Thanks To You For Being The Lovable Sickos That You Are!!

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.  After this past Sunday’s IWS Radio Show, I was nearly feeling elated yesterday, but my hangover from Sunday’s debauchery was such, that I could not feel elated until today. But…

Now that I can feel again, I want to talk about the positive feelings of love, good-will, and support that are raining down upon my detoxified mind and body, and on behalf of the team here at IWS Radio, I want to give a virtual hug and say thanks to some people for making me smile during Sunday’s show.

Jayman and I had set-up Sunday’s show as a jab at Blog Talk Radio to see if they would accept our, “The Gentlemen’s Guide to Sucking and Fucking a Lady” title.  Well, unfortunately….they did, and the pressure was on for us to perform.

Now don’t get me wrong, Jayman and I during our private Thursday morning show prep call can be downright filthy man-sluts, but we like to entertain a modicum of decorum during our LIVE show on Sundays.  So…

We asked for surrogates to help us out and record their naughty bits for us for this past Sunday’s show, and lo and behold…

Many degenerate, lascivious, sex-crazed, foot-fetishing, yet well-meaning sociopaths quickly and amicably acquiesced to our call for assistance.

Chris performed a reading of a story that would have made the late Bob Guccione blush.  Triple Jaxxx not only hung out on the phone with us for awhile, recited her bathtub desires to us, but also sang, quite sexily I might add, about how she enjoys touching herself to the thoughts of Jay and myself.

Glass Half Full Gal verbally gyrated for over seven minutes about sex, which afforded me the time to not only take a leak, but to do a little something else while I was in the bathroom listening to her piece.

A former Bagwine, Ohio resident and current longtime Alabamian, Amy…chimed in with a nice bumper full of southern charm and sexy giggles. I think we need to change her name to Alabamy.  Anyhoo…

Lonnnnnng time friend to me and IWS Radio and even longer to the Jayman, Cracker, recorded a bumper for Paul Piatt’s spot so sexy, that he is still blushing and wondering what in the hell a Rusty Sandwich is.

And well that’s it…or is it?

IWSRADIO.COM

Ha…No post of people helping out Jay and I would be complete without the acknowledgement of one Miss Jamie Mapleleaf.  The lovely Jamie is without question our biggest fan…probably because it is colder in Canada longer than here in the states, and listening to us is more comfortable than going outside. Nonetheless…

Jamie has for a long time done a funny intro line about me every week, contributed and recorded countless bits for the show, and for whatever reason, she has to be the only person who has listened to all 290 shows that IWS Radio has broadcast.

I maybe shouldn’t say this, but Jamie said to me recently that being included as part of the IWS Radio Show was a gift to her.  Pffffffffffft, she has it ass backwards, her being a part of the show is a gift to Jay and I. Jamie is incredible, and that’s that.

I just did want to say, now that I have my wits about me, thank you all for participating in Sunday’s IWS show. Y’all were great and keep in mind…

You all are welcome to send stuff to us anytime.  Suggest show ideas.  Suggest guests.  Be a guest. Whatever!!

Keep the good stuff coming, but please…for the next couple of shows could your ideas and submissions be free of your sick and depraved lifestyles?  After a couple of weeks…feel free to let your freak flags rise again.

Cheers and Thanks All!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Getting Down 'n Dirty on IWS

IWS got down and dirty this week! In response to BTR sudden lack of rules against dirty shows, Matt-Man and Jayman decided if you can’t beat them, join them. Well, for one week anyway. To keep pace with the new influx of smutty shows we got smutty too! REALLY smutty! There were discussions about all kinds of fun stuff …

Beer mine stories.

Difficulties of having sex with a hot Jewish girl.

Some sex advice from Sue Johanson for women who have boyfriends with HUGE penises.

How uncomfortable this subject matter is for Matt-Man and Jayman.

Erotic Reading by SkyDad!

Sexy food.

Erotic Poetry from Jaxxx and Paul Piatt.

Erotic Reading by GlassHalfFullGal.

Wet Dreams and Nocturnal Emissions.

Sex Ed in school vs cable TV access.

Jaxxx called in and got a little freaky with us talking about fetishes and the weirder side of sex.

How sex scenes in movies and on TV are so stupidly unrealistic

Guy Ahnurdyck is in a bit of trouble.

Bobby Kraft read “Fifty Shades of Jay”

And all kinds of other deeply disturbing and pretty damn hilarious stuff! Listen and then take a long hot shower!

                               

                                    New Comedy Podcasts with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

IWS Person of the Week...Legendary Lady Killers

Today on the IWS Radio Show which airs LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio, Jay and Matt and a cast of dozens will be discussing sex and what a man needs in order to satisfy the sexual needs of his lady. So...

So it seems more than appropriate, to today honor some guys who have pleased more than their share of the ladies over the years...Here are today's, IWS Persons of the Week...

Warren Beatty...Warren spent the majority of his life searching for the perfect woman to co-star with him in real life life as his wife...A few thousand casting calls later, he settled on banging Annette Bening for the remainder of his life story.

Wilt Chamberlain...No one took it harder to the hole than Wilt the Stilt, and his 31,419 points per game during his NBA career is surpassed only by the number of women he personally fouled over his lifetime.

Guy Ahnyurdyck...That's right!!  IWS Radio's very own international correspondent Guy Ahnyurdyck has had sex with women in all 24 time zones and 195 of the world's 196 nations.  He plans a fall vacation to South Sudan in order to nail down number 196.

Gene Simmons...The Tongue that Roars and front man for KISS is still alive and slamming women harder than his bass strings.  Any man who can bang that many chicks while wearing more make-up than the chicks he is banging is a badass.

Fidel Castro...We shit you not...By many biographical reports and research, as many as 30,000 lovely Latinas have at one time other, been sent to the Fidel Castro Re-Erection Camp.  Known for his staying power as a despot, this hombre has staying power in the bedroom as well. 

  

So hats off and pants off to these prolific purveyors of pleasure and our IWS Persons of the Week...long may their freak flags wave.

As for the aforementioned IWS Radio Show that is to take place LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET, Jay, Matt, the IWS Radio Players, and an outside team of never before heard pro-crass-inators will be chiming in with their thoughts about sexual pleasure, shoveling out the advice, as we take your calls at 661.244.9852.

So listen live and join the fun today from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio presents The Gentlemen's Guide to Sucking and Fucking a Lady on Blog Talk Radio.

To catch all of the IWS sexual hilarity, click right HERE.

MSJS: Too Hot to Handle

Matt gets freaky, Jay gets slutty, You get uncomfortable.

Matt: Glad you could make it!
Jay: I have two minutes to spare.
Matt: Spare where?
Jay: The clock said a minute 58 when I called.
Matt: Oh okay then.
Jay: OHHHHHHHHHHH
Matt: Uh-huh
Jay: It said an hour 58 LEFT. I was two minutes
Matt: Late
Jay: Late
Matt: Right
Jay: Well these things happen
Matt: You are so understanding
Jay: Makes like easier to handle
Matt: Right. I guess so.
Jay: I don’t let little things bother me
Matt: Especially when YOU were the one who was late
Jay: Exactly!
Matt: Exactly!
Jay: No reason to beat myself up over.
Matt: What’s done is done I guess
Jay: There you go! That’s the attitude to have!
Matt: What just happened here?
Jay: Are we show prepping or what?
Matt: Or what?

Jay: Hey the new trailer for “Fifty Shades of Grey” is out.
Matt: Ewwwww
Jay: I bet the movie is gonna be hot!
Matt: Are you going to watch it?
Jay: Nooooooooooooooooooo
Matt: But, there will be some hot scenes in it!
Jay: I’ll find them online if I want to see them.
Matt: That’s a good plan.
Jay: Did you read the book?
Matt: Ha!
Jay: Is that a “no?”
Matt: That’s a “no.”
Jay: The women sure do seem to love it though.
Matt: Yeah, women like that sex fantasy stuff.
Jay: Hmmmm
Matt: Hmmmm

Jay and Matt: SEX SHOW!
Jay: Well not a live sex show.
Matt: Yeah, show ABOUT sex!
Jay: Whew! Right
Matt: Yeah, that was awkward.
Jay: We’ll have to set aside our usual decorum.
Matt: It won’t be easy.
Jay: I think it’s time to let loose.
Matt: And get down and dirty!
Jay: We can get some people to read their favorite erotica!
Matt: Maybe tell a few naughty stories.
Jay: We could give sex and relationship advice too.
Matt: Who would be better at sex advice than us?
Jay: NOBODY!
Matt: Damn right!
Jay: You know? Sex is a pretty damn funny thing.
Matt: Oh hell yes it is. It’s hilarious.
Jay: If you do it the way we do.
Matt: Right. What?
Jay: We can talk about dirty movies
Matt: Dirty books
Jay: Dirty songs
Matt: Dirty people!
Jay: Fetishes
Matt: I guess
Jay: People have them!
Matt: True. No judging!
Jay: I guess
Matt: This is gonna be HAWT!
Jay: NASTY!
Matt: Weird as fuck!
Jay: I can’t wait!
Matt: Me either!!
Jay: I’ll bring the lube!
Matt: Oka … WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Jay: Sorry
Matt: See you Sunday
Jay: Right

Be sure to tune into “A Gentleman’s Guide to Fucking andSucking a Lady” at 12 Noon ET Sunday on IWS Radio! 

For Some Women, The Time For Good Sex Is Ticking Away

As Jayman and I are doing a show full of debauchery this coming Sunday, I thought I would get you all in the mood today with a bit of insect sex I experienced some years ago, but....I start out talking about those nasty ass "fish"...carp.

They wallow around in the shallows, the males trying to lure in a hot female with his crank bait, tossing out some cheesy line in carp-speak. It is a lovely ritual that hearkens in Spring. It also reminds me of something that happened to me many, many moons ago.

I guess I was about 17 years old and one late June afternoon my girlfriend at the time and I made our way to a secluded cove at the local State Park to fish. Well, actually… 

I was fishing and she sat on a blanket and read, but you get the picture. I was catching a few here and there and having a good time. I turned to Sherri at one point to show her a pretty good sized bass that I had caught and lo and behold there she sat.

She sat there staring at me, smiling. Her legs spread provocatively and her shirt unbuttoned revealing her lacy red bra and glistening cleavage. Boo Yah…

I could hear the wocka wocka guitar music from every low budget porn movie I had seen blaring in my head. I could feel a pup tent erecting itself in my shorts. I put down my rod, (no, not that one silly, my fishing rod) and lay down next to her.

My lips pressed against hers. My hands began caressing her perky nubile breasts. My tongue licking the salty sweat from her---Well you get the picture.

We were now entirely naked and going at it like two horny Proboscis Monkeys in a mangrove swamp. Our warm bodies rolling around on white sand and our secret protected by the seclusion and the dense canopy of the cove. 

It was glorious, and an example of young love at its most passionate. As we neared the state of climactic euphoria, we simultaneously moaned and screamed, for it was at that moment that we discovered that we were both covered in......ticks.

That’s right, blood sucking, disease laden ticks.

We were mortified to say the least. My anxious dork went from being a tribute to teenage virility to being a shrunken cowering nob of innocuousness.

We picked ticks from each others most intimate parts like baboons giving each other a rinse and set. It was as if we were both suffering from the humiliation only a nursing home resident can feel at the hands of a sadistic nurse…young passion gone terribly wrong.

For two weeks after the fiasco, we still felt ticks crawling on us although it was just our minds trying to process the events. I have recovered for the most part, but to this day, whenever someone mentions Lyme disease or spotted fever, I cross my legs and let out a little whimper. I tell you this now in order to prevent it from happening to you.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
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Celebrity Sex Tapes We Want To See

Holaaaaaaaaa all you celebrity loving perverts out there! One of the truly great things about modern American culture is celebrity sex tapes. Oh don’t sit there and act like you haven’t watch any of them cause you know you have. You watched Pam and Tommy Lee. You watched Paris Hilton and That Dude she did one with. You watched Kim Kardashian’s super boring sex tape too. You love celebrity sex tapes!

Since everyone loves them, I thought I would do a list of celebrity sex tapes we ALL want to see happen. Here are some sex tapes that would be HUGE and make a lot of money…

Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello: Sofia and Joe are the current “It Couple” and let’s face it, we’re all jealous of these two. I mean, being this hot and dating each other should be illegal. The sex tape would be must see though!

Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne: Their relationship didn’t last long because nothing this hot can burn forever. We can be pretty sure that it was intense, sexy and weird. There really isn’t any doubt there’s a sex tape of these two going at it somewhere. Just go ahead and release it ladies.

John McCain and Lindsay Graham: John and Lindsey are the hottest power couple in Washington. They can’t seem to keep their hands off each other! It’s really heartwarming the way they are always there to support and defend each other. That’s the way lovers should be!

The Victoria’s Secret Models: All of them. Naked. Having a big old supermodel orgy. Hey! Some of these for you … Some are for me.

Sarah Palin: All by herself making love to the only person on the face of the Earth she truly loves and cares about.

Abe Vigoda and Betty White: America’s grandpa and America’s sweetheart! This will be the longest sex tape ever because they fall asleep a few minutes in for a long nap then wake up, pee and then finish. It’s very touching.

Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Watson and Jayman: A world famous internet radio star and two of the biggest movie stars in the world in a hot, sexy three-way that obviously never happened and never will. But damn, what a blockbuster this would be, right? The media would never get enough of this one.

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Brotherly Love, Baby!!

Last night, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable…out of my realm…unsure…kinda like I was waiting for
something to happen.

Schmoop was at work; I had nothing meaningful to do, and well…the internet was void of anything exciting upon which to comment.

And then…

My brother Party Marty called (far right).

Marty didn’t have anything going on either…so we talked about crap we did when we were kids, and guess what?  We laughed, and laughed out loud.

And, we talked and laughed for about forty-five minutes.

Let me tell ya…

As far as people here in Bagwine, Ohio, there are but two people who I open up to and leave a conversation out of breath because I have been laughing too loud and for too long…and that is my BFF Schmoop, and my brother, Party Marty.

I am happy…er…happy to exponitiate (it’s a word now)…that I am grateful that I am blessed with at least two people in my hometown that I can not only talk to, but visit via e-mail, phone, or in person, and any time I want to, share a laugh…or a hundred.

Y’know…sometimes we’re not totally unhappy…sometimes we’re not altogether sad…but, when we need a pick-me up of sorts, because we’re bored…Ol’ Party Marty, lead singer of The Dreamboats and friend of the IWS Radio Show, is the man.

He is as hilariously crude in private, and yet, he is reputable and thoughtful in public.  I like that.

I’m not verbally cloistered like that by any means, but I enjoy a sense of  brotherly love and pre-emptive laughter when I hear Marty begin a comment with…

“Matt…Let me tell you what I said the other day…but don’t repeat it.”

Ha.  Schmoop is the same way.

I admit…I am out there on this website and our radio show, and want to make a name for myself and IWS Radio, but Marty and Schmoop?  They want to go through life calmly, nicely, yet anonymously.  (And in my brother’s case…successfully, that bastard)

But anyhoo…

I have to admit, that if I had neither Marty or Schmoop by my side, I would be selling used pencils and erasers at the Beer Mine…

Conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rd, but instead…

Even though they want to go through life anonymously, those two keep me laughin', keep me motivated, and keep me trying to make them laugh, and I know if I can make them laugh...I can make otherwise normal people laugh.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
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