Matt Said, Jay Said...The Heat is On!!

Matt has a seizure…Jayman is paralyzed…You are stricken dumbfounded by their hotness and humidity.

Matt:  What the hell?  How the hell did you get this number?
Jay:  You gave it to me like three years ago.
Matt:  Oh…Jayman?
Jay:  Yes?
Matt:  Oh wow.  I thought you were a bill collector.
Jay:  I am in a way…I want a return on my suffering with you.
Matt:  Ha.. That’s funny…Anyhoo…What should we do this week?
Jay:  No, seriously…I figure that you owe me, Six Thousand, Nine-Hun--
Matt:  Ha. Funny Man…

Jay:  Okay let’s talk about the show and I’ll talk reparations later.
Matt:  Sweeeeeeet!!

Jay:  I hear Luis took his Citizenship test today.
Matt:  Yep.  And he passed!!
Jay:  Ole!!
Matt:  He may have to work on Sunday, but his wife can talk to us.
Jay:  That would be awesome!!
Matt:  IKR?  We could ask her about how now that Luis is an American, he cares about nothing.
Jay:  I know that I don’t.
Matt:  Me neither.

Jay:  I was thinking that perhaps we could just wing it again this week.
Matt:  Last week’s winging it show wasn’t too hateful!!
Jay:  IKR?
Matt:  We can talk about the George Zimmerman trial.
Jay:  We can and will, and dig this…
Matt:  Oh Dear God, what?

Jay:  They are going to be filming a movie here in Redneckville and Bobby Kraft is going to be in it.
Matt:  Really!!?
Jay:  Yes!!  I mean, probably…and Dixie Ozark is going to interview Bobby about it.
Matt:  That’s HOT!!
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  Well let me tell ya…Drive-By Mikey is leaving for a week, and I’ll be in charge of the Beer Mine!!
Jay:  Are you gonna make some wacky changes?
Matt:  He won’t recognize the place nor his customers when he gets back.
Jay:  Good to see that you are building the business and we should talk about that.
Matt:  I am a team player, and we will.

Jay: So…we hit the week’s news HAM and then be our charming selves?
Matt:  Is there a better plan?
Jay:  No fucking way!!

Matt:  So there you go…People should join us tomorrow, Sunday July 14th LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio once again hits the mark and supplies the funny.

If you’d like to listen LIVE this Sunday at Noon ET click HERE.

George Zimmerman is GUILTY!

Holaaaaaaa Bitches! Well we’re back full force here at the old IWS Radio website and I can feel the tension in the crowd. George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin and will be convicted and sent to jail. Everything is waiting for me to tell you WHY George Zimmerman is guilty. Well, I don’t know why. I just, I don’t know, had to go with either “Guilty” or “Innocent” and finally flipped a coin and it came up guilty. Which he is, you know. The Coin Gods said so.

Of course I haven’t watched a single minute of the trial, but I don’t have to. I know all the facts I need to know and can’t be bothered by silly things like the law, jury instructions, admissible evidence, witness testimony and all that boring shit. I flipped the coin and it came up heads for “Guilty” so that’s that.

Oh I would have watched the trial but dammit, I’m just not the legal experts you guys all are. I think the fact that you guys on Facebook and Twitter tend to disagree over legal definitions is probably further proof that you’re experts and really know your shit. Well, either that or you made up your minds long before the trial started and are only using the evidence presented to confirm your beliefs or be OUTRAGED at the lie the “other side” is telling in court. God forbid any of you people ever allow your beliefs to be challenged and consider the possibility that you’re wrong about something.

Anyhoodle, sometime over the next few days George Zimmerman will be convicted, acquitted or there will be a hung jury. Then there will be the required fake outrage, bullshit claims that people “read on the internet” and then we’ll all move on to the next big thing and forget all about George and the dead 17 year old kid “whatshisname.”

Which reminds me … The funny thing about that whole “sanctity of life’ crowd is that they always seem to be on the side of the killer. Well, unless the killer is a woman having an abortion, then they get serious about saving that fetus because “all life is precious.” Unless two years after the kid is born and it’s accidentally killed by someone who was playing with an unsecured gun in the house. Then, the “sanctity of life” crowd who believes that “all life is precious” won’t be anywhere to be found. But, I digress. 

I tell you one thing though, I sure as hell wouldn’t want my fate to be in the hands of an all-woman jury like old George’s is. Holy Hell! There’s no way THAT would end well. All the prosecution would have to do is read off a bunch of my old blog posts or some of the Babes of the Week from here and I would be toast.

Besides, I don’t do that well with women. Oh sure, at first things seem to go okay but after a bit I eventually say something that makes them sit and think and next thing you know, they don’t want to be alone with me. So weird.

You know what would be worst? An all-white woman jury! Oh God! Those angry Elisabeth Hasselbeck types would convict me on the basis of my hot Asian babes posts alone. Fucking racists!

Uhhh … what was I talking about? Oh yeah, George Zimmerman is guilty according to the Coin Gods. The jury? *shrugs shoulders* who knows or cares? Their verdict probably won’t matter to all the experts out there on Social Media anyway.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Cheeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!  Matt-Man here writing on this here IWS Radio blog for the first time in, oh I don’t know…since this past Sunday.

Holy Cow!!  That’s like a century in dog years…I think.

Anyhoo…

On the IWS Radio Show this past Sunday, I mentioned to Jayman that we should take a couple of days off from the website, so I could do some things that tighten up our IWS brand, and tie up some loose ends as far as our You Tube page which is under my name and not the IWS Radio name.  And plus…

We could relax for a few, and let out a nice big Social Media sigh, and then come back refreshed.

I stated that merely taking Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off would be good for our souls, our creative juices, and I could fix our You Tube page.  Jayman, while not necessarily agreeing, acquiesced.

So…

After Sunday’s show, my best friend Schmoop and I drank, played music, and talked about rearranging furniture.  The Schmoopster was scheduled off and has been off, all her life week, so she would do that, and then?

We ate Johnsonville Brats…and lots of them.

Monday, I had to go to work…go to work with a hangover.  It wasn’t that bad until, I got THE PHONE CALL.  On the other end of the line was a crazy woman who was insisting that I should pay her $100.00 a week in order to help her put our son through college.

Her argument was built on a pile of sand, but she quickly and convincingly firmed up her philosophical treatise, and won me over to her side by calling me immoral, and labeling The Schmoopster, as homely.

So Monday night, drunk on the euphoria of being on a quasi-vacation and the lyrical tones of the crazy woman’s voice in my head, I had a couple of beers, a frozen pizza, and then went to bed.

Tuesday was awesome, because I only work Noon-5 on Tuesdays.  Sure it was raining, but my adorable, college bound son showed up at The Beer Mine needing $200.00.  I gave it to him, and after a couple of moments nervous of laughter, he went on his way.

When I got home shortly after 5 PM I walked into the Bagwine digs and the furniture had indeed been rearranged by The Schmoopster and it looked awesome, however…The cat was none to pleased.

I had a couple of drinks, and then before I knew it, it was 6:30 PM and it was time for Jayman and I to be interviewed by Katie D on her Blog Talk Radio Show.  We were there.  We were pithy, and then…

Ol’ Katie ran out of questions, cut the interview short, and the evening took a turn for the worse.

It turns out that the adorable, yet awkward interview was a result of Jayman and I, especially me, threatening the young Miss Katie through our penchant for answering the questions that Miss Katie asked.

I think it was my answer to her question, “How did your show come about?” and I responded, “Jay sent me an e-mail.”, that sent the young ingénue’s protector and psychotic sansei into a verdant and virulent attack upon my character upon the timeless timeline of my Facebook page.

With my good name besmirched by accusations of pedophilia and felonious assault, Schmoop ate and went to bed, and shortly afterwards, I ate and went to bed.

On top of all of that heartache, I was crushed to find out that Gretchen Carlson will no longer be on Fox and Friends in the morning, as her gravitas, and journalistic instincts necessitate a primetime afternoon show, and she will be replaced by Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

So much anguish…I have had better vacations, but it’s not a total loss.

The re-arrangement of the Bagwine digs looks awesome.  Ryno and I are meeting for pizza tonight at The Hut, and…

Looking back on these past few days of vacation?  I know that I am living the thug life.  Word!!

Oh the You Tube thing that was the impetus for all of this?  Eh, I never really got around to that, but trust me, I will.

After all, I am one immoral son of a bitch who lives with a homely chick, and that’s how we roll.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Hanging Out, Getting Interviewed & Taking Days Off

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! So, this is just a quick post to let you know that there is no post today. Well, okay, there’s a post today, but it’s not regular type post. I’m posting yesterday’s show which was awesome and you should totally listen to it.

We basically just kicked back and shot the breeze for the whole time. Well, for a while we shot the breeze with Bill the Kid down at the Beer Mine. That was pretty exciting. Then at the end of the show we shot the breeze with Mike who didn’t really have anything, but he called in anyway cause Matt yelled at him to and so he could tell is John Goodman story.

We did have a very special Poet’s Corner with Paul Piatt, a reading of some of the top Favstar Tweets by Bobby Kraft and a few live look-ins at Wimbledon.  Aaaaaaaaaand of course there was a Pee Break with Schmoop where she talked about her Staycation!

Other than that we talked about our Fourth of July weeks, Jay’s family being in town including the sweet little doggies. Jay’s trip to Springfield, MO and the Springfield Brewing Company and Bass Pro Shops and Matt’s bitter disappointment that Rally’s was closed on the fourth. And then we talked about lots of other stuff too cause we didn’t have any topic for the show.

Anyway, even without a topic it went pretty smoothly and was actually an above average show. So listen to it DAMMIT! Please.

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Because we’re both very busy men, there won’t be any posts here until Thursday the 11^th of July. Thanks for your cooperation and always remember that you could use the time you would have been reading us to listen to Matt and Jay LIVE over and over and over again.

P.S. On Tuesday July 9^th at 6:30 PM ET Matt and Jay will be the special guests on KatieDGirl Show! She will be interviewing us for about 30 minutes about, uh, stuff. Anyway, if you’d like to listen you can do so RIGHT HERE!

IWS Babe of the Week: Welcome to BabeBerry

Jay and Matt have been busy this week.  Jay had his family in for the week, and Matt had to mentally prepare himself for Schmoop being at home for eleven days while on her work shut down/vacation, so...

That left little, well actually, no time for IWS Radio prep for today's show, so Jay and Matt are just gonna wing it LIVE on the air today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Don't think of it as two guys doing an unprepared 120 minutes of blather, inanity, and sophomoric jokes, rather, think of it as Andy and Barney sitting on Andy's porch after one of Aunt Bee's Sunday dinners, as they reflect and spin the fabric of their American lives in to a quilt of Mayberrian wisdom.

With that being said, and as it is Babe of the Week day here on IWS, let's celebrate some of the hot women of The Andy Griffith Show...

First up to answer the bell, school teacher Helen Crump.  You know she has a stern and sexy side to her, because man, look at the points on those pencils of her's...

Is there anyone in Mayberry cuter than Thelma Lou?  I don't think so.  A bun in the hair never looked so hot!!

Okay, maybe there is somebody cuter in Mayberry than Thelma Lou...Ellie Walker.  That chick could pour a soda and had access to pharmaceuticals!!

Oh yeahhhhhh...Barbara Eden was in one episode.  She came to Mayberry and got a job as a manicurist at Floyd's barber shop.  The men of Mayberry found her too hot to handle so they sent her packing to Cape Canaveral to live with Major Nelson.

And of course, the Queen of Mayberry Hotness...Aunt Bee.  No matter how bad the day was, Aunt Bee was always there at noon with her picnic basket full of fried chicken, and hot love.

So there you go, a little homespun hotness courtesy of the Maids and Maidens of Mayberry.

Join Jay and Matt today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio by clicking below, as they spin their own down home hilarity on Blog Talk Radio.

Jay and Matt LIVE  Today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Matt Said, Jay Said 36-24-36 (ish)

Matt Slurs, Jay Slurs, You have another drink ... 

Matt: Hellooooooo  Jay: I’m not here
Matt: Me neither.
Jay: I’m too busy for this.
Matt: Me too!
Jay: Totally!
Matt: Can’t be bothered.
Jay: Well, not really.
Matt: Yeah, I’ve got time.
Jay: Just not this week.
Matt: Pretending to do family shit?
Jay: Not pretending dude! Family is here.
Matt: Even the dogs?
Jay: The dogs are here and they’ve taken over!
Matt: They’ll take charge of everything if you let them.
Jay: We’ve already let them.
Matt: That’s kind of sad.
Jay: Yeah, but they’re cool dogs.
Matt: Well, that’s okay then.

Matt: How was your Fourth of July?
Jay: Outstanding! Red, White and BBQ!
Matt: God Bless America!
Jay: Hell yeah! How was yours?
Matt: Well, Rally’s was closed.
Jay: What??
Matt: It’s an outrage, isn’t it!?
Jay: They denied good, Christian Americans hamburgers?
Matt: On Independence Day no less!
Jay: Commie Bastards!
Matt: Maybe they should change their name to Khrushchev’s Burgers.
Jay: Hey-OOOOOO!
Matt: Or Ho Chi Minhute Burgers.
Jay: Or Pol Burger Pot!
Matt: Leonid Burgzhev!
Jay: That was good stuff right there.
Matt: No bad.
Jay: Especially for two people who aren’t here.
Matt: Good point.

Jay: So this week’s show? Matt: What about it?
Jay: Got any ideas?
Matt: Well, I was thinking.
Jay: Oh dear.
Matt: No, it’s fine.
Jay: Okay
Matt: We could just wing it!
Jay: We could!
Matt: We’ll just hang out and shoot the breeze.
Jay: We’ll be live without a net!
Matt: Just like a Wallenda.
Jay: Pfft .. We’ll show Wallenda how it’s done.
Matt: We’ll talk about week
Jay: And out All-American 4^th of July activities.
Matt: Yeah, stuff like that.
Jay: And whatever else we think of.
Matt: We’ve got the talent to do it!
Jay: Probably.
Matt: It’ll be HUGE!
Jay: Less prep = better show
Matt: That’s the way it works.
Jay: Okay, we’re ready.
Matt: Always!

Be sure to catch Matt and Jay LIVE this Sunday on I’m With Stupid at 12 Noon ET!

The Hangover Has Struck Like Lightning!!

Hi IWS Radio listeners and readers, Ben Franklin here...

What?  It was America's Birthday yesterday, and now...I have a hangover...of course I do, and I spent the night with Anna Nicole Smith...is that so wrong?


Being Benjamin Franklin, I hope you understandeth...anyhoo...

She was a lightning storm of excitement.  Keep calm and carry on, and remember...

"The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself."


And let me tell ya...Last night?

I was chasing happiness all over the place.  Anna and I had fun...when I finally caught up to her that is,  and man...I am still impressed by the speed of angels.

I never realized that once one was heaven sent, that a big girl could move so damn fast.

But anyway, Anna ate eight brats, and I drank eight kegs, and we enjoyed a symbiotic relationship that I haven't  experienced  since I stuck my patriotic dork inside of Josephine's puff pastry.

Anyhooeth...I am tired.

And since the 4th of July Holiday has probably made you tired as well, you could always listen t o IWS Radio...

They had a great show last Sunday, so give it a listen, it's not going to take away any of your rights by doing so.

Drunk on History 06/30 by IWS Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Well...I have to go...even in Heaven, Anna still needs her drugs, so I have to swing past Jefferson's place and get her hooked up.

Here's to over developed Americans like Anna Nicole Smith...

Benji

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@mattmaniws
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