Holaaaaaaa Bitches! Well we’re back full force here at the old IWS Radio website and I can feel the tension in the crowd. George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin and will be convicted and sent to jail. Everything is waiting for me to tell you WHY George Zimmerman is guilty. Well, I don’t know why. I just, I don’t know, had to go with either “Guilty” or “Innocent” and finally flipped a coin and it came up guilty. Which he is, you know. The Coin Gods said so.
Of course I haven’t watched a single minute of the trial, but I don’t have to. I know all the facts I need to know and can’t be bothered by silly things like the law, jury instructions, admissible evidence, witness testimony and all that boring shit. I flipped the coin and it came up heads for “Guilty” so that’s that.
Oh I would have watched the trial but dammit, I’m just not the legal experts you guys all are. I think the fact that you guys on Facebook and Twitter tend to disagree over legal definitions is probably further proof that you’re experts and really know your shit. Well, either that or you made up your minds long before the trial started and are only using the evidence presented to confirm your beliefs or be OUTRAGED at the lie the “other side” is telling in court. God forbid any of you people ever allow your beliefs to be challenged and consider the possibility that you’re wrong about something.
Anyhoodle, sometime over the next few days George Zimmerman will be convicted, acquitted or there will be a hung jury. Then there will be the required fake outrage, bullshit claims that people “read on the internet” and then we’ll all move on to the next big thing and forget all about George and the dead 17 year old kid “whatshisname.”
Which reminds me … The funny thing about that whole “sanctity of life’ crowd is that they always seem to be on the side of the killer. Well, unless the killer is a woman having an abortion, then they get serious about saving that fetus because “all life is precious.” Unless two years after the kid is born and it’s accidentally killed by someone who was playing with an unsecured gun in the house. Then, the “sanctity of life” crowd who believes that “all life is precious” won’t be anywhere to be found. But, I digress.
I tell you one thing though, I sure as hell wouldn’t want my fate to be in the hands of an all-woman jury like old George’s is. Holy Hell! There’s no way THAT would end well. All the prosecution would have to do is read off a bunch of my old blog posts or some of the Babes of the Week from here and I would be toast.
Besides, I don’t do that well with women. Oh sure, at first things seem to go okay but after a bit I eventually say something that makes them sit and think and next thing you know, they don’t want to be alone with me. So weird.
You know what would be worst? An all-white woman jury! Oh God! Those angry Elisabeth Hasselbeck types would convict me on the basis of my hot Asian babes posts alone. Fucking racists!
Uhhh … what was I talking about? Oh yeah, George Zimmerman is guilty according to the Coin Gods. The jury? *shrugs shoulders* who knows or cares? Their verdict probably won’t matter to all the experts out there on Social Media anyway.
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