MURICA: FUCK YEAH!!

This week we went on a patriotic little trip on IWS Radio. We wandered the internet superhighways and byways in search of America and we found it. America is inside of all of us. America is in our hearts and minds at all times, right next to Jesus.

It was a different kind of a show this week. Oh sure, it was funny as always. You get Matt-Man and Jayman in the same place and the laughter will be flowing like a river during the rainy season. Minus all the mud, litter and twigs that accumulate when rivers rise. You get the idea though, there were some funny moments. Mostly though I think you could sense the deep, unconditional love we both have for America.

After the usual witty banter we kicked things off with a beautiful rendition of The Star Spangled Banner by Buddy Acapella. From there we talked about what we love most about America, some of our favorite Americans and even people we would be willing to make honorary Americans.

There was some patriotic music during the show also. The song “You’re a Grand Old Flag” from Billy Murray in 1906 brought tears to Jayman’s eyes. Then we all sang along to “Yankee Doodle Dandy” but afterwards there was a discussion about how appropriate that song is for kids.

Slyder Balzcock, Mr Vague and even Senator John McCain joined us to celebrate American in their own way. Along with them we heard from Bobby Kraft, KleeShay Johnson and the Alarmist Weatherman scared the heck out of everyone who thought clear skies and sun wasn’t anything to worry about it.

Then Jamie Mapleleaf called in with some very important information about men’s health. Matt-Man and Jayman both took notes and pledged to do their best to follow her instructions. Schmoop also joined Jamie and Jay to talk about all the slicing and dicing going on at the Deli. Then we wrapped everything up with Matt and Jay’s favorite patriotic song of all time “This Land is Your Land” by Woody Guthrie.

Another EPIC episode of IWS Radio kids! Check it out! Or do you hate America????

                              

                                                

Cut the Crap...It's Time To Celebrate America!!

So, today begins a IWS celebration of our nation’s 238th year of independence.

As he was Ben Franklin’s press secretary, I tried to get Larry King to sit down with me for an eyewitness account of what went down during our nation’s birth.

Unfortunately, Larry King was tied up announcing his retirement from CNN...yet again, which he had done years ago..

Anyhoo, the Fourth of July is fast approaching…

A time to celebrate our country’s origins through backyard barbeques, illegal fireworks, and pissing in one’s own backyard while the burgers cook.

It’s a time for drinking too much beer, and getting a domestic violence assault charge leveled against you as a result of the wife not buying enough Johnsonville Brats.

It is also a time when normally motionless mannequins everywhere, shudder at the thought that they may be used in the latest fireworks safety video.

I do, so love America!!

I spent my day at work yesterday, thinking about something…The Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams (John, not Maud) were the main writers.

Jefferson did the draft. Penis envy laden Adams whined about being one-upped, and Franklin offered revisions while in a drunken, but brilliant stupor.

TJ originally had written that Americans should have, “Life, Liberty, and Property.”

Ben Franklin suggested the famous, “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

That suggestion was accepted after Jefferson initially shot down Franklin’s original idea of having the document read:

“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of air baths, rum, and drunken, buxom wenches between dusk and dawn.”

Ben rocked.

Another little known fact is that while Patrick Henry was not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, the stern, fire and brimstone orator and patriot, had offered up an alternative declaration to King George III.

It read as follows…

“Yo, G-Man, sally forth, and go fuck thyself, you wig wearin‘ bitch. You‘re no King. You‘re a Princess, you girly man, you.”

Sadly, it wasn’t adopted by the Second Continental Congress…Pussies.

Funny thing about Patrick Henry. His quote, “Give me liberty or give me death.” has been edited over the years.

His actual quote was, “Give me liberty, or give me death…and veal. Yeah, give me veal too. It’s so tender.”

Patrick Henry could help topple governments AND appreciate a fine meal. So American!!

It’s all about our independence, baby!!  And….USA advancing in the World Cup of Soccer, is the dessert of putting Piers Morgan and his self-aggrandizing brethren in their place.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

@mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...1776

Matt-Man town cries…Jayman pamphleteers…You, toss Orange Pekoe into Boston Harbor.

Jay:  Hello Schmoop; it’s Jay.
Schmoop:  Hello Jay…Here’s Matt.
Matt: Hi Jayman, how is your evening?
Jay:  Not bad and yours?
Matt:  Pretty Good.

Jay:  I was thinking about this Sunday’s show.
Matt:  And?
Jay:  We should do an American History Show since the 4th of July is fast upon us.
Matt:  That’s a great idea.

Jay:  I thought so.
Matt:  We could talk about our fave founding fathers, least fave Presidents, and fave Commanders-in-Chief.

Jay:  Damn right.  Bobby Kraft could talk about famous battlefields like Pea Ridge.
Matt:  Buddy Acapella could sing our National Anthem.
Jay:  I could talk about many historical things because I’ve been known to turn a bitch.
Matt:  That’s hot.
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  We could also update today’s news.
Jay:  Damn right.  Slyder could give an update on the tragically funny news about Aaron Hernandez.
Matt:  Poor dude.  Had it all, but blew it like a bad tire.
Jay:  Maybe Paul Piatt?  Is he patriotic?
Matt:  More than you think!!

Jay:  Hmmmmmmm…
Matt:  Lot of cookouts coming up this week, maybe Kirk Douglas could give us a weather report.
Jay:  If he’s still alive, he will.

Matt:  Man, our Drunk on History show is going to be great!!
Jay:  I know right!?

Matt:  Hey!?
Jay:  What?
Matt:  Something weird just happened.
Jay:  What’s that?

Matt:  We actually discussed what we are going to do on Sunday’s show.
Jay:  Holy Independence; we actually did!!

Matt:  After nearly three years on the air, are we growing up and becoming mature?
Jay:  Oh Hell No.
Matt:  Why do you say that?
Jay:  Because after nearly 237 years, Congress hasn’t grown up.
Matt and Jay:  Heyyyyyyy-ooooooooo.

Matt:  Annnnnnd Jayman, Angie will be on to discuss the SCOTUS DOMA ruling and Prop 8!!
Jay:  That’s HOT.

Matt: This is going to be a jam packed show.
Jay:  Damn right and I hope people call-in at 661.244.9852
Matt:  Exactly, and listen to us by clicking HERE

Jay:  See you on the radio this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET.
Matt:  And unto you, I say the same….

To catch Jay and Matt LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET you can click HERE.