Liver and Onions...How To Cook Them Well

Hi...Matt-Man here to tell you all how to make the most delicious dinner in the world...

And what you ask, does that consist of?

LIVER!!

Yep...there are a lot of you liver haters out there, and well, I say to myself...

You hate the government; you hate Donald Sterling; you hate yourself for not hating things in this world that you should, so...

YOU HATE LIVER!!

Actually...Liver is pretty damn tasty if you make it right.

First of all...Get some beef liver or better yet, veal liver, and soak it in milk overnight...

Next...Fry up some onion and mushrooms...

And then...

Let er' rip by throwing the organ meat of the sacred cow into a searing hot pan with the 'shrooms and onions...Make it scream for redemption from the Gandhi family...

Bake or deep fry some onion rings, and when it's all over?  It looks like this...

I'm not feelin' the love, because as I know most of you "normal" people do not like liver, however...I do, and there are a handful of us liver lover out there, so don't judge.

And to you liver lovers out there, I ask...I have more than enough for two, so c'mon...stop on by, and sample my liver.  You'll be glad that you did.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com

@mattman_iws

My Facebook Page

Mr. Sandman Is A Spiteful Agent Provacateur

Cheers and a Happy one full week of Lent has passed us by already, to ya.

For those who follow the IWS Radio website and radio show, you are aware that for Lent this year, I have given up the eating of bread and pasta.

44 Days…No bread…No pasta.

Yesterday marked the end of week one of doing such.  The first couple of days were easy. I was excited to be exerting some rarely used self-discipline, and it was a fresh change in my eating habits.

During the days, I have up to this point, been in full control of my willpower with little discomfort, however…

The last couple of nights have seen my slumbers come alive with things over which my willpower has no control…

Bread-Related Dreams, and let me tell you; they’re neither helpful nor pretty.

For instance…

I had a dream that I am walking down a dirty, urban alley in God knows what city, and I am approached by a nefarious looking man wearing a trench coat, and he says to me…

“Hey…My name is Reuben, and I having something you want, something you need.”  To which I respond…

“Really?  What is that?”  And then…

He flashes open his trench coat, and on one side dangle slices of corned beef, Swiss cheese, and dressing, and on the other side, sauerkraut, corned beef and dark rye bread.  Bastard.

And then another dream follows.  I am sitting in a nightclub by myself and to the mic walks IWS Radio’s very own up and coming comic, Phil Diller.  The spotlight hits him; he goes into his routine and the following transpires…

Phil:  Knock Knock
Me:  Who’s there?
Phil:  Mac
Me:  Mac who?
Phil:  Mac Aroni.  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Phil:  Hey Matt-Man?  What do you get when you put a likeable apparition into a toaster?
Me:  I have no idea.
Phil:  Casper the Friendly Toast!!  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Oh…Dear…God…

Oh the dreams don’t die there folks…There’s more.

I was stripped naked and tied to a hemlock tree by Sarah Palin while her daughter threw Cheddar Bay Biscuits at me.  I kid you not!!

I dreamed I was riding through way ancient downtown Rome in a foot powered Paleolithic car driven by a caveman named Frederico Flinstonia, and all four tires were made of pizza.  It’s true!!

But?

I think the most disturbing bread-related dream I have had, occurred early Wednesday morning as I was beginning to awake.

I was on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. There was no mechanical failure. There was no hijacking.  There was no terrorism.  We made it to our destination safely and without incident.

As we exited the plane, all but I, were thrilled to disembark and enjoy the stay on the vacation spot that all but me had had longed to visit. That destination, of which I speak?

The Sandwich Islands.

Mr. Sandman is indeed a cruel and unrelenting bastard, because even if I am in paradise...even Hawaii, but without bread?  Hawaii can suck it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
My Facebook Page 

Matt Said, Jay Said...9373277200

Matt farts, Jay belches, you admire their manliness…

Matt:  Hello?  Hello?  Lady of the house speaking.
Jay:  Lady of the house?  Dude you need to man up.
Matt:  Dude, I was being funny.
Jay:  Well there’s funny, and then there is effeminate-ancy.
Matt:  Is that a word?
Jay:  Well, it is now, because it’s on the internet.
Matt:  Good point.

Jay:  How was your New Year’s Eve?
Matt:  Uneventful but pleasant.  Schmoop wore tight fittin’ booty shorts.
Jay:  That’s HOT.  How come?
Matt:  I asked her to.
Jay:  Oh wow.  That’s skill right there.
Matt:  Word…How was yours?
Jay:  Just dandy.  Making the New Year cheese ball for today as we welcome in 2014.
Matt:  Making a cheese ball?  And you call me effeminate?
Jay:  Listen…I am a man who can make cheese balls AND cook.  Chicks dig that.
Matt:  By God they do…y’know…you and I have developed are manly skills to the nth degree.

Jay:  Oh I know.  We are witty and sensitive.
Matt:  We can cook and are runway fashion plates.
Jay:  We are handy around the house and know how to feminize the ladies.
Matt:  We offer to get our napkins after they forget to bring one when they bring us our sandwich.
Jay:  Damn dude…When I think about it?  We have a lot of knowledge to offer to men everywhere.
Matt:  And it would be rude of us to keep it to ourselves.
Jay:  It would be.

Matt:  Alright then…Sunday we should do a Man’s Survival Guide type show on IWS Radio.
Jay:  Hell yeah.  If we don’t impart our tips on how to become a valued and lusted after man, we are sinning.
Matt:  I don’t want to sin.
Jay:  Me neither.  Sinning is…well, a sin.
Matt:  Well said.
Jay:  Thank You.

Matt:  So?  This Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show we will help every guy in the universe.
Jay:  Damn straight.  Teach guys how to cook, dress, build a career.
Matt:  Find that special lady and leave her wanting more every time.
Jay:  I bet Rev. Moneymaker and Stubby Stonehenge could help with some insightful words.
Matt:  As could Bobby Kraft and Barry Resnick.

Jay:  This is going to be huge, because men everywhere will call-in for our advice.
Matt:  If they don’t, they aren’t real men.
Jay:  Damn straight.  That would make them pussies and won’t be getting any of what they are.
Matt:  You speak the truth.  Off to make a baloney sandwich and look at Scar-Jo pics Jayman.
Jay:  Okay.  Ima gonna finish the cheese ball and see if Alyssa Milano will retweet me again.
Matt and Jay:  See ya Sunday on the Radio!!

To listen LIVE to IWS Radio’s, The Man’s Survival Guide to 2014 Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio click HERE!!
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Job Training Partnership Act

Cheeeeeeeeeeers and Happy Tuesday to you all!!

I know that there are many of you out there who have recently been laid-off, let go, and/or otherwise downsized from your jobs as we enter this festive time of year, and to you all, I say God Bless, and I hope you still have some semblance of a happy holiday season, however…

I can neither faintly nor remotely begin to describe the sadness of your holiday-time layoff, but I can describe the layoff that is affecting me.

And that layoff involves my BFF/OSP, Schmoop who was recently callously and hurtfully terminated just last week.

Her layoff burns me to the core as I know how sensitive she is.  I try not to cry, but I witnessed her giving of herself for nearly thirteen years as office manager to the company for which she worked, and I know how devastated she is.

Sure…I could temporarily cajole my darling Schmoop with a peck on the cheek, an occasional atta boy, and words of, “It’ll be alright.”

But…

If I do truly love her, the best way to help her is to get her post-partum layoff mind off of the, “stinkin’ thinkin’” and put her to work…allow her to develop new job skills, and…give her a sense of self-worth.

So…I figure I could set some daily chores for her as she begins her journey toward re-employment, all the while helping her to develop new skills.

Painting is a good profession and one that will always have a market. I noticed recently that our bathroom and kitchen could use a fresh coat of paint.  Schmoop could develop scraping off the old paint and applying the new paint skills by scraping off the walls and stroking up a fresh, friendly coat of paint upon the walls of both rooms.

Being a good cook is also a well paid trade that will always be in demand.  Perhaps Schmoop could learn not to just re-heat things, but delve deeper into honing her nascent culinary skills, by cooking a handmade and homemade breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me every damn day.  After all, repetition is a good teacher!!

Schmoop does have a nice voice.  She could always become a stay-at-home phone sex operator.  We had a former phone sex line chick on our radio show two weeks ago, and she was telling stories of receiving blank checks from her clientele.

Which leads me to another line of work Schmoop could look into…

Philanthropist.

When and if Schmoop received blank checks from her potential and aforementioned phone sex customers, she could then hand the checks over to me knowing full well that it is better to give than receive.

I could then use that money to invest in my our future leaving Schmoop time to no longer worry about money, and instead focus on honing her skills as a Geisha Girl, a massage therapist, and naked vacuuming. And I?

I would be her helpful and dutiful test case the entire time, offering encouragement, compassion, and critical suggestions on how to become better at all of those things.

So there you go…

While it is through the hurt on Schmoop’s behalf that I type this jobs training program, I suffer through it, because I love her so damn much and long for her to be the best Schmoop that she can be.

The road back to employability won’t be easy for Schmoop, but doggone it…

I’m going to make sure that both of us don’t suffer along the way.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_IWS
My Facebook Page 

Easy Crockpot Chili Recipe

Cheeeeeeers everybody, and Happy Hump Day.

Y’know?  Now that football season is in full swing and Lady Autumn is here with her cooler temps, many folks will be throwing Saturday and/or Sunday football parties in their homes.

Along with the typical chips, dips, wings, and the like, a great football party can be made even more rollicking with some awesome, crowd pleasing chili.

I plan on making chili in a couple of weeks when I take a Saturday off to enjoy a full day of College Football.  It is an easy, and uber-tasty crock pot chili.

Here’s what Easy Five Bean Crockpot Chili ala Matt-Man entails…

Tomatoes, Tomato Paste, Dark Red Kidney Beans, Northern, Black Beans, Lima Beans, and Light Red Kidney Beans...If you’d like, which I do from time to time is replace the one of the kidney beans with butter beans.  But anyhoo…

Not too many spices...Chili Powder, Paprika, Oregano, Garlic, and a secret one which is not shown that replaces Cumin...Liquid Smoke.  Liquid Smoke makes everything better.  A few tablespoons of that into the mix, and bar the door Katy, it’s a TOUCHDOWN!!

These are da bomb!! Frozen and already diced onions and bell peppers. Fresh may be best, but too many of us end up wasting them.  So, this an inexpensive and practical way to go.

The MEAT!! Two pounds of ground beef, and one pound of sausage which I will slightly brown off with Worcestershire Sauce prior to crocking it. I also add real bacon pieces.

I would use REAL bacon, but I cannot bring myself to use sliced bacon for this. Sliced bacon stands on its own, and should be consumed that way!!

The cookery...or, is that, crockery? Anyhoo. This is my newest crockpot. Isn't she sexy and voluptuous?

I call her, Samantha. Samantha came with a 2, 4, and 6 quart bowl. I always use the 4 quart bowl.  The 2 is too small, and the 6 quart bowl, I only use when cooking up meth, so it may have toxic residue in it.

There you have it. After six to eight hours of simmering, Samantha will be ready to yield her juicy, meaty, and delicious wares.

A great accompaniment with the chili is Cheesy Onion Cornbread…

Just prepare a box of any inexpensive cornbread mix per instructions, but add some of the frozen onions and bell pepper, along with shredded cheese of your choice and voila!!  Rustic goodness in its most delicious form…

Your friends, fans, and fellow football watchers will give you the game ball with two thumbs up.

Five Bean Crockpot Chili and Cheesy Onion Cornbread…Easy and delicious, just like me.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
My Facebook Page