Mr. Sandman Is A Spiteful Agent Provacateur

Cheers and a Happy one full week of Lent has passed us by already, to ya.

For those who follow the IWS Radio website and radio show, you are aware that for Lent this year, I have given up the eating of bread and pasta.

44 Days…No bread…No pasta.

Yesterday marked the end of week one of doing such.  The first couple of days were easy. I was excited to be exerting some rarely used self-discipline, and it was a fresh change in my eating habits.

During the days, I have up to this point, been in full control of my willpower with little discomfort, however…

The last couple of nights have seen my slumbers come alive with things over which my willpower has no control…

Bread-Related Dreams, and let me tell you; they’re neither helpful nor pretty.

For instance…

I had a dream that I am walking down a dirty, urban alley in God knows what city, and I am approached by a nefarious looking man wearing a trench coat, and he says to me…

“Hey…My name is Reuben, and I having something you want, something you need.”  To which I respond…

“Really?  What is that?”  And then…

He flashes open his trench coat, and on one side dangle slices of corned beef, Swiss cheese, and dressing, and on the other side, sauerkraut, corned beef and dark rye bread.  Bastard.

And then another dream follows.  I am sitting in a nightclub by myself and to the mic walks IWS Radio’s very own up and coming comic, Phil Diller.  The spotlight hits him; he goes into his routine and the following transpires…

Phil:  Knock Knock
Me:  Who’s there?
Phil:  Mac
Me:  Mac who?
Phil:  Mac Aroni.  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Phil:  Hey Matt-Man?  What do you get when you put a likeable apparition into a toaster?
Me:  I have no idea.
Phil:  Casper the Friendly Toast!!  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Oh…Dear…God…

Oh the dreams don’t die there folks…There’s more.

I was stripped naked and tied to a hemlock tree by Sarah Palin while her daughter threw Cheddar Bay Biscuits at me.  I kid you not!!

I dreamed I was riding through way ancient downtown Rome in a foot powered Paleolithic car driven by a caveman named Frederico Flinstonia, and all four tires were made of pizza.  It’s true!!

But?

I think the most disturbing bread-related dream I have had, occurred early Wednesday morning as I was beginning to awake.

I was on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. There was no mechanical failure. There was no hijacking.  There was no terrorism.  We made it to our destination safely and without incident.

As we exited the plane, all but I, were thrilled to disembark and enjoy the stay on the vacation spot that all but me had had longed to visit. That destination, of which I speak?

The Sandwich Islands.

Mr. Sandman is indeed a cruel and unrelenting bastard, because even if I am in paradise...even Hawaii, but without bread?  Hawaii can suck it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
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Lemon Herb Chicken Pasta Recipe

Holaaaaaaaaa Foodies!! Chef Jayman here from Chez Jay’s Fine Dining Pub to share with y’all one of my favorite all time recipes. Tonight we’re serving Lemon Herb Chicken with Whole Grain Pasta Noodles. Let’s get right to it ….

First thing you do is go to Walmart and cough up $1.25 for this cause walking around the place looking for all the ingredients is bullshit…

You already have the chicken tenders in your freezer, right? I mean seriously, who doesn’t have frozen boneless, skinless chicken tenders in their freezer at all times? Anyway, put two tablespoons of butter in a medium hot skillet and let it melt. Then put about one pound of chicken tenders in the pan to cook in the butter. Put a lid on it so you can keep the chicken moist. Once the chicken is thawed, you then pour some of the seasoning over the chicken, turn them over, pour the rest of the seasoning on them and cook them all the way through. Don’t be shy about throwing some more butter in there either if needed.

If you thought ahead you could cut up your tenders, throw them in a bowl and pour the seasoning over them and mix it all up and rub the seasoning in. PLEASE WEAR FOOD SAFE GLOVES IF YOU DO THIS. *shudder*

Okay, while that’s happening pour two cups of water in a pot and bring it to a boil. Then toss in the packet of pasta and dried up nasty-ass peas and carrots. Once the chicken is done, cut it up and add it to the pot with the pasta and maybe scrape up as much as the seasoning in the pan you cooked the chicken in at too high a temperature and add it too.

Once the pasta is nice and tender and ready, sprinkle in the glaze making sure you cover the entire pot with it. Don’t stir it in just let it simmer with a lid on the pot for five minutes or so until everything is really thick. Don’t burn it man! Once it’s all congealed (gross right?) it’s ready to be plated. Be sure to forget to take the pic when you first put it on your plate and have to take a more artistic one with just a few bites left.

If you like, you can have a few croissants. PRO TIP: Turn your croissants upside down to butter them. It’s much easier to spread the butter on the flat smooth bottom.

Okay, there you have it. Chez Jay’s Lemon Herb Chicken with Whole Grain Pasta!

Oh! I almost forgot. For dessert I recommend Yarnell’s Lemon Ice Box Pie Ice Cream. Deeeeeee-Licious!

Bon Appetit!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

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