Radio Show which airs LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio, Jay and Matt and a cast of dozens will be discussing sex and what a man needs in order to satisfy the sexual needs of his lady. So...

So it seems more than appropriate, to today honor some guys who have pleased more than their share of the ladies over the years...Here are today's, IWS Persons of the Week...

Warren Beatty...Warren spent the majority of his life searching for the perfect woman to co-star with him in real life life as his wife...A few thousand casting calls later, he settled on banging Annette Bening for the remainder of his life story.

Wilt Chamberlain...No one took it harder to the hole than Wilt the Stilt, and his 31,419 points per game during his NBA career is surpassed only by the number of women he personally fouled over his lifetime.

Guy Ahnyurdyck...That's right!!  IWS Radio's very own international correspondent Guy Ahnyurdyck has had sex with women in all 24 time zones and 195 of the world's 196 nations.  He plans a fall vacation to South Sudan in order to nail down number 196.

Gene Simmons...The Tongue that Roars and front man for KISS is still alive and slamming women harder than his bass strings.  Any man who can bang that many chicks while wearing more make-up than the chicks he is banging is a badass.

Fidel Castro...We shit you not...By many biographical reports and research, as many as 30,000 lovely Latinas have at one time other, been sent to the Fidel Castro Re-Erection Camp.  Known for his staying power as a despot, this hombre has staying power in the bedroom as well. 

  

So hats off and pants off to these prolific purveyors of pleasure and our IWS Persons of the Week...long may their freak flags wave.

As for the aforementioned IWS Radio Show that is to take place LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET, Jay, Matt, the IWS Radio Players, and an outside team of never before heard pro-crass-inators will be chiming in with their thoughts about sexual pleasure, shoveling out the advice, as we take your calls at 661.244.9852.

So listen live and join the fun today from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio presents The Gentlemen's Guide to Sucking and Fucking a Lady on Blog Talk Radio.

To catch all of the IWS sexual hilarity, click right HERE.

MSJS: Too Hot to Handle

Matt gets freaky, Jay gets slutty, You get uncomfortable.

Matt: Glad you could make it!
Jay: I have two minutes to spare.
Matt: Spare where?
Jay: The clock said a minute 58 when I called.
Matt: Oh okay then.
Jay: OHHHHHHHHHHH
Matt: Uh-huh
Jay: It said an hour 58 LEFT. I was two minutes
Matt: Late
Jay: Late
Matt: Right
Jay: Well these things happen
Matt: You are so understanding
Jay: Makes like easier to handle
Matt: Right. I guess so.
Jay: I don’t let little things bother me
Matt: Especially when YOU were the one who was late
Jay: Exactly!
Matt: Exactly!
Jay: No reason to beat myself up over.
Matt: What’s done is done I guess
Jay: There you go! That’s the attitude to have!
Matt: What just happened here?
Jay: Are we show prepping or what?
Matt: Or what?

Jay: Hey the new trailer for “Fifty Shades of Grey” is out.
Matt: Ewwwww
Jay: I bet the movie is gonna be hot!
Matt: Are you going to watch it?
Jay: Nooooooooooooooooooo
Matt: But, there will be some hot scenes in it!
Jay: I’ll find them online if I want to see them.
Matt: That’s a good plan.
Jay: Did you read the book?
Matt: Ha!
Jay: Is that a “no?”
Matt: That’s a “no.”
Jay: The women sure do seem to love it though.
Matt: Yeah, women like that sex fantasy stuff.
Jay: Hmmmm
Matt: Hmmmm

Jay and Matt: SEX SHOW!
Jay: Well not a live sex show.
Matt: Yeah, show ABOUT sex!
Jay: Whew! Right
Matt: Yeah, that was awkward.
Jay: We’ll have to set aside our usual decorum.
Matt: It won’t be easy.
Jay: I think it’s time to let loose.
Matt: And get down and dirty!
Jay: We can get some people to read their favorite erotica!
Matt: Maybe tell a few naughty stories.
Jay: We could give sex and relationship advice too.
Matt: Who would be better at sex advice than us?
Jay: NOBODY!
Matt: Damn right!
Jay: You know? Sex is a pretty damn funny thing.
Matt: Oh hell yes it is. It’s hilarious.
Jay: If you do it the way we do.
Matt: Right. What?
Jay: We can talk about dirty movies
Matt: Dirty books
Jay: Dirty songs
Matt: Dirty people!
Jay: Fetishes
Matt: I guess
Jay: People have them!
Matt: True. No judging!
Jay: I guess
Matt: This is gonna be HAWT!
Jay: NASTY!
Matt: Weird as fuck!
Jay: I can’t wait!
Matt: Me either!!
Jay: I’ll bring the lube!
Matt: Oka … WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Jay: Sorry
Matt: See you Sunday
Jay: Right

Be sure to tune into “A Gentleman’s Guide to Fucking andSucking a Lady” at 12 Noon ET Sunday on IWS Radio! 

For Some Women, The Time For Good Sex Is Ticking Away

As Jayman and I are doing a show full of debauchery this coming Sunday, I thought I would get you all in the mood today with a bit of insect sex I experienced some years ago, but....I start out talking about those nasty ass "fish"...carp.

They wallow around in the shallows, the males trying to lure in a hot female with his crank bait, tossing out some cheesy line in carp-speak. It is a lovely ritual that hearkens in Spring. It also reminds me of something that happened to me many, many moons ago.

I guess I was about 17 years old and one late June afternoon my girlfriend at the time and I made our way to a secluded cove at the local State Park to fish. Well, actually… 

I was fishing and she sat on a blanket and read, but you get the picture. I was catching a few here and there and having a good time. I turned to Sherri at one point to show her a pretty good sized bass that I had caught and lo and behold there she sat.

She sat there staring at me, smiling. Her legs spread provocatively and her shirt unbuttoned revealing her lacy red bra and glistening cleavage. Boo Yah…

I could hear the wocka wocka guitar music from every low budget porn movie I had seen blaring in my head. I could feel a pup tent erecting itself in my shorts. I put down my rod, (no, not that one silly, my fishing rod) and lay down next to her.

My lips pressed against hers. My hands began caressing her perky nubile breasts. My tongue licking the salty sweat from her---Well you get the picture.

We were now entirely naked and going at it like two horny Proboscis Monkeys in a mangrove swamp. Our warm bodies rolling around on white sand and our secret protected by the seclusion and the dense canopy of the cove. 

It was glorious, and an example of young love at its most passionate. As we neared the state of climactic euphoria, we simultaneously moaned and screamed, for it was at that moment that we discovered that we were both covered in......ticks.

That’s right, blood sucking, disease laden ticks.

We were mortified to say the least. My anxious dork went from being a tribute to teenage virility to being a shrunken cowering nob of innocuousness.

We picked ticks from each others most intimate parts like baboons giving each other a rinse and set. It was as if we were both suffering from the humiliation only a nursing home resident can feel at the hands of a sadistic nurse…young passion gone terribly wrong.

For two weeks after the fiasco, we still felt ticks crawling on us although it was just our minds trying to process the events. I have recovered for the most part, but to this day, whenever someone mentions Lyme disease or spotted fever, I cross my legs and let out a little whimper. I tell you this now in order to prevent it from happening to you.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Celebrity Sex Tapes We Want To See

Holaaaaaaaaa all you celebrity loving perverts out there! One of the truly great things about modern American culture is celebrity sex tapes. Oh don’t sit there and act like you haven’t watch any of them cause you know you have. You watched Pam and Tommy Lee. You watched Paris Hilton and That Dude she did one with. You watched Kim Kardashian’s super boring sex tape too. You love celebrity sex tapes!

Since everyone loves them, I thought I would do a list of celebrity sex tapes we ALL want to see happen. Here are some sex tapes that would be HUGE and make a lot of money…

Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello: Sofia and Joe are the current “It Couple” and let’s face it, we’re all jealous of these two. I mean, being this hot and dating each other should be illegal. The sex tape would be must see though!

Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne: Their relationship didn’t last long because nothing this hot can burn forever. We can be pretty sure that it was intense, sexy and weird. There really isn’t any doubt there’s a sex tape of these two going at it somewhere. Just go ahead and release it ladies.

John McCain and Lindsay Graham: John and Lindsey are the hottest power couple in Washington. They can’t seem to keep their hands off each other! It’s really heartwarming the way they are always there to support and defend each other. That’s the way lovers should be!

The Victoria’s Secret Models: All of them. Naked. Having a big old supermodel orgy. Hey! Some of these for you … Some are for me.

Sarah Palin: All by herself making love to the only person on the face of the Earth she truly loves and cares about.

Abe Vigoda and Betty White: America’s grandpa and America’s sweetheart! This will be the longest sex tape ever because they fall asleep a few minutes in for a long nap then wake up, pee and then finish. It’s very touching.

Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Watson and Jayman: A world famous internet radio star and two of the biggest movie stars in the world in a hot, sexy three-way that obviously never happened and never will. But damn, what a blockbuster this would be, right? The media would never get enough of this one.

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Brotherly Love, Baby!!

Last night, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable…out of my realm…unsure…kinda like I was waiting for
something to happen.

Schmoop was at work; I had nothing meaningful to do, and well…the internet was void of anything exciting upon which to comment.

And then…

My brother Party Marty called (far right).

Marty didn’t have anything going on either…so we talked about crap we did when we were kids, and guess what?  We laughed, and laughed out loud.

And, we talked and laughed for about forty-five minutes.

Let me tell ya…

As far as people here in Bagwine, Ohio, there are but two people who I open up to and leave a conversation out of breath because I have been laughing too loud and for too long…and that is my BFF Schmoop, and my brother, Party Marty.

I am happy…er…happy to exponitiate (it’s a word now)…that I am grateful that I am blessed with at least two people in my hometown that I can not only talk to, but visit via e-mail, phone, or in person, and any time I want to, share a laugh…or a hundred.

Y’know…sometimes we’re not totally unhappy…sometimes we’re not altogether sad…but, when we need a pick-me up of sorts, because we’re bored…Ol’ Party Marty, lead singer of The Dreamboats and friend of the IWS Radio Show, is the man.

He is as hilariously crude in private, and yet, he is reputable and thoughtful in public.  I like that.

I’m not verbally cloistered like that by any means, but I enjoy a sense of  brotherly love and pre-emptive laughter when I hear Marty begin a comment with…

“Matt…Let me tell you what I said the other day…but don’t repeat it.”

Ha.  Schmoop is the same way.

I admit…I am out there on this website and our radio show, and want to make a name for myself and IWS Radio, but Marty and Schmoop?  They want to go through life calmly, nicely, yet anonymously.  (And in my brother’s case…successfully, that bastard)

But anyhoo…

I have to admit, that if I had neither Marty or Schmoop by my side, I would be selling used pencils and erasers at the Beer Mine…

Conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rd, but instead…

Even though they want to go through life anonymously, those two keep me laughin', keep me motivated, and keep me trying to make them laugh, and I know if I can make them laugh...I can make otherwise normal people laugh.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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News and Commentary with KleeShay Johnson

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Today we have a very special guest blogger. One of IWS Radio’s newest correspondents KleeShay Johnson is here to review some of the big stories happening right now in the world….

Well hey there folks, KleeShay Johnson here spoutin’ off for IWS Radio.

Well, it looks like the world has gone mad this week. Russian separatists have allegedly shot down a Malaysian Airlines 777 with 295 poor souls on board. This is just unacceptable. These separatist rebels have to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. They can’t hide behind a bunch of lies and excuses. We’re just not gonna put up it. The person who gave the order to launch the missiles will have to be brought to justice.

I think it’s time someone stood up this Putin fella. He’s been running around as if he’s above the law for too long now. Someone needs to take him down a notch or two. People like him who suffer from short man’s disease can’t be allowed to behave like this. His problem is nobody has ever told him “no.” Well, it’s high time he heard a few no’s from other world leaders. President Obama needs to rally the world to his side and isolate Russia and put Putin in his place. Putin will find the whole world against him and he’ll realize he has no allies left and will have to acquiesce to world demands. That’s how you bring Russia back into the world of nations and make them a good global citizen again. The world is watching Mr. President and you can’t afford mess this one up!

In other news Israel launched a full scale ground invasion of Gaza this week. I tell you what, if there was ever two countries that needed couples counselling, it’s those two. To be honest with you though, I doubt it would do much good. The world has tried to make those two get along for God knows how long and they just haven’t made any progress. It might be time to just wash our hands of the situation. Just announce a hands off policy towards these two a let the duke it out. A no holds barred rock ‘em sock ‘em fight to the death! Last country standing wins. And don’t forget to the victor goes the spoils. So, when Israel kicks Hamas’s ass, they’ll take ownership of the lease desirable, yet most fought over parcel of dirt and rocks in the world. Congrats!

You know you’re living in messed up times when a refugee crisis on the American border is the third biggest story of the week. Call me crazy, but I’m starting to get the impression that our government doesn’t have any answers for this crisis. Every day I read stories about those poor kids being bussed around to different cities looking for someone to show a little compassion and agree to take those poor kids in. It seems that Christian Charity is in short supply these days. You know, the real measure of any man and any country is how they treat the least among us. If that’s the case, then we just aren’t measuring up the standard that we have always set for ourselves. Come on America, you’re better than this.

Well, that’s all for me this week. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. For IWS Radio this has been KleeShay Johnson, Ta-Ta-For-Now.

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Guys We Fucked

Let me tell you boys and girls…Yesterday during the IWS Radio Show things got wild!!

First off, Jay and Matt berated Blog Talk Radio for currying favor toward hot chicks with potty mouths, and let me tell you…this will not stand.

Next week’s IWS Radio Show is going to be an explicit show about explicitness!!  So, strap yourself in or go home, be hernia free, or be a lesser person for not being able to meet the risk…and the challenge.

After nearly thirty minutes of berating BTR for not caring about men…men who pay good money to be “Premium” members, and ultimately proving our point that Blog Talk Radio only promotes shows hosted by women of loose values and questionable moral character…

Jay and Matt after being angered by these facts, settled down, and put on one helluva great radio show yesterday.

Sure, the two Cocks…Slyder and Drew couldn’t give a correct answer to save their lives…

Aunt Jax, while incredibly LATE to the party with her song (which was HOT) hung out with us and was awesome…

Bobby Kraft made fun of online quiz results, and our very own Matt-Man as well.  It was awesome!!

Jamie Mapleleaf was so God Damn Canadian while chiming in, that while even not listening, Bill Shatner cried.

Kip Kelly was on hand to announce his new game show, and really?

The show was all about fun as we asked each other trivia questions, however…

Enjoy this show now, because if you do not?  When next week’s show comes around, you will hopefully be offended to the point where you tell your friends and neighbors.

Here you go my friends and neighbors…If you missed us LIVE on Sunday, you can catch all of the IWS Radio hilarity, right here…

Greatest Game Show Hosts Ever IWS Persons of the Week

The IWS Person(s) of the Week are the greatest game show hosts of all time!

1. Chuck Barris: Host of The Gong Show and self-proclaimed CIA assassin!

2. Cat Deeley: Host of "So You Think You Can Dance" which is totally a game show, right?

3. Ken Ober: Host of "Remote Control" on MTV back in the day and all-around great dude.

4. Kari Wuhrer: Ken Ober's sidekick on "Remote Control" and Jayman's imaginary wife for almost a decade.

5. Alex Trebek: The host of Jeopardy! The longest serving host of any game show ever! Here his with the biggest winner in Jeopardy history and the man we all hope succeeds Alex when he retires, Ken Jennings.

Wow! That was exciting, huh? Well, not as exciting as "Online Quizzes Plus Trivia Fun and Games" on IWS Radio will be! Just tune in on Sunday at 12 Noon ET and join in on the fun!

Matt Said, Jay Said...I'll Take IWS Radio For 1,000 Alex

Matt:  Oh hell…Hiya Chuckles I am late to the party.
Jay:  I know…what’s up with that?

Matt:  Instead of taking a post-prep shower, I decided at the last minute to take a pre-prep shower.

Jay:  How was it?
Matt:  Warm, wet, and wonderful.
Jay:  Ummmmmm…Aight. Anyhoo…

Matt:  You mentioned that perhaps this week, we should do a quiz show.

Jay:  Yeah, it’ll be fun.  We can talk about all of those zany online quizzes we take.
Matt:  You mean like the one ones on buzzfeed and elsewhere that you suck me into taking?
Jay:  Exactly…They’re fun.
Matt:  They are like the recess we take after long hours of putting together an award winning radio show.
Jay:  True dat.

Matt:  We could talk about the results we got from the quizzes we have taken.
Jay:  Oh hell yeah, and we could talk about quiz shows and game shows.
Matt:  Who doesn’t like a good quiz show like…say…Jeopardy?
Jay:  Who are…Communists, Alex!!
Matt:  Damn right!!

Jay:  We could ask each other trivia questions.
Matt:  Hell yeah…A few legitimate historical, political, sports, and/or entertainment questions.
Jay:  And to keep the rollercoaster of hilarity rolling, some off the mainstream pop culture questions.
Matt:  I think we’re on to something.
Jay:  Are we?
Matt:  What?  We aren’t?

Jay:  Well hell yeah we are; I was merely practicing for the show by asking you a question.
Matt:  You are so fucking professional.
Jay:  I know, right?
Matt:  Practicing with a question again?
Jay:  No, that was merely a current societal response which means, “Yes, I know.”

Matt:  We could talk about game shows we’d like to see.
Jay:  We could have Bobby Kraft and Slyder Balzcock engage in a battle of wits.
Matt:  That would be entertainingly infantile.
Jay:  We could also do a real time quiz to see who is OUTRAGED that we haven’t been featured on BTR for weeks!!
Matt:  I know I am!!

Jay:  Man…This quiz shit is awesome and a mother lode of quality entertainment.

Matt:  We are going to score a daily double with this show.

Jay  Damn right…Oh hey!!
Matt:  What?

Jay:  One question we have to ask each other…
Matt:  What?
Jay:  Which famous radio personality do we think we each reflect?
Matt:  Nice…And, people could call in and say which IWS Radio personality that THEY most reflect?

Jay:  Pfffffffff…We’re fucking geniuses.
Matt:  We’re ready, and I still need to towel off.
Jay:  Please do so quickly, and ewwwwwww.
Matt:  Later.
Jay:  Byeeeeeeeee.

To join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team for their Online Quizzes Plus Trivia Fun and Games show from Noon-2 PM ET tomorrow on Blog Talk Radio, you click right HERE!!

Time to Start a Twitter War With a Celebrity

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You might remember that two days ago I did a post about people who might go a little overboard with this whole Favstarthing. Well, my good friend, the very lovely and talented Katy Anders said in comments that she would really like to get into a Twitter war and seems to think it would be a good thing for her. My reaction to this was “Hey! Thanks for the great idea!”

A Twitter war might be just the thing to snap me out of my early summer malaise that I’m not really in, but might fall into without something fun and interesting happening. The question is with whom should I get into this big Twitter war? It can’t be with Katy Anders cause she gave me the idea and she might use big hurtful words when she ruthlessly returns fire. It can’t be Matt-Man cause we’re creative partners in this IWS World Media Entertainment thing and that just wouldn’t work out well at all. Really, anyone who isn’t famous or a public figure wouldn’t be a good idea because a nobody fighting a nobody isn’t interesting.

Mick Huckabee, Salman Rushdie and Scott Raab are out because those wusses have already blocked me on Twitter.

So, I made a list of possible targets:

1. Joan Rivers: Joan is a very mean-spirited old hag and I doubt too many people would come to her defense. The worst thing about Joan is that she’s a huge hypocrite. She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. She says nothing and no one is off limits, which I agree with, but if you take a shot at her or tight-skinned double-digit IQ daughter she freaking loses it! So, she’s on top of the list of potential Twitter enemies.

2. Touré: My GAWD what a pretentious asshole this guy is. In addition to being a very intelligent guy who has done some deep thinking on big cultural and political issues he is a raging egomaniac with a superiority complex that would embarrass Donald Trump. Fuck this guy.

3. David Frum: What a worthless piece of human debris David Frum is. The only way he can get an erection is by watching videos of brown-skinned people being killed by bombs and missiles. Just having a quick back-and-forth with him would leave me feeling like I should take a Lysol shower. There’s also the problem that anyone who ever disagrees with him over any little thing is suddenly a Jew-hater.

4. Marc Maron: Okay, I like Marc’s WTF Podcast. Well, when he has good guests on at least. He’s a very good interviewer. I usually fast forward through his monologue cause I don’t give a crap what’s happening in his pathetic life. I also like his TV show cleverly titled “Maron” on IFC. But, Marc is VERY touchy and it doesn’t take much to drag him into a pissing match. Especially when someone points out that his show, Seinfeld and Louie are all pretty similar. He’s a very legit target.

5. Roland Martin: Idiot

6. Ezra (AKA: Ethra) Kline: I could just RT him and change his tweets to depict his lisp. That would be easy.

7. Dennis Miller: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8. Seth MacFarlane: What a schmuck!

9. Glenn Greenwald: America-hating scum!

10. Jason Whitlock: Maybe too easy, but another disingenuous prick.

11. Jay Mohr: Corporate whore and complete sellout who isn’t funny and his impressions are all old and stale.

12. ESPN’s Michelle Beadle: Sports Bimbo who might have great legs but is so full it with her fake feud with Erin Andrews. Plus she says she won’t root for the Jets anymore since Mike Vick is their QB now, but she’s showers Floyd Mayweather who has a loooooooong history of beating up women with praise. She might be too easy. (Actually, I’ve heard she’s VERY easy, ifyouknowwhatImean.)

13. Michael Ian Black: Another unfunny comedian who is totally full of himself. God I can’t fucking stand this fuck!

14. Jerry Seinfeld: He’s just not funny and honestly, it’s a little sad. Seeing him trying to do standup after all these years is like watching Michael Jordan playing for the Wiz … wait … he was never Michael Jordan level in the comedy world.  

15. Patton Oslwalt: Hmmmm … Okay, Patton is a pretty smart guy, but there’s a lot there to mock. He’s short. REALLY SHORT! He’s got a stupid haircut. He’s totally full of himself. He’s thin-skinned. He’s a hipster wannabe. Oh, this has potential!

There are others, but this is going to go down as my longest blog post ever. Anyway, when I pick a victim I’ll use the IWS Radio Twitter account cause this is all about publicity and really, I’m a nice guy who wouldn’t do stuff like this.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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A Mexican Immigrant Has Sent Me Upon a Trail of Tears

Cheers and a Happy Thursday to you all…well…to all of you, but uno.

“What, you ask?  Is Matt-Man feeling down on somebody?  That is so unlike him.”, you mutter.

Yes IWS Radio fans, readers, and listeners…

I am feeling a bit of anger and let down by a person who I thought to be a friend of mine, and to the IWS Radio Show and its vast and diverse worldwide audience as well.

For those of you who follow Jay, myself, and IWS Radio, you may recall a man by the name of Luis.  Or know him by the moniker The Ice Man.

Luis is a Mexican immigrant who last summer became a U.S. citizen, and who has for years and continues to this day, to deliver bags of ice to the Beer Mine…conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett in Bagwine, Ohio.

Anyway…Luis is…er, was…a friend of the show.

We have had Luis and his wife as well mind you, on the show a couple of times in order to celebrate his rough journey from the poverty of Mexico to his travels both physically and legally into becoming a U.S. citizen.

It was but a year or so ago when I posted a congratulatory message of …um…congratulations to him on becoming an official U.S. citizen on this very website.

Jay and I also simulcasted our appreciation of his efforts on the IWS Radio show when it all went down.

Luis was happy to be on the show…asked me every week during his drop off how the show was doing , and was rooting us on.

Yeah, we were all a big happy Mexican-Family back then when IWS Radio was but a cute little show, and then?  A year later, after the slow yet eventual Americanizing of Mr. Luis had clasped her eagle talons and amber waves of grain upon him…he evidently changed.

Monday, when he stopped by the Beer Mine to make his ice delivery, I told him that IWS Radio is now getting between 15-20,000 listens a week, and he responded in a tone that spoke of bewilderment…

“Why?”, and before I could respond he added…

“What the hell kind of people listen to you guys?”

I was in a word…hurt.

See?  Here we are…

Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio Nation standing behind the struggles and ultimate victory of Luis overcoming his treacherous desert journey, his trail of tears upon a hike amongst scorpions, thugs, and the Chupacabra, and at long last liberty achieving his goal of American Citizenship, and what do we get in return?

Nothing but a hot, Baja California-Sized dose of German schadenfreude from a Mexican who is now an American.  Un…fucking…believable!!

I am still happy that Luis has become an American, but what I am not happy about, is that he has become in one short year, typically American.

Americans root for the underdog and then when said up and comer gets a taste of success, Americans chew and claw at the success of the underdog like the aforementioned Chupacabra.

It breaks my heart Luis…It breaks my heart, but nonetheless…Make sure you bring our ice by 3 o’clock this coming Monday if you haven’t taken the day off, or called in sick like Americans tend to do on Mondays.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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You Can Manually Retweet Me Anytime Baby!

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! You know I love Twitter. I love it a lot more than Facebook. Okay, I love most things more than Facebook. Twitter is fun and entertaining and full of really hot chicks that are desperate to be internet famous in the form of Favstar favorites and retweets. Being really hot means they can post pics of themselves in bikinis or short shorts or showing some sexy cleavage and they’ll rack (see what I did there?) up the followers and guys will “favorite” their tweets in hopes of getting to have sex with them. Such teases!

This disturbs me so much that I can’t help but take part in it. Wait, that’s not true. My retweets are legit and my only motivation is friendship and possibly marriage. Never anything illicit or dirty! That’s not my style at all.

Like all social media sites, Twitter has its share of drama and battles. People get into tiffs over politics, sports, pop culture and all the usual stuff. The biggest battle raging on Twitter however is over retweets. There is a large and very vocal group of people who always have their panties in a wad over MANUAL retweets and they will always be angry about it.

What’s a “manual” retweet you ask? Well, if you are using a Twitter app like TweetDeck or whatever, when you hit the retweet button you are given the option of just retweeting the tweet or editing the tweet by adding something to it. Why does it upset so many people to be “manually” retweeted? Well, you see when some brilliant and hilarious Favstar person tweets a brilliant and hilarious tweet, if you “manually” retweet it, when one of YOUR followers who doesn’t happen to follow the brilliant and hilarious tweet “favorites” that tweet YOU …. *sniff, sniff* …. ALSO GET A STAR AND IT’S NOT FAIR BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT STAR!!!! THE ORIGINAL BRILLIANT AND HILARIOUS TWEETER IS THE ONLY ONE WHO DESERVES THE STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! YOU’RE STEALING STARS AND UNFAIRLY SHARING MY SPOTLIGHT!

I was rather rudely introduced to this scourge of manual retweets one day when I manually retweeted a pretty funny person’s tweet and added “LOL!” to it. The person immediately sent me a direct message telling me not to do that. I informed them that I will never, ever do anything to let them know I find them funny or give them any positive reinforcement again as long as I live. Okay, so maybe I was being a little dramatic, but the silliness of the whole thing just pissed me off.

Now, I will agree that hitting the “edit” button and retweeting without adding anything else in an attempt to appropriate someone else’s tweet (or stars) is a pretty crappy thing to do. Stealing tweets is a big problem and a really crappy thing to do. I agree that stealing tweets is a form of stealing someone’s intellectual property and don’t support that at all. There is also a HUGE problem with sites like Buzzfeed and Huffington Post taking screen grabs of people’s tweets and using them as content to drive traffic. That’s some bullshit right there. But for journalists who whine about people editing their tweets that link to a story they’ve done, as long as the link is still there and you can still get the traffic, don’t bitch about it.

Most people aren’t thinking about stars or Favstar trophies or any of those silly little things though. Most of them are on Twitter to crack a few jokes, mock famous people and politicians, enjoy big sporting events and stuff like that together. Most people aren’t narcissistic freaks desperate for attention and validation through meaningless stars and trophies from some website.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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