IWS Person of the Week...America's Founding Men and Women

We are mere days away from America's 238th Birthday, so let's kick off the week long build up by honoring some of the main players who helped give birth to THE United States of America by naming them out IWS Persons of the Week...

How can we not lead off our list by beginning with "The First American", Ben Franklin.  Ben knew it all, invented it all, and as far as the ladies go, he loved em' all...

Patrick Henry was a fiery orator famous for his "Give me liberty or give me death" line.  In spite of Matt-Man regretting his marriage while spending his honeymoon in Williamsburg, Va. at the Patrick Henry Inn, we include Patrick Henry because he was America's first badass...

John Adams was a co-writer of the Declaration of Independence and our second President, but he is more famous for being our first openly gay President.  In spite of his gayness and his wife Abigail being a lesbian, they managed to produce several children...

Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him.  Say hello to a man who was, Vice-President, Secretary of State, AND President...Thomas "Booty Call" Jefferson.  He opposed slavery yet owned many of them so in order to reconcile his person conundrum, he would frequently have sex with them...

Lastly...A nation can't be a nation without a flag to represent her nation-ness.  And for that reason we honor Betsy Ross who after an exhaustive sewing session, rested 'neath the timeless American banner she had created...

IWSRADIO.COM

Here's to all of the founders of this great nation, long may ye wave.

And kids...IWS Radio is kicking off America's birthday party LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET TODAY on Blog Talk Radio. So join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players as they celebrate America.

You can catch all of the Independence Day and Brit Bashing hilarity by clicking right HERE.

Cut the Crap...It's Time To Celebrate America!!

So, today begins a IWS celebration of our nation’s 238th year of independence.

As he was Ben Franklin’s press secretary, I tried to get Larry King to sit down with me for an eyewitness account of what went down during our nation’s birth.

Unfortunately, Larry King was tied up announcing his retirement from CNN...yet again, which he had done years ago..

Anyhoo, the Fourth of July is fast approaching…

A time to celebrate our country’s origins through backyard barbeques, illegal fireworks, and pissing in one’s own backyard while the burgers cook.

It’s a time for drinking too much beer, and getting a domestic violence assault charge leveled against you as a result of the wife not buying enough Johnsonville Brats.

It is also a time when normally motionless mannequins everywhere, shudder at the thought that they may be used in the latest fireworks safety video.

I do, so love America!!

I spent my day at work yesterday, thinking about something…The Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams (John, not Maud) were the main writers.

Jefferson did the draft. Penis envy laden Adams whined about being one-upped, and Franklin offered revisions while in a drunken, but brilliant stupor.

TJ originally had written that Americans should have, “Life, Liberty, and Property.”

Ben Franklin suggested the famous, “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

That suggestion was accepted after Jefferson initially shot down Franklin’s original idea of having the document read:

“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of air baths, rum, and drunken, buxom wenches between dusk and dawn.”

Ben rocked.

Another little known fact is that while Patrick Henry was not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, the stern, fire and brimstone orator and patriot, had offered up an alternative declaration to King George III.

It read as follows…

“Yo, G-Man, sally forth, and go fuck thyself, you wig wearin‘ bitch. You‘re no King. You‘re a Princess, you girly man, you.”

Sadly, it wasn’t adopted by the Second Continental Congress…Pussies.

Funny thing about Patrick Henry. His quote, “Give me liberty or give me death.” has been edited over the years.

His actual quote was, “Give me liberty, or give me death…and veal. Yeah, give me veal too. It’s so tender.”

Patrick Henry could help topple governments AND appreciate a fine meal. So American!!

It’s all about our independence, baby!!  And….USA advancing in the World Cup of Soccer, is the dessert of putting Piers Morgan and his self-aggrandizing brethren in their place.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

@mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page

MSJS...I Got Your Expert Right HERE!!

Matt pontificates…Jay orates…You ask yourself, “Do they know what the hell they are talking about?”

Matt:  Jay?  Jay?  Jay?
(minutes pass)

Jay:  Hola.  GOD DAMN GOOGLE PHONE!!
Matt:  Hiya Chuckles.  Ow…oh the echo, echo echo echo.
Jay:  What the fuck?
Matt:  I don’t know what it is…what it is…what it is.
Jay:  There, I muted the host line.
Matt:  Better?
Jay:  Yes, much.

Matt:  Google phone screwed up again eh?
Jay:  I may have spoken prematurely…It was BTR’s fault.
Matt:  Fucking “Expert” Internet Radio Platform!!
Jay:  Oh yeah, they know everything about internet radio.
Matt:  Slackers.

Jay:  Y’know Matt…There are a lot of  self-proclaimed “experts” on Facebook, Twitter, TV, radio, etc.
Matt:  Oh Dear God…More than a handful…more like…A BILLION!!
Jay:  It’s annoying, depressing, but most of all…
Matt:  Funnier than shit!!
Jay:  Ha.  I know right?  Let’s make fun of, er, I mean celebrate, the “experts” this week,
Matt:  Excellent call.  We could start with Facebook advice givers who care about everybody.
Jay:  Oh dear God…What they’re really doing most of the time is chiding others.
Matt:  Who else?

Jay:  Dr. Oz…Dr. Phil…Soccer “experts” who come out of the closet every four years for the World Cup.
Matt:  Foreign relations/military experts who have never been a diplomat nor in the military.
Jay:  The next door neighbor who knows what Kenyans look like…and knows they look a lot like Obama.
Matt:  So many phony experts to berate  like Jenny McCarthy, and so little time.

Jay:  We’ll show them expertise alright.
Matt:  Damn right, and Jayman…We can talk about the Great Velveeta Recall of 2014.
Jay:  You and Schmoop must be beside yourselves.
Matt:  M’eh…we’ll talk about it.
Jay:  Oh and Matt-Man…The Fashion Center Mall in Redneckville is dead. We could buy it and make it our new headquarters!!
Matt:  We should DEFINITELY talk about that.

Jay:  Man…That’s a lot of quality entertainment at a fair price to cover.
Matt:  It sure as hell is.
Jay:  Oh and I almost forgot.  Bobby Kraft will be interviewing Ben Franklin LIVE on Sunday’s show.
Matt:  Get outta here!!
Jay:  It’s true!!
Matt:  Jesus Christ…How do we manage to provide this much entertainment week in and week out?
Jay:  I’ll tell you how.
Matt:  How?

Jay:  Well…Four out of five internet experts agree…IWS Radio is the funniest God Damn show on BTR.
Matt:  And who can argue with that?
Jay:  Well…WE will…this Sunday during the, Internet Experts and Know It Alls episode of IWS Radio.

Matt:  Can’t wait Jayman.
Jay:  Me neither.  Now…Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!

To catch IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, click HERE.

The Hangover Has Struck Like Lightning!!

Hi IWS Radio listeners and readers, Ben Franklin here...

What?  It was America's Birthday yesterday, and now...I have a hangover...of course I do, and I spent the night with Anna Nicole Smith...is that so wrong?


Being Benjamin Franklin, I hope you understandeth...anyhoo...

She was a lightning storm of excitement.  Keep calm and carry on, and remember...

"The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself."


And let me tell ya...Last night?

I was chasing happiness all over the place.  Anna and I had fun...when I finally caught up to her that is,  and man...I am still impressed by the speed of angels.

I never realized that once one was heaven sent, that a big girl could move so damn fast.

But anyway, Anna ate eight brats, and I drank eight kegs, and we enjoyed a symbiotic relationship that I haven't  experienced  since I stuck my patriotic dork inside of Josephine's puff pastry.

Anyhooeth...I am tired.

And since the 4th of July Holiday has probably made you tired as well, you could always listen t o IWS Radio...

They had a great show last Sunday, so give it a listen, it's not going to take away any of your rights by doing so.

Drunk on History 06/30 by IWS Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Well...I have to go...even in Heaven, Anna still needs her drugs, so I have to swing past Jefferson's place and get her hooked up.

Here's to over developed Americans like Anna Nicole Smith...

Benji

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
Matt's Facebook Page