Kate Middleton Is Giving Birth and/or Something

Jay, Matt-Man, IWS Radio aficionados…

Guy Ahnyurdyck here, fresh out of the Hell Hole that is a Dutch prison, filing this report LIVE from outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London where within minutes, and/or hours, and/or days…

One Kate Middleton, aka the wife of Prince William, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, aka Kate Mountbatten-Windsor, et cetera, et cetera, will pop out a regal looking son and/or daughter fit for a King…and/or Queen…and/or Defender of the Faith…and/or Lord over the Dominion and Commonwealth…et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(Ed. Note:  Could we keep it simple and/or American, Guy?  This isn't the BBC and/or the CBC…Pretend that you are talking to the audience of Sky TV and/or FOX News.)

The lovely and nubile Duchess of Cambridge is past her due date of July 13th, but many in the know, are speculating that Kate’s prince and/or princess will soon be sliding down her tortured, yet regal uterine walls, and drop him and/or precious self  into the open arms of a private Doctor practicing and living well in a country of socialized medicine.

Following the royal and cute extraction of said heir, the baby will be slapped upon the bodkins by the very hand of a God’s centuries old divinity in the kingdom business.

Secretly…

Many are hoping that once the baby opens his and/or her eyes, his/or her initial vision will be that of the angelic faces of Kate and Prince William, and not that of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles…For that might scare said infant into returning to the womb.

An incident like that, would not only threaten the life of the child, but forever damage a fine piece of Euro-Trash royalty and her maternal goods.  Europe, and the U.K specifically, have already suffered enough through the recent and unexpected death of Amy Winehouse…

Do we really need to re-visit, re-live, and sadly bathe ourselves ‘neath that waterfall of Euro-Tears again?

Guy says, No!!

Not only has the question of sex been raised about the soon to be child, and whether the child is really Prince Harry’s but there are questions as to what his and/or her name may be.

Many folks put their money on traditional names such as Anne, Diana, or Mary if the child be a girl.  If it is to be a male, excited Brits and Anglophiles have suggested, Edward, George, and/or Margaret Thatcher.

As one whose nose is always in the news always and frequently in the telling and tantalizing parts of a Belgian psychic and/or lady of the night named Stella Artois, I would ask her a couple of questions.

If it is foreseen that this child be she a girl, is to be but a Princess, I would name her Buttercup.  If the stars foretold her to one day be a Queen, I would name her Latifah.

If the royal heir turns out to be a boy, but only a Prince, I would of course name him, Fielder, but if the stars determined that in the future he would be King, I would name said heir…

Sized.

Because seriously, who doesn’t like anything that is King Sized?  His favorability ratings would go through the roof!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
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