IWS Person of the Week: Santa Claus !!

Cheeeeeers…Happy Winter Solstice….and let’s get ready to get our Christmas Rumbllllllllllllle on!!

As it is Sunday once again and a mere four days prior to our world’s annual Christmas celebration, who is more qualified to personify and embody the holy, supernatural, and good-willed spirit of Christmas than this week’s IWS Person of the Week…

Santa Claus!!

Nobody, that’s who.

Santa Claus being the shape shifter that he is, has been around for years in one form or another and once in awhile people have spoken of him as a creepy figure.  It’s an outrage!!  We here at IWS Radio know that among the millions who have sat upon his lap, the lap-sitters are typically far creepier than our beloved Santa Claus…

Many people think of Santa Claus as nothing more than a jolly old gift giving soul who hasn’t a care in life, but his job is incredibly hard.  He alone has to determine for the entire world over the course of year, those who have been naughty and those who have been nice.  More often than not, that can be a very time consuming and difficult job, yet other times, not so much…

Even though there are billions of people in this world, somehow Santa takes the time to investigate each of us individually, and determine if we are worthy of him providing us with his own personal package…

Santa can work his magic like no other and instantly tell if you have been good or bad, and decide if you are worthy of a Christmas gift, or in the case Jay and Matt, an entire Santa sack full of Christmas gifts.  So…

Here’s to Santa Claus, our IWS Person of the Week.

And…For more great Christmas fun and frivolity, join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Staff as they present two hours of laugh filled, music filled, and just plain Christmastime good will LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

The entire IWS Radio staff will be on hand to get you in the mood for Christmas like no else, as they celebrate the commercialized solemnity of the birth of the Holy Baby Jeebus during the, We Got Your Bells Jingling Right Here Baby episode of the IWS Radio Show.

To listen LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET today click right HERE, and as always, call-us up and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas at 661.244.9852!!  

This Thanksgiving, Matt-Man Is Giving Til' It Hurts

With less than a week before America gluttonously celebrates Thanksgiving with food, wine, and Black
Friday shopping specials, I thought it would be nice to take time and reflect on the word Thanksgiving itself…Specifically, the last half of said word.

Giving.

While it is nice that at this time of year people trumpet with clarion call for what they are thankful, it would be nice to hear more from the trumpeting brass section of life about what people are doing in the matter of giving.

I being a humble man, hate to broadcast the many nice things I have done for others, but I feel perhaps it is time to exploit relate a couple of incidences of my generosity that I have shown recently in order to give people a push to do the same in their lives.

Recently, Jayman approached me and asked if we could not do a show this Sunday, November 23rd.  He said that he needed to spend quality time with his family in honor of Thanksgiving.  I said, “Of course, family comes first.”  However…

When Blog Talk Radio CEO Alan Levy was informed about us not doing this Sunday’s show, he with gnashing of the teeth and a less than competent posse of knife-wielding tech ninjas surrounding him said…

“You will surely do a show, or…you will surely die.”

Jayman along with a steel-spined and giving Matt-Man by his side, stood resolute…

Needless to say, we are still on Blog Talk Radio, but are not doing a show this Sunday.  And then?

The Beer Mine has a relatively new employee.  Beer Mine Beth has been with us for some seven months now and has kids…kids who desperately want, need, and hope to spend the blessed day of Thanksgiving with their mama, but…there was problem.

The Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rd. in Bagwine, OH.) is open on Thanksgiving and Beth typically works on Thursdays.  Yours truly could not bear to envision her precious little ones spending Thanksgiving Day wiping away the tears, longing to be held in a maternal grasp while foraging on cold Beefaroni, so…

I told Beer Mine Beth that I would work Thanksgiving Day for her.  Sure I know…I could be spending it at home with my family, but, well…my family understands that the Welcome Mat laid upon the stoop of my heart and good-nature is one that reads:  “Wipe your troubles from off your feet; and at my giving table, please have a seat.”

Sure, it’s a pretty large welcome mat that contains that message, but let me tell you…the front porch of my heart is big enough to display it.

And well…That’s what I am all about this Thanksgiving...giving.  In fact, while some folks call me Matt-Man, some call me Matt, and others even call me Matty.  For all of the giving that I have been giving this Thanksgiving, I want to be known as the Amattican Red Cross.

Please follow my Christ-Like example, and as always…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me
Friend Me on Facebook

You've Never Been Touched Until You've Been Groped By a Left-Handed Person

Cheeeeeers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

First of all, I want to thank those of you who listen to the IWS Radio Show on Sundays from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio or catch it later in the archives.  The last few shows have done really well and we appreciate your taking the time to listen.

Secondly, I’d like to talk about an affliction that curses some 11% percent of our nation’s population.  For those of us, such as yours truly who are cursed with it, it can be truly annoying.

This affliction makes life extremely more difficult…makes the simplest tasks unnerving…and is a condition that up until 30 years or so ago was so sinister, that Catholic nuns through tensile strength of a plastic ruler and the grace of God would try to beat it out of those who suffered from it.

I am of course, talking about the infirmity of being left-handed.

Tomorrow is World Lefthanders Day, and dammit, I want to raise awareness (whatever that means or does) about the trials and tribulations that we left-handed folks such as Demi Moore and myself face and have faced throughout life.

Remember the spiral notebooks we had to use in school back in the day?  The spiral is on the left God Damn side, and would cut an imprint like a bitch into a lefty’s arm during one 100 word or less 4th grade short story writing assignment.  Fuck Mrs. Parrish.  Bitch had it in for me from day one of 4th grade.

Did you have to endure the crying and humiliation of having a hard time learning to tie your shoes because your were a lefty being taught by a person from the right-handed world?  To this day, I remember bawling on the floor prior to Kindergarten starting because I couldn’t get the shoe tying thing RIGHT!!  Oh the Humanity!!

My late brother John?  He went to Catholic schools back in the 50’s and 60’s.  Catholics were still big into Latin back then, and a Latin derivative of sinister or evil, meant being left handed.

When the Sisters of Charity and Happiness saw that he wrote with is left hand, they beat the Hell out of it until his unholy hand was no longer able to pen the words of the Devil.

Ironically, as he then had to write with his right hand, his penmanship looked like claw marks and chicken scratches WRITTEN BY THE DEVIL!!

Why can’t we all just get along?  Can’t you right-handed people accept people like me and Lisa Kudrow for our left-handedness?

Why do there have to be impediments to our lifestyle and congenital disease that leave us sitting alone on the outside of a booth at a restaurant?

Anyhoo…Tomorrow August 13th…Find a left-handed person, go up to him or her and not only say, "I am with you", but give them a peck on the cheek as well, and…make sure to do so by approaching me…or him or her from the right so I …er him or her, can give you a big left-handed grope while you do so.

!!sreehC

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Twitter Me
Will You Be My Friend on Facebook 

Guys We Fucked

Let me tell you boys and girls…Yesterday during the IWS Radio Show things got wild!!

First off, Jay and Matt berated Blog Talk Radio for currying favor toward hot chicks with potty mouths, and let me tell you…this will not stand.

Next week’s IWS Radio Show is going to be an explicit show about explicitness!!  So, strap yourself in or go home, be hernia free, or be a lesser person for not being able to meet the risk…and the challenge.

After nearly thirty minutes of berating BTR for not caring about men…men who pay good money to be “Premium” members, and ultimately proving our point that Blog Talk Radio only promotes shows hosted by women of loose values and questionable moral character…

Jay and Matt after being angered by these facts, settled down, and put on one helluva great radio show yesterday.

Sure, the two Cocks…Slyder and Drew couldn’t give a correct answer to save their lives…

Aunt Jax, while incredibly LATE to the party with her song (which was HOT) hung out with us and was awesome…

Bobby Kraft made fun of online quiz results, and our very own Matt-Man as well.  It was awesome!!

Jamie Mapleleaf was so God Damn Canadian while chiming in, that while even not listening, Bill Shatner cried.

Kip Kelly was on hand to announce his new game show, and really?

The show was all about fun as we asked each other trivia questions, however…

Enjoy this show now, because if you do not?  When next week’s show comes around, you will hopefully be offended to the point where you tell your friends and neighbors.

Here you go my friends and neighbors…If you missed us LIVE on Sunday, you can catch all of the IWS Radio hilarity, right here…

IWS Radio IS Ready for Primetime!!

Happy Friday, Second Day of Kwanzaa, and National Fruitcake Day to one and all, and I hope that
everyone reading this, had a wonderful time celebrating the birth of the Holy Baby Jeebus this week.

I know I did.  I spent Christmas Eve at my brother Marty’s house and my son was actually there, and he had a present for ME.  It’s true!!

It was a Christmas miracle, and really?

The entire evening there was quite fun, because unlike many families, me and my brothers and sisters, get along pretty well.  But you know what I told my son Ryno Christmas Eve because I found it to be somewhat disturbing?

When I am with my brothers, even at six feet tall, I am the shortest Mahoney man in the room.  Hey, I know I was the baby of the family, but Mom and Dad, could you have spared an inch or two for me?

Wait…That didn't sound right, did it? Oh well, and anyhoo…

I, and certainly Jayman as well, hope that all of you gorgeous miscreants had a delightful Christmas.

Religious affiliation (or not) and/or whatever type of observances that you may or may not have had aside, Christmas is a great touchstone and catalyst for having fun with friends, family, and the ones whom you love.

Unless of course you send a very dear friend a picture of hot dog to their Facebook page as a token of Christmas joy and they end up deleting your wiener.  That right there is just plain, hurtful bullshit, but I digress, but I may discuss this issue further this Sunday on the IWS Radio Show, which by the way…

Is going PRIMETIME!!

Dat’s right Bitches!!  IWS Radio is going to be airing LIVE THIS SUNDAY from 8-10 PM ET, and probably will have that same time slot for at least 10-12 weeks.

Y’see?  The President and CEO of Blog Talk Radio Alan Levy approached Jay and I about going to a primetime slot because in his words…

“Primetime in the winter on BTR really slows down.  It has no pizzazz.  We need you guys….We need the IWS Radio team…We need you guys to be the straw that stirs the BTR primetime drink.”

So…I begged Drive-By Mikey to allow me to work the Beer Mine seven days a week, so that I would be sober at 8 PM ET on Sundays in order to do the show and help Alan Levy out.

Mikey put up a struggle, but he acquiesced and said to me…

“As much as I enjoy working Sundays, if you do an 8 PM show on a day that you are off, you won’t be able to dial in to the switchboard let alone talk coherently on the air.  Don’t get all gushy and thank me, but Sundays are all yours from now on Matt-Man.”

And there you have it.

So…Join us LIVE this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET as we go primetime and look back on 2013 and look ahead to 2014 during the IWS Radio 2014: Bigger and Stoopider show.

Me, Jay, Guy Ahnyurdyck, Rev. Moneymaker, Drew Peacock, Dana, Malcolm Eckstein, and a host of others will be on hand to celebrate the New Year and Kwanzaa!!

To join us LIVE this Sunday, you can click HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said 10 6 2013

Matt speaks…Jay kinda just sits back and let’s his premium self glow and flow.  You say, “What the Fuck?”

Cheeeeeers Bitches and welcome to an atypical version of Matt Said, Jay Said.

Typically on Saturdays, you revel in reading the transcript of Jayman and I prepping our upcoming show with the finest of finely tuned wits, however…

This Saturday is different, and do you know why?

Well let me tell you.

This Sunday’s IWS Radio Show, cleverly titled Oktoberfest 2013, has been made a staff pick by the dedicated, overworked, and evidently, very smart and comically inclined staff at Blog Talk Radio.

I know, I know…That may not be a big deal to you guys, but to Jay and I? We are all smiles because we are saying to ourselves and each other…

“Big Dick’s donation of $399.00 to allow us to go Premium on BTR has finally paid off.”

In fact, when Jayman and I found out that we are a BTR Staff Pick, we took our clothes off, oiled up, and reenacted the volleyball scene from Top Gun with each other via Skype.  We were naked, laughing, and all the while yelling, “We’re stoked!!”

That is something that I’ll never forget. One never forgets milestones…nor the sight of an oily Jayman holding a volleyball in one hand, a margarita in the other, while wearing nothing but a Viking helmet.

It’s HOT!!

And so is the Staff Pick.  In fact, here is the very moving e-mail we received from them on Friday…

Hi IWS Radio,
Congratulations!  Your show has been selected to appear in the Staff Picks section of BlogTalkRadio's homepage starting on Monday, October 7 at 12 AM EST for the next 24 hours.  Look out for it then, and don't forget to let your audience know that your show was featured on BlogTalkRadio.

Jayman and I are kinda excited.  We spend a lot of time on the website and radio show so this is kinda nice, because trust me, it’s nice to get thrown a bone once in awhile for one’s efforts.

And that is coming from ME!!  The Matt-Man… A man completely devoid of ego or self-interest.

Anyhoo…We hope you join us this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET for our Oktoberfest 2013 celebration on IWS Radio on Blog Talk Radio.

It’s going to be a HUGE party with the likes of Paul Piatt, Guy Ahnyurdyck, and our resident German chef, Franz Bitter.

Bobby Kraft and Kirk Douglas will be there as well, annnnnnnd.....

We will have a report from our fave Canadian, “Made in Canada” Jamie as she breaks down Oktoberfest in Canada.

Perhaps we’ll call the German Embassy and a few members of Congress to get a shutdown update, and of course, we’ll be taking your calls at 661.244.9852.

We’ll be talking German Bier, German Babes, and little known German facts as well.  Sunday is going to be Deutschland Uber Alles on IWS Radio.

Please join us and help us to not let down the BTR staff for making us one of their picks of the week.

To join the fun on Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET you can click HERE!!

Prosit!!

Our Anniversary is Coming Up and Gifts are Encouraged!!

Cheers, and how is everyone today? Well I hope, and anyhoo…

Y’know folks?

This past Sunday on the IWS Radio Show which featured bad poetry and Mexican-Americans who get turned on by chicks who can sound like a man, Jayman and I put on one helluva two hour internet radio show.

Some of the hilarity and professional type radio brilliance came from Jayman and I; however, much of it came from our hardworking IWS Radio team.

People such as…

Bobby Kraft…Guy Ahnyurdyck…Dixie Ozark…Slyder Balzcock…Kirk Douglas…Paul Piatt, and of course, the man with no first name…Rev. Moneymaker.

But of course, what made the show a success were the guests in the chat room, and the caller-inners.

People such as…

The Lady Killer, Jesse Ferg…The Bryon with a Y lovin’, Nurse Sherri…Our newest American Luis, and his hilarious wife Michelle…A fun-loving, non-gay man from Northern California, one Brown Beasely…and of course…

That North of the Border Hot Mess of Disorder, the uber-lovely Canadian, Jamie…who was listening from her bed, and as far as Jay and I could tell and/or imagined, she was naked while doing so.

Yeah that’s great and all that Matt-Man, but what is your point?

My point is…

While I enjoy doing the show every Sunday with Jayman, yesterday I had FUN doing the show because we had great callers, great chat room guests, and THAT, is a recipe for fun, and I am sure that Jayman feels the same way.

Jayman and I can do a show and banter quasi-wittingly amongst ourselves for 120 minutes, but it is always more fun when people chime in.

You see?  If people don’t chime in during our show, it poses the age-old question.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does it make a noise?  Likewise…

If Jay and I do a radio show, and nobody joins in, was the only noise created, that of our own voices?  Yes!! And really?  Who wants that?

Nobody.  Not even Tiffany Dupont nor a falling tree in a forest that makes no sound…or something, but anyhoo…

So folks, at long last, here is my point.

This Sunday, August 25th from Noon-2 PM ET on IWS Radio, Jayman and I will be celebrating the end of our third season on Blog Talk Radio, and we’d like your help.

We want you to help us fill the chat room.  We want anyone and everyone to call-in; we’d like you to record and send to us your words of encouragement or disdain, and we want to have one helluva send off to season number three of IWS Radio.

Help a couple of bruthas out, as we celebrate season three and look forward to season four, but…

Just don’t sound like Schmoop when doing so, because as she said to me early Sunday morning…

“Oh Dear God!!  There’s Going to be a Season Four!!?”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page