MSJS Easter Extravaganza

Jay evangelizes, Matt sermonizes You nod off a bit.

Jay: What?
Matt: Huh?
Jay: Did you start
Matt: Start what?
Jay: That was a fast minute
Matt: What?
Jay: HOLAAAAAAAAAAAA
Matt: CHEERS!
Jay: How the hell are ya?
Matt: I’m freaking great!
Jay: That’s great to hear.
Matt: You know why?
Jay: Because Jesus loves you?
Matt: You’re GOT-DAMMED right he does!
Jay: Abso-freaking-lutely! He loves me too.
Matt: Well … probably.
Jay: Hey now!
Matt: I’m kidding! Jesus loves everyone.
Jay: Not everyone. He probably doesn’t love Vladimir Putin.
Matt: Good point.
Jay: We should call him.
Matt: Let’s do it!

Jay: OMG! Lent is almost over.
Matt: I can’t wait!
Jay: Me either.
Matt: It’s been a long haul.
Jay: It sure has
Matt: I’m gonna eat bread all day!
Jay: It’ll be a Yeast Feast!
Matt: I might get Adult Onset Celiac Disease
Jay: It’s gonna be a great day.
Matt: Yeah … Hey wait!
Jay: What?
Matt: What did you give up for Lent again?
Jay: Well, it’s complicated
Matt: Uh-huh
Jay: It’s all about being a better person
Matt: Well, did you do it?
Jay: Yeah, pretty much. I think so.
Matt: Good job then!
Jay: Thanks!

Matt: So an Easter Extravaganza on Sunday?
Jay: Of course!
Matt: We should call the Pope.
Jay: Ask him how Easter is shaping up?
Matt: And maybe the Israelis
Jay: Of course! Make sure they’re having a happy Passover
Matt: OHHHHH! Remember when Guy interviewed the Easter Bunny?
Jay: Oh yeah! We should find that and play it again.
Matt: “Classic IWS”
Jay: Good call. Rev Moneymaker will be there.
Matt: And Paul Piatt and stand up w/ Phil Diller
Jay: And even more stand up w/ Jesus on stage at Ha-Ha’s in Haifa!
Matt: I bet he nails that show!
Jay: I hope he doesn’t …. DIEEEEEE!
Matt and Jay: HEY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Matt: And, I have a list of prayer lines we can call.
Jay: We need more prayer in our lives.
Matt: Everyone does
Jay: So let’s give it to them
Matt: In Jesus’ name
Jay: AMEN!

Be sure to catch “Jesus Christ: Tan, Rested and Ready” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!!

Mr. Sandman Is A Spiteful Agent Provacateur

Cheers and a Happy one full week of Lent has passed us by already, to ya.

For those who follow the IWS Radio website and radio show, you are aware that for Lent this year, I have given up the eating of bread and pasta.

44 Days…No bread…No pasta.

Yesterday marked the end of week one of doing such.  The first couple of days were easy. I was excited to be exerting some rarely used self-discipline, and it was a fresh change in my eating habits.

During the days, I have up to this point, been in full control of my willpower with little discomfort, however…

The last couple of nights have seen my slumbers come alive with things over which my willpower has no control…

Bread-Related Dreams, and let me tell you; they’re neither helpful nor pretty.

For instance…

I had a dream that I am walking down a dirty, urban alley in God knows what city, and I am approached by a nefarious looking man wearing a trench coat, and he says to me…

“Hey…My name is Reuben, and I having something you want, something you need.”  To which I respond…

“Really?  What is that?”  And then…

He flashes open his trench coat, and on one side dangle slices of corned beef, Swiss cheese, and dressing, and on the other side, sauerkraut, corned beef and dark rye bread.  Bastard.

And then another dream follows.  I am sitting in a nightclub by myself and to the mic walks IWS Radio’s very own up and coming comic, Phil Diller.  The spotlight hits him; he goes into his routine and the following transpires…

Phil:  Knock Knock
Me:  Who’s there?
Phil:  Mac
Me:  Mac who?
Phil:  Mac Aroni.  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Phil:  Hey Matt-Man?  What do you get when you put a likeable apparition into a toaster?
Me:  I have no idea.
Phil:  Casper the Friendly Toast!!  Ha.  Hi Muh Lime Uh!!

Oh…Dear…God…

Oh the dreams don’t die there folks…There’s more.

I was stripped naked and tied to a hemlock tree by Sarah Palin while her daughter threw Cheddar Bay Biscuits at me.  I kid you not!!

I dreamed I was riding through way ancient downtown Rome in a foot powered Paleolithic car driven by a caveman named Frederico Flinstonia, and all four tires were made of pizza.  It’s true!!

But?

I think the most disturbing bread-related dream I have had, occurred early Wednesday morning as I was beginning to awake.

I was on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. There was no mechanical failure. There was no hijacking.  There was no terrorism.  We made it to our destination safely and without incident.

As we exited the plane, all but I, were thrilled to disembark and enjoy the stay on the vacation spot that all but me had had longed to visit. That destination, of which I speak?

The Sandwich Islands.

Mr. Sandman is indeed a cruel and unrelenting bastard, because even if I am in paradise...even Hawaii, but without bread?  Hawaii can suck it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
My Facebook Page 

Lent Is Here; Be A Fisher Of Women

Cheeeeeeers and Happy Lent to everyone, well…

Not everyone.

Y’know….

This past Sunday, Jayman and I talked about how when one gives something up for Lent, sometimes, some less than stellar human beings, feel the need to denigrate those observing Lent, and these folks, belittle their commitment.

I was hoping, that maybe this year, things would be different, but sadly…it was the same old song and dance.

Allow me to set this up…

I am not a Catholic, because well, while I was forced to be Catholic during my first eighteen years of upbringing, I looooooathe the Catholic Church and organized religion in general, however…

Every year at this time, this time being the Lenten season, I give up something for Lent.

Oh sure, I haven’t been a Catholic for years, but…I enjoy exerting some willpower over myself.

This year I am giving up bread and pasta.  No baked goods for the Matt-Man, sounds easy, but…I love toast. And so?  That’s what I’m doing.

Funny thing?

Some people find that what a person is giving up is repetitive and/or untimely.

My buddy Bill pointed out that I gave up bread last year (which I didn’t) and that I was becoming blasé.

And then, some troglodyte with a vagina, uttered the following…

“You hate Catholic Church People think you are doing for Lent which your not. You hate Catholic Church.”

First of all folks, she should give bad grammar up for Lent, but otherwise…

I am giving up bread and pasta for Lent, and yet, some folks, like the aforementioned commenter feel compelled to tell me the manner in which I should give it up.

She gives me shit for giving up something for Lent, during Lent…because, well…the timing is confusing . What?

Anyhoo…

I am giving up bread and pasta for Lent.  I will not have frozen pizzas, toast, nor macaroni.  That makes me sad.

But what makes me sadder, is the fact that some people, think I’m not doing it right.

I’m doing it right, alright…I’m exercising some self-control for six weeks, and if that’s a bad thing in your mind, you can go to Hell.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Lent 2014: The Struggle is Real Y'all

Hola y’all! Man, I gotta tell ya I’m seriously struggling with this whole lent thing. If you listened to the show on Sunday then you could probably tell that I was anguishing over my decision as to what to give up for Lent. If you didn’t listen then SHAME ON YOU! This has seriously turned into one of the toughest decisions of my life.

As the show went along, it didn’t take much time or effort for Mat-Man and me to agree that we as a team here at IWS Radio should make some sort of sacrifice for lent also. The obvious thing to give up here is the gratuitous posting of pics of hot chicks just as click bait and having nothing to do with the subject we are writing about at all. Unless of course they are in the news for something special and get named “Person of the Week” today is the last day for that kind of thing.

So, that’s set and honestly, I thought that just might be enough for me. Sure, that’s not the biggest sacrifice ever, but it is something that means a lot to me and something I enjoy a lot. What’s more it’s something I probably SHOULD give up. Often people get caught up in the pic of the hot babe and they completely miss my brilliant blog post. That’s very frustrating to me and I think this will help me with that.

As we neared the end of another brilliant and entertaining episode of IWS Radio I settled on giving up junk food. Things like frozen pizzas, chips and sweets or whatever for lunches. Not a bad idea. Again, it’s something I should do anyway. After he should though, I started thinking that maybe there was something better to give up. I also got to thinking that maybe I wouldn’t do anything at all since I’m not Catholic or particularly religious.

The problem with that is I would feel like I let my friend and lover Matt-Man down if I didn’t do anything for Lent while he was giving up bread and pasta. Plus, he’s somehow convinced our good friend, the lovely and talented Tyla Kells to do the same thing he’s doing. Damn, now I feel like I need to support BOTH of them by giving something up.

This morning Matt-Man posted a pic of a bunch of junk food on his Facebook page announcing my giving up junk food for Lent. I cautioned him that I was still struggling with my decision and he reminded me that the Lord hates a pussy. He makes a good point.

So, I was about to go ahead with the whole junk food idea when my very good friend and crazy hot babe suggested that it might not be the best of ideas. This put me in a real quandary as I hat letting anyone down. This is why I try to keep expectations low! So then I threw it all out there on MY Facebook page hoping someone could come up with a better suggestion.

This resulted in some very interesting ideas. One of them was to give dehydrated cheese which would mean giving up things like Cheetos and Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips. This actually leaves the door open for other kinds of tortilla chips that I might dip in REAL cheese. Damn, that Knight is an amazing combination of brains and beauty. BUT, that’s kind of cheating, right? I mean that’s kind of like giving up Dominoes but still going to Pizza Hut. So then someone just suggested giving up everything orange. This was another brilliant idea which really works for me because I don’t wear hunting vests and have no intention of ever wearing an orange prison jumpsuit.

Other people suggested doing something good for society instead of giving anything up. Maybe not using any plastic bags or plastic containers for 47 days? This is a very practical idea and I kind of like it. The idea of bettering myself and/or doing something good for others is definitely keeping in line with Jesus’ teachings and makes it seem like more of doing something new rather than punishing myself.

So, decision has been made. I’m going to make Lent a positive experience by doing things to better myself as a person and do my part to make my little corner of the universe a better place. Damn, I feel good about this decision. It’s good to have it behind me. Thanks for listening to me ramble about it and thanks for all your help in making such a difficult life decision. You guys rock!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS