Showing posts with label 4th of July. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 4th of July. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Happy 4th of July From IWS Radio

Cheers and a Happy Independence Day Eve to you all.

In March of 1775, the colony of Virginia debated whether or not they should create their own militia. Instead of meeting under the heavy heraldic hand of Lieutenant-General Lord Dunmore at the capitol in Williamsburg, the Second Convention of Virginian delegates met at St. John’s Church in Richmond….

The Voice of the Revolution

Richmond’s streets were cold and bare
But signs of Spring were in the air.

Like Christians from the Catacombs
Patriots stole past Tory homes.

To St. John’s Church in stealth they came
Risking death and a traitor’s name.

Once safe inside they paused to pray
That freedom’s torch would light their way.

The roll was called, the minutes read
Approved and entered as were said.

Each cautious vote was meekly cast
When Patrick Henry stood at last.

Then like a monk before his God
His voice in measured cadence trod.

The oak floor shook beneath his rage
The Bible trembled page by page.

He crossed his wrists, despair implied
“Our chains are forged”, he harshly cried.

He spoke of liberty and death
And murmurs rose with every breath.

Then undismayed by thoughts of fear
The Yankee crowd began to cheer.

The shouts burst forth like tamarind
And Henry’s words were on the wind…

In Williamsburg, where all was still
Lord Dunmore felt a sudden chill.

He shuddered as he stirred the fire,
And saw a raging fun’ral pyre.

A musket shot, a distant bell,
And muffled hoof beats broke the spell.

Reluctantly, he grabbed his sword,
And took his pistol from the board.

Sadly, he knew, but could not say,
That England’s fate was sealed that day.

© 1981 JJM

Here’s to the author Jack Mahoney, and here’s to Jay and Matt who will be taking a few days off as we celebrate the 238th birthday of America.

Have a great 4th of July weekend, and we’ll see you back here Tuesday.

IWS Radio 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

IWS Person of the Week...America's Founding Men and Women

We are mere days away from America's 238th Birthday, so let's kick off the week long build up by honoring some of the main players who helped give birth to THE United States of America by naming them out IWS Persons of the Week...

How can we not lead off our list by beginning with "The First American", Ben Franklin.  Ben knew it all, invented it all, and as far as the ladies go, he loved em' all...


Patrick Henry was a fiery orator famous for his "Give me liberty or give me death" line.  In spite of Matt-Man regretting his marriage while spending his honeymoon in Williamsburg, Va. at the Patrick Henry Inn, we include Patrick Henry because he was America's first badass...


John Adams was a co-writer of the Declaration of Independence and our second President, but he is more famous for being our first openly gay President.  In spite of his gayness and his wife Abigail being a lesbian, they managed to produce several children...


Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him.  Say hello to a man who was, Vice-President, Secretary of State, AND President...Thomas "Booty Call" Jefferson.  He opposed slavery yet owned many of them so in order to reconcile his person conundrum, he would frequently have sex with them...


Lastly...A nation can't be a nation without a flag to represent her nation-ness.  And for that reason we honor Betsy Ross who after an exhaustive sewing session, rested 'neath the timeless American banner she had created...

IWSRADIO.COM
Here's to all of the founders of this great nation, long may ye wave.

And kids...IWS Radio is kicking off America's birthday party LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET TODAY on Blog Talk Radio. So join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players as they celebrate America.

You can catch all of the Independence Day and Brit Bashing hilarity by clicking right HERE.


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Cut the Crap...It's Time To Celebrate America!!

So, today begins a IWS celebration of our nation’s 238th year of independence.

As he was Ben Franklin’s press secretary, I tried to get Larry King to sit down with me for an eyewitness account of what went down during our nation’s birth.

Unfortunately, Larry King was tied up announcing his retirement from CNN...yet again, which he had done years ago..

Anyhoo, the Fourth of July is fast approaching…

A time to celebrate our country’s origins through backyard barbeques, illegal fireworks, and pissing in one’s own backyard while the burgers cook.

It’s a time for drinking too much beer, and getting a domestic violence assault charge leveled against you as a result of the wife not buying enough Johnsonville Brats.

It is also a time when normally motionless mannequins everywhere, shudder at the thought that they may be used in the latest fireworks safety video.

I do, so love America!!

I spent my day at work yesterday, thinking about something…The Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams (John, not Maud) were the main writers.

Jefferson did the draft. Penis envy laden Adams whined about being one-upped, and Franklin offered revisions while in a drunken, but brilliant stupor.

TJ originally had written that Americans should have, “Life, Liberty, and Property.”

Ben Franklin suggested the famous, “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

That suggestion was accepted after Jefferson initially shot down Franklin’s original idea of having the document read:

“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of air baths, rum, and drunken, buxom wenches between dusk and dawn.”

Ben rocked.

Another little known fact is that while Patrick Henry was not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, the stern, fire and brimstone orator and patriot, had offered up an alternative declaration to King George III.

It read as follows…

“Yo, G-Man, sally forth, and go fuck thyself, you wig wearin‘ bitch. You‘re no King. You‘re a Princess, you girly man, you.”

Sadly, it wasn’t adopted by the Second Continental Congress…Pussies.

Funny thing about Patrick Henry. His quote, “Give me liberty or give me death.” has been edited over the years.

His actual quote was, “Give me liberty, or give me death…and veal. Yeah, give me veal too. It’s so tender.”

Patrick Henry could help topple governments AND appreciate a fine meal. So American!!

It’s all about our independence, baby!!  And….USA advancing in the World Cup of Soccer, is the dessert of putting Piers Morgan and his self-aggrandizing brethren in their place.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

@mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Historical Tweets from Great Americans

Hola and Happy 4th of July America and everyone who loves America! On this greatest of American holidays, I have put together a list of some of the greatest tweets from some of America’s greatest (and not-so-greatest) political leaders.

@JohnHancock: Just wanted to make sure @KG3 can read THAT!

@PaulRivere: Oh it’s on bitches!

@PaulRivere: Side Note: Ran into Samuel Prescott outside of some chick’s house around 1 am.
Awkwaaaaaaaaaard.

@ArnoldBenedict: Psst … @JohnAndre .. DM me dude.

@G-Wash: Just shucked some Cornwallis. Hey-OOOO!

@DJ-T-Jeffy-Jeff: I’m a father again! Shasquina had her baby today!

@T-Edison: Let there be light! #godcomplex

@DredScott: Tough loss at the SCOTUS today. Bastards will probably kill the VRA next.

@BenFranklin: Ooooooo … I love that tingly feeling.

@OldHickory: Dear South Caronlina: Bring. It. On.  

@USGrant: Beer Thirty Bitches! (recurring tweet)

@SecStateSeward: Whew! What a day! Stick a knife in me, I’m done.  (9 pm on April 14, 1865)

@BullMooseTeddy: Heard that had to butter Big Boy Taft up to get him out the tub. #LOL #TubbyTaft

@DrPrezWilson: Mmmmrph .. Urrrr … buhhhhhh *drools*

@GenJohnPershing: AEF = After England Failed … LOL

@SilentCal: Hello 

*four years later* @SilentCal: Goodbye

@FDR: Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

@GenD-Mac: *Best Ahnold voice* I’ll be back! 


@HSTruman: Yo @D-Mac *best @RealDonaldTrump voice* You’re Fired!

@JFK: I need this trip to Dallas like I need a hole in my head.

@TrickyDicky: This tweet is not intended to be an alibi. (Late night on June 17, 1982)

@JC_Smiles: Feeling a bit of a malaise setting in tonight. I like that word “malaise.”

@DutchReagan: There you go again!

@SlickWillie: What a mess!! But it feels so good.

@Shrub: STRATEGERY BITCHES!

@Barry_O: I’m watching yooooooooo!

As you can see, Twitter has been a great tool for Presidents and other historical figures over the years.



Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Lafayette, We Are Here; So Let's Cook-Out!!

Bon Matin, Accueil, and Hello!!

I am the official French griller and cooker-outer for IWS Radio, Char'coal Bri'quet here for IWS Radio on this very fine, pre-Independence Day Eve..

Allow my Gallic self to tell you in your own boorish language…

My rocks are hot, and I can’t wait to flame up an American Independence Day soiree for you.  Viva la Lafayette; here’s to the defeat of Cornwallis at Yorktown, and the smiting of his culinary penchant for gruel and haggis!!

Which on its face, was very troubling in itself, but even more so, because of instead of serving red wine with swine innards, Cornwallis served mead.

Sérieusement?  Oui, and Sérieusement…Oh, the gaucheness of it all!!  Anyhoo…

Let me, or should I say, “allow” me to say, while you enjoy your, “chien chaud” upon the grill, do it in such a way that the processed skin and fillers of said, “chien chaud” crisp up, and maximize their potential artificial juices.

I know that you Americans love your Hot Dogs, but in order to be kind to dogs, be they hot or any other breed, allow them to be all that they can be.

The hot dogs that you are so fond of will live for minutes beyond their shelf life, and you will enjoy a nice crisp bite, while at the same time, savor their genetically-altered juices.

Place them so that they may receive the maximum grill marks.  Allow them to cook perching perpendicular upon either the Y or X-Axis of the grill!!  Do this not, and you will rue the day that you ate a limp hot dog with no cool burn marks worthy of Avignon!!

As for the Dachau-Like, hand-beaten, Nazi-Jack Booted, kicked in the ass, lump of meat that you call hamburgers?

Fry em’!!  Fry them hard, fast and nasty.  It is cow meat, a stupid animal that just sits there, grazes, and says to itself…

“I better eat some more hay, so I will become a better burger.”

Who the Hell does that!?  Cows…American Cows, that’s who…er…Cows…any cow…American, or otherwise.  Hell, they don’t know their fate growing up…They’re stupid, and well, they’re cows, so that explains it, but as a Frenchman, I have to say…

Even though the hamburger (uuch) is round, it stills needs to be cooked perpendicularly.  If not?  The grill marks will be straight, and the burger will look like…well…

A round piece of meat with straight lines upon it.

And you know what?  When I think of that, I can only think of the way my great-grandfather described the look on Mussolini’s face when he was hung in 1943.

Saint Enfant Jésus, and Oy Vay!!

Anyway…Keep your grill hot and haute, and always, sprinkle it with oil…This is your Number One Summertime French Guy saying…

Bon Voyage and Happy Grill'age!!

Char'coal Bri'quet

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Friday, June 28, 2013

Matt Said, Jay Said...1776

Matt-Man town cries…Jayman pamphleteers…You, toss Orange Pekoe into Boston Harbor.

Jay:  Hello Schmoop; it’s Jay.
Schmoop:  Hello Jay…Here’s Matt.
Matt: Hi Jayman, how is your evening?
Jay:  Not bad and yours?
Matt:  Pretty Good.

Jay:  I was thinking about this Sunday’s show.
Matt:  And?
Jay:  We should do an American History Show since the 4th of July is fast upon us.
Matt:  That’s a great idea.

Jay:  I thought so.
Matt:  We could talk about our fave founding fathers, least fave Presidents, and fave Commanders-in-Chief.

Jay:  Damn right.  Bobby Kraft could talk about famous battlefields like Pea Ridge.
Matt:  Buddy Acapella could sing our National Anthem.
Jay:  I could talk about many historical things because I’ve been known to turn a bitch.
Matt:  That’s hot.
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  We could also update today’s news.
Jay:  Damn right.  Slyder could give an update on the tragically funny news about Aaron Hernandez.
Matt:  Poor dude.  Had it all, but blew it like a bad tire.
Jay:  Maybe Paul Piatt?  Is he patriotic?
Matt:  More than you think!!

Jay:  Hmmmmmmm…
Matt:  Lot of cookouts coming up this week, maybe Kirk Douglas could give us a weather report.
Jay:  If he’s still alive, he will.

Matt:  Man, our Drunk on History show is going to be great!!
Jay:  I know right!?

Matt:  Hey!?
Jay:  What?
Matt:  Something weird just happened.
Jay:  What’s that?

Matt:  We actually discussed what we are going to do on Sunday’s show.
Jay:  Holy Independence; we actually did!!

Matt:  After nearly three years on the air, are we growing up and becoming mature?
Jay:  Oh Hell No.
Matt:  Why do you say that?
Jay:  Because after nearly 237 years, Congress hasn’t grown up.
Matt and Jay:  Heyyyyyyy-ooooooooo.

Matt:  Annnnnnd Jayman, Angie will be on to discuss the SCOTUS DOMA ruling and Prop 8!!
Jay:  That’s HOT.

Matt: This is going to be a jam packed show.
Jay:  Damn right and I hope people call-in at 661.244.9852
Matt:  Exactly, and listen to us by clicking HERE

Jay:  See you on the radio this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET.
Matt:  And unto you, I say the same….

To catch Jay and Matt LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET you can click HERE.