Matt Said, Jay Said...9373277200

Matt farts, Jay belches, you admire their manliness…

Matt:  Hello?  Hello?  Lady of the house speaking.
Jay:  Lady of the house?  Dude you need to man up.
Matt:  Dude, I was being funny.
Jay:  Well there’s funny, and then there is effeminate-ancy.
Matt:  Is that a word?
Jay:  Well, it is now, because it’s on the internet.
Matt:  Good point.

Jay:  How was your New Year’s Eve?
Matt:  Uneventful but pleasant.  Schmoop wore tight fittin’ booty shorts.
Jay:  That’s HOT.  How come?
Matt:  I asked her to.
Jay:  Oh wow.  That’s skill right there.
Matt:  Word…How was yours?
Jay:  Just dandy.  Making the New Year cheese ball for today as we welcome in 2014.
Matt:  Making a cheese ball?  And you call me effeminate?
Jay:  Listen…I am a man who can make cheese balls AND cook.  Chicks dig that.
Matt:  By God they do…y’know…you and I have developed are manly skills to the nth degree.

Jay:  Oh I know.  We are witty and sensitive.
Matt:  We can cook and are runway fashion plates.
Jay:  We are handy around the house and know how to feminize the ladies.
Matt:  We offer to get our napkins after they forget to bring one when they bring us our sandwich.
Jay:  Damn dude…When I think about it?  We have a lot of knowledge to offer to men everywhere.
Matt:  And it would be rude of us to keep it to ourselves.
Jay:  It would be.

Matt:  Alright then…Sunday we should do a Man’s Survival Guide type show on IWS Radio.
Jay:  Hell yeah.  If we don’t impart our tips on how to become a valued and lusted after man, we are sinning.
Matt:  I don’t want to sin.
Jay:  Me neither.  Sinning is…well, a sin.
Matt:  Well said.
Jay:  Thank You.

Matt:  So?  This Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show we will help every guy in the universe.
Jay:  Damn straight.  Teach guys how to cook, dress, build a career.
Matt:  Find that special lady and leave her wanting more every time.
Jay:  I bet Rev. Moneymaker and Stubby Stonehenge could help with some insightful words.
Matt:  As could Bobby Kraft and Barry Resnick.

Jay:  This is going to be huge, because men everywhere will call-in for our advice.
Matt:  If they don’t, they aren’t real men.
Jay:  Damn straight.  That would make them pussies and won’t be getting any of what they are.
Matt:  You speak the truth.  Off to make a baloney sandwich and look at Scar-Jo pics Jayman.
Jay:  Okay.  Ima gonna finish the cheese ball and see if Alyssa Milano will retweet me again.
Matt and Jay:  See ya Sunday on the Radio!!

To listen LIVE to IWS Radio’s, The Man’s Survival Guide to 2014 Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio click HERE!!
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Let's Get Random Y'all

Hola y’all! I don’t have shit for ya so it’s time for some random thoughts…

When are acid washed jeans gonna come back into style? I always loved those. What about parachute pants? Damn, my ass looked fine in those babies in ninth grade.

I’ve just about had enough of this temperatures in the mid-90’s every day crap. I should have a talk with Mother Nature and ask her why she’s fuckin’ with us like this. She’s probably just doing it to amuse herself. I can respect that.

Hold on. I’m going to get a sugar free Fudgesicle. Healthy ice cream!

I just watched the first half of the Eagles/Redskins Monday Night Football game. The Skins are trash. Holy crap they look as if they never had a preseason at all. Also, there’s an outside chance that Robert W. Griffin III isn’t really that good. At the very least he appears to be a paper tiger. Hit him a couple of times and you take the fight out of him. Time will tell I guess.

I’m so fucking tired of all the Syria talk. I was opposed to it at first, then listening to Obama and Kerry last week I came around to the idea, but then Pope Francis talked me out of it over the weekend on Twitter. Just kidding! I’ve been opposed to it all along.

            1. It won’t make a difference in terms of getting rid of Assad.

            2. The “mission” will slowly expand like it always does.

            3. I simply don’t have any faith in the Obama/Kerry/Hagel team.

RG3 just threw another interception. I’m telling ya, he might secretly suck.

I feel bad for Lady Ga Ga. She’s running around stark ass naked and nobody is even noticing her because of Miley’s shenanigans. Poor girl. I guess her only option is to have a three way with a dude and another chick on stage and maybe THEN she can get a little attention.

I’m down to only one Pepsi a day and it’s going great. I have one late afternoon while watching the Pioneer Woman on Food Network and that’s it. After dinner I have a glass of sugar free lemon ice tea which is downright delicious.

You may have noticed I’m trying to cut back my sugar consumption dramatically. It’s not easy but I’m working on it. My next target is to have something for breakfast better for me than Frosted Flakes.

I mentioned to someone on Twitter what a funny (“funny” = “stupid”) name Sloan Sabbith (Olivia Munn on the Newsroom) is, but I forgot how angry liberals get if you make fun of characters on their favorite liberal shows. Gotta always keep that in mind y’all.

Happy 1093^rd birthday Louie XIV!

I was thinking of previewing the 2013 fall television schedule but it looks like a big bowl of stupid.

RG3 just threw a second third TD pass of the second half. I take it all back. He’s pretty good.

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