You Won't Believe What Happened at Work Yesterday

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads, Matt-Man here.

You are not going to believe what happened to me and the owner of the Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Road in Bagwine, OH.) yesterday.

I got there, as I always do, around 2 P.M.  Mike (the owner) and I were making small talk about how cold it has been and how much colder it will be getting, and then?

BAM!!  SPLASH!! BAZINGA!! CRASH!!

We both raced out of the semi-warm office to find what the noise was, and lo and behold, we couldn‘t believe our own sets of paired eyes as we stared at the drive thru floor and cooler doors.

I looked at Mike, and asked him…

“Holy Cow!!  Can you believe that shit?”

And Mike responded with much the same disbelief…

“Damn, that is fucking crazy!!”

We stared in disbelief for twenty seconds or so, although it seemed like an hour, and then looked at each other, and spontaneously and simultaneously said to one and other with mouths agape…

“This is July 24, 2012 all over again!!”

Just as we were preparing to fix the catastrophe, our buddy and one of our regulars, Keith, pulls in and says…

“Holy Shit…What the hell just happened?  That’s fucked up.”

Mike told him that maybe he should just take his beer, quit staring, and move along, but shortly afterward, as Mike and I were discussing what to do, Casey pulled in.

Ah yes, the affable, adorable, and hot Casey of the long reddish-brown hair, perky personality, and perkier breasts pulled in and said…

“Ha!!  You guys have quite the mess on your hands.  Could I get a case of Bud Light, a pack of smokes, and a bottle of wine while you are cleaning up.?”

After Mike and I argued over who would wait on Casey while the other began to clean up the devastation, I gave Casey her change, collected a well-deserved tip, and Mike said to me…

“Matt-Man, come here…You ain't going to believe what this shit left behind.”

And I didn't…It was supernatural.

After the events of July 24, 2012, I never believed that this would have ever happened at the Beer Mine again, and then Mike said to me…

“You know? We go to work every day; we do right by the Lord, and yet?  This same shit keeps happening over and over again.”

I looked upon the catastrophe that had just taken place, and with Mike’s words in my head said unto myself…

“Mike speaks the truth, but damn, and in spite of the suffering that took place here today…That Casey chick is hot.”

And there you go…a story of mayhem, rue, and regret from the Beer Mine.  May your today be better than your yesterday.

And let me tell you...if this ever happens again, you will be the first to know!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

IWS Radio IS Ready for Primetime!!

Happy Friday, Second Day of Kwanzaa, and National Fruitcake Day to one and all, and I hope that
everyone reading this, had a wonderful time celebrating the birth of the Holy Baby Jeebus this week.

I know I did.  I spent Christmas Eve at my brother Marty’s house and my son was actually there, and he had a present for ME.  It’s true!!

It was a Christmas miracle, and really?

The entire evening there was quite fun, because unlike many families, me and my brothers and sisters, get along pretty well.  But you know what I told my son Ryno Christmas Eve because I found it to be somewhat disturbing?

When I am with my brothers, even at six feet tall, I am the shortest Mahoney man in the room.  Hey, I know I was the baby of the family, but Mom and Dad, could you have spared an inch or two for me?

Wait…That didn't sound right, did it? Oh well, and anyhoo…

I, and certainly Jayman as well, hope that all of you gorgeous miscreants had a delightful Christmas.

Religious affiliation (or not) and/or whatever type of observances that you may or may not have had aside, Christmas is a great touchstone and catalyst for having fun with friends, family, and the ones whom you love.

Unless of course you send a very dear friend a picture of hot dog to their Facebook page as a token of Christmas joy and they end up deleting your wiener.  That right there is just plain, hurtful bullshit, but I digress, but I may discuss this issue further this Sunday on the IWS Radio Show, which by the way…

Is going PRIMETIME!!

Dat’s right Bitches!!  IWS Radio is going to be airing LIVE THIS SUNDAY from 8-10 PM ET, and probably will have that same time slot for at least 10-12 weeks.

Y’see?  The President and CEO of Blog Talk Radio Alan Levy approached Jay and I about going to a primetime slot because in his words…

“Primetime in the winter on BTR really slows down.  It has no pizzazz.  We need you guys….We need the IWS Radio team…We need you guys to be the straw that stirs the BTR primetime drink.”

So…I begged Drive-By Mikey to allow me to work the Beer Mine seven days a week, so that I would be sober at 8 PM ET on Sundays in order to do the show and help Alan Levy out.

Mikey put up a struggle, but he acquiesced and said to me…

“As much as I enjoy working Sundays, if you do an 8 PM show on a day that you are off, you won’t be able to dial in to the switchboard let alone talk coherently on the air.  Don’t get all gushy and thank me, but Sundays are all yours from now on Matt-Man.”

And there you have it.

So…Join us LIVE this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET as we go primetime and look back on 2013 and look ahead to 2014 during the IWS Radio 2014: Bigger and Stoopider show.

Me, Jay, Guy Ahnyurdyck, Rev. Moneymaker, Drew Peacock, Dana, Malcolm Eckstein, and a host of others will be on hand to celebrate the New Year and Kwanzaa!!

To join us LIVE this Sunday, you can click HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

The Beer Mine...Offering Folks a Respite From the Heat

Cheers Chuckleheads and welcome to Summer 2013.  A heat wave has finally hit the Greater Bagwine Metroplex as temps will be in the 90’s all week.

On top of that, the owner of the locally famous and world wide infamous Beer Mine is on vacation this week so that leaves yours truly in charge of operations through this Saturday.

I feel that I should make my mark in the drive through beverage business and enact some changes while Drive-By Mikey is away.

So, The Beer Mine will be celebrating a different theme every day this week…

Monday is Free Wing Day!!  If you so choose, I will, like a cannon, wing a 40 oz. bottle of King Cobra Malt Liquor at you and if you catch it, it’s yours FREE.  If it shatters and forever disfigures your face, you owe me a buck ninety-two.

Tuesday is Buy One Get One Free Day!!  Anything and everything we sell at The Beer Mine is two for one; of course, Tuesday is also Twice the Usual Price on All Products Day, so it’s a win-win for both myself and the patrons.

Wednesday is Hump Day!!  Sometimes, I just love to give of myself and go all out for the customers.

Thursday is Thirsty Thursday!!  With every purchase of $100 or more, you will receive a free dum dum sucker and a voucher for a free bottle of ice cold Ice Mountain water on your next visit.

Friday is Freaky Friday!!  I know that when you come through this Friday you are going to happily stupefied when you notice upon your leaving that I have given you back then entire amount of change you were due.  Sure, it’ll cut down on my “tips”, but I am willing to sacrifice for you, the customer.

Saturday is Fire Sale Day!!  Why a Fire Sale you ask?  Because, after working sixty-seven hours at The Beer Mine this week, I am going to torch the joint to the ground.

So there you have it…a week of good-natured celebration as we endure the week of heat that has come to visit the Bagwine, Ohio area.

While you are deciding which day or days are best for you to through, you can listen to yesterday’s IWS Radio Show.  Jayman and I bought on the Heatwave of Hilarity.  We along with Chris Matthews, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton talked about the George Zimmerman verdict.  Ed from Detroit chimed in as well.

Dusty Sandman had the traffic report, Dixie Ozark interviewed Bobby Kraft about his motion picture debut, and we capped things by talking with Mrs. Luis who is married to one of America’s newest citizen, Luis the Beer Mine Iceman.  We also announced the debut of the Paul Piatt Facebook page.

If you missed it live you can listen to all of the hot hilarity right here:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

Matt Said, Jay Said...The Heat is On!!

Matt has a seizure…Jayman is paralyzed…You are stricken dumbfounded by their hotness and humidity.

Matt:  What the hell?  How the hell did you get this number?
Jay:  You gave it to me like three years ago.
Matt:  Oh…Jayman?
Jay:  Yes?
Matt:  Oh wow.  I thought you were a bill collector.
Jay:  I am in a way…I want a return on my suffering with you.
Matt:  Ha.. That’s funny…Anyhoo…What should we do this week?
Jay:  No, seriously…I figure that you owe me, Six Thousand, Nine-Hun--
Matt:  Ha. Funny Man…

Jay:  Okay let’s talk about the show and I’ll talk reparations later.
Matt:  Sweeeeeeet!!

Jay:  I hear Luis took his Citizenship test today.
Matt:  Yep.  And he passed!!
Jay:  Ole!!
Matt:  He may have to work on Sunday, but his wife can talk to us.
Jay:  That would be awesome!!
Matt:  IKR?  We could ask her about how now that Luis is an American, he cares about nothing.
Jay:  I know that I don’t.
Matt:  Me neither.

Jay:  I was thinking that perhaps we could just wing it again this week.
Matt:  Last week’s winging it show wasn’t too hateful!!
Jay:  IKR?
Matt:  We can talk about the George Zimmerman trial.
Jay:  We can and will, and dig this…
Matt:  Oh Dear God, what?

Jay:  They are going to be filming a movie here in Redneckville and Bobby Kraft is going to be in it.
Matt:  Really!!?
Jay:  Yes!!  I mean, probably…and Dixie Ozark is going to interview Bobby about it.
Matt:  That’s HOT!!
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  Well let me tell ya…Drive-By Mikey is leaving for a week, and I’ll be in charge of the Beer Mine!!
Jay:  Are you gonna make some wacky changes?
Matt:  He won’t recognize the place nor his customers when he gets back.
Jay:  Good to see that you are building the business and we should talk about that.
Matt:  I am a team player, and we will.

Jay: So…we hit the week’s news HAM and then be our charming selves?
Matt:  Is there a better plan?
Jay:  No fucking way!!

Matt:  So there you go…People should join us tomorrow, Sunday July 14th LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio once again hits the mark and supplies the funny.

If you’d like to listen LIVE this Sunday at Noon ET click HERE.