Hanging Out, Getting Interviewed & Taking Days Off

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! So, this is just a quick post to let you know that there is no post today. Well, okay, there’s a post today, but it’s not regular type post. I’m posting yesterday’s show which was awesome and you should totally listen to it.

We basically just kicked back and shot the breeze for the whole time. Well, for a while we shot the breeze with Bill the Kid down at the Beer Mine. That was pretty exciting. Then at the end of the show we shot the breeze with Mike who didn’t really have anything, but he called in anyway cause Matt yelled at him to and so he could tell is John Goodman story.

We did have a very special Poet’s Corner with Paul Piatt, a reading of some of the top Favstar Tweets by Bobby Kraft and a few live look-ins at Wimbledon.  Aaaaaaaaaand of course there was a Pee Break with Schmoop where she talked about her Staycation!

Other than that we talked about our Fourth of July weeks, Jay’s family being in town including the sweet little doggies. Jay’s trip to Springfield, MO and the Springfield Brewing Company and Bass Pro Shops and Matt’s bitter disappointment that Rally’s was closed on the fourth. And then we talked about lots of other stuff too cause we didn’t have any topic for the show.

Anyway, even without a topic it went pretty smoothly and was actually an above average show. So listen to it DAMMIT! Please.

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Because we’re both very busy men, there won’t be any posts here until Thursday the 11^th of July. Thanks for your cooperation and always remember that you could use the time you would have been reading us to listen to Matt and Jay LIVE over and over and over again.

P.S. On Tuesday July 9^th at 6:30 PM ET Matt and Jay will be the special guests on KatieDGirl Show! She will be interviewing us for about 30 minutes about, uh, stuff. Anyway, if you’d like to listen you can do so RIGHT HERE!

IWS Babe of the Week: Welcome to BabeBerry

Jay and Matt have been busy this week.  Jay had his family in for the week, and Matt had to mentally prepare himself for Schmoop being at home for eleven days while on her work shut down/vacation, so...

That left little, well actually, no time for IWS Radio prep for today's show, so Jay and Matt are just gonna wing it LIVE on the air today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Don't think of it as two guys doing an unprepared 120 minutes of blather, inanity, and sophomoric jokes, rather, think of it as Andy and Barney sitting on Andy's porch after one of Aunt Bee's Sunday dinners, as they reflect and spin the fabric of their American lives in to a quilt of Mayberrian wisdom.

With that being said, and as it is Babe of the Week day here on IWS, let's celebrate some of the hot women of The Andy Griffith Show...

First up to answer the bell, school teacher Helen Crump.  You know she has a stern and sexy side to her, because man, look at the points on those pencils of her's...

Is there anyone in Mayberry cuter than Thelma Lou?  I don't think so.  A bun in the hair never looked so hot!!

Okay, maybe there is somebody cuter in Mayberry than Thelma Lou...Ellie Walker.  That chick could pour a soda and had access to pharmaceuticals!!

Oh yeahhhhhh...Barbara Eden was in one episode.  She came to Mayberry and got a job as a manicurist at Floyd's barber shop.  The men of Mayberry found her too hot to handle so they sent her packing to Cape Canaveral to live with Major Nelson.

And of course, the Queen of Mayberry Hotness...Aunt Bee.  No matter how bad the day was, Aunt Bee was always there at noon with her picnic basket full of fried chicken, and hot love.

So there you go, a little homespun hotness courtesy of the Maids and Maidens of Mayberry.

Join Jay and Matt today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio by clicking below, as they spin their own down home hilarity on Blog Talk Radio.

Jay and Matt LIVE  Today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Matt Said, Jay Said 36-24-36 (ish)

Matt Slurs, Jay Slurs, You have another drink ... 

Matt: Hellooooooo  Jay: I’m not here
Matt: Me neither.
Jay: I’m too busy for this.
Matt: Me too!
Jay: Totally!
Matt: Can’t be bothered.
Jay: Well, not really.
Matt: Yeah, I’ve got time.
Jay: Just not this week.
Matt: Pretending to do family shit?
Jay: Not pretending dude! Family is here.
Matt: Even the dogs?
Jay: The dogs are here and they’ve taken over!
Matt: They’ll take charge of everything if you let them.
Jay: We’ve already let them.
Matt: That’s kind of sad.
Jay: Yeah, but they’re cool dogs.
Matt: Well, that’s okay then.

Matt: How was your Fourth of July?
Jay: Outstanding! Red, White and BBQ!
Matt: God Bless America!
Jay: Hell yeah! How was yours?
Matt: Well, Rally’s was closed.
Jay: What??
Matt: It’s an outrage, isn’t it!?
Jay: They denied good, Christian Americans hamburgers?
Matt: On Independence Day no less!
Jay: Commie Bastards!
Matt: Maybe they should change their name to Khrushchev’s Burgers.
Jay: Hey-OOOOOO!
Matt: Or Ho Chi Minhute Burgers.
Jay: Or Pol Burger Pot!
Matt: Leonid Burgzhev!
Jay: That was good stuff right there.
Matt: No bad.
Jay: Especially for two people who aren’t here.
Matt: Good point.

Jay: So this week’s show? Matt: What about it?
Jay: Got any ideas?
Matt: Well, I was thinking.
Jay: Oh dear.
Matt: No, it’s fine.
Jay: Okay
Matt: We could just wing it!
Jay: We could!
Matt: We’ll just hang out and shoot the breeze.
Jay: We’ll be live without a net!
Matt: Just like a Wallenda.
Jay: Pfft .. We’ll show Wallenda how it’s done.
Matt: We’ll talk about week
Jay: And out All-American 4^th of July activities.
Matt: Yeah, stuff like that.
Jay: And whatever else we think of.
Matt: We’ve got the talent to do it!
Jay: Probably.
Matt: It’ll be HUGE!
Jay: Less prep = better show
Matt: That’s the way it works.
Jay: Okay, we’re ready.
Matt: Always!

Be sure to catch Matt and Jay LIVE this Sunday on I’m With Stupid at 12 Noon ET!

The Hangover Has Struck Like Lightning!!

Hi IWS Radio listeners and readers, Ben Franklin here...

What?  It was America's Birthday yesterday, and now...I have a hangover...of course I do, and I spent the night with Anna Nicole Smith...is that so wrong?


Being Benjamin Franklin, I hope you understandeth...anyhoo...

She was a lightning storm of excitement.  Keep calm and carry on, and remember...

"The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself."


And let me tell ya...Last night?

I was chasing happiness all over the place.  Anna and I had fun...when I finally caught up to her that is,  and man...I am still impressed by the speed of angels.

I never realized that once one was heaven sent, that a big girl could move so damn fast.

But anyway, Anna ate eight brats, and I drank eight kegs, and we enjoyed a symbiotic relationship that I haven't  experienced  since I stuck my patriotic dork inside of Josephine's puff pastry.

Anyhooeth...I am tired.

And since the 4th of July Holiday has probably made you tired as well, you could always listen t o IWS Radio...

They had a great show last Sunday, so give it a listen, it's not going to take away any of your rights by doing so.

Drunk on History 06/30 by IWS Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Well...I have to go...even in Heaven, Anna still needs her drugs, so I have to swing past Jefferson's place and get her hooked up.

Here's to over developed Americans like Anna Nicole Smith...

Benji

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
Matt's Facebook Page

Historical Tweets from Great Americans

Hola and Happy 4^th of July America and everyone who loves America! On this greatest of American holidays, I have put together a list of some of the greatest tweets from some of America’s greatest (and not-so-greatest) political leaders.

@JohnHancock: Just wanted to make sure @KG3 can read THAT!

@PaulRivere: Oh it’s on bitches!

@PaulRivere: Side Note: Ran into Samuel Prescott outside of some chick’s house around 1 am.

Awkwaaaaaaaaaard.

@ArnoldBenedict: Psst … @JohnAndre .. DM me dude.

@G-Wash: Just shucked some Cornwallis. Hey-OOOO!

@DJ-T-Jeffy-Jeff: I’m a father again! Shasquina had her baby today!

@T-Edison: Let there be light! #godcomplex

@DredScott: Tough loss at the SCOTUS today. Bastards will probably kill the VRA next.

@BenFranklin: Ooooooo … I love that tingly feeling.

@OldHickory: Dear South Caronlina: Bring. It. On.  

@USGrant: Beer Thirty Bitches! (recurring tweet)

@SecStateSeward: Whew! What a day! Stick a knife in me, I’m done.  (9 pm on April 14, 1865)

@BullMooseTeddy: Heard that had to butter Big Boy Taft up to get him out the tub. #LOL #TubbyTaft

@DrPrezWilson: Mmmmrph .. Urrrr … buhhhhhh *drools*

@GenJohnPershing: AEF = After England Failed … LOL

@SilentCal: Hello 

*four years later* @SilentCal: Goodbye

@FDR: Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

@GenD-Mac: *Best Ahnold voice* I’ll be back! 

@HSTruman: Yo @D-Mac *best @RealDonaldTrump voice* You’re Fired!

@JFK: I need this trip to Dallas like I need a hole in my head.

@TrickyDicky: This tweet is not intended to be an alibi. (Late night on June 17, 1982)

@JC_Smiles: Feeling a bit of a malaise setting in tonight. I like that word “malaise.”

@DutchReagan: There you go again!

@SlickWillie: What a mess!! But it feels so good.

@Shrub: STRATEGERY BITCHES!

@Barry_O: I’m watching yooooooooo!

As you can see, Twitter has been a great tool for Presidents and other historical figures over the years.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Lafayette, We Are Here; So Let's Cook-Out!!

Bon Matin, Accueil, and Hello!!

I am the official French griller and cooker-outer for IWS Radio, Char'coal Bri'quet here for IWS Radio on this very fine, pre-Independence Day Eve..

Allow my Gallic self to tell you in your own boorish language…

My rocks are hot, and I can’t wait to flame up an American Independence Day soiree for you.  Viva la Lafayette; here’s to the defeat of Cornwallis at Yorktown, and the smiting of his culinary penchant for gruel and haggis!!

Which on its face, was very troubling in itself, but even more so, because of instead of serving red wine with swine innards, Cornwallis served mead.

Sérieusement?  Oui, and Sérieusement…Oh, the gaucheness of it all!!  Anyhoo…

Let me, or should I say, “allow” me to say, while you enjoy your, “chien chaud” upon the grill, do it in such a way that the processed skin and fillers of said, “chien chaud” crisp up, and maximize their potential artificial juices.

I know that you Americans love your Hot Dogs, but in order to be kind to dogs, be they hot or any other breed, allow them to be all that they can be.

The hot dogs that you are so fond of will live for minutes beyond their shelf life, and you will enjoy a nice crisp bite, while at the same time, savor their genetically-altered juices.

Place them so that they may receive the maximum grill marks.  Allow them to cook perching perpendicular upon either the Y or X-Axis of the grill!!  Do this not, and you will rue the day that you ate a limp hot dog with no cool burn marks worthy of Avignon!!

As for the Dachau-Like, hand-beaten, Nazi-Jack Booted, kicked in the ass, lump of meat that you call hamburgers?

Fry em’!!  Fry them hard, fast and nasty.  It is cow meat, a stupid animal that just sits there, grazes, and says to itself…

“I better eat some more hay, so I will become a better burger.”

Who the Hell does that!?  Cows…American Cows, that’s who…er…Cows…any cow…American, or otherwise.  Hell, they don’t know their fate growing up…They’re stupid, and well, they’re cows, so that explains it, but as a Frenchman, I have to say…

Even though the hamburger (uuch) is round, it stills needs to be cooked perpendicularly.  If not?  The grill marks will be straight, and the burger will look like…well…

A round piece of meat with straight lines upon it.

And you know what?  When I think of that, I can only think of the way my great-grandfather described the look on Mussolini’s face when he was hung in 1943.

Saint Enfant Jésus, and Oy Vay!!

Anyway…Keep your grill hot and haute, and always, sprinkle it with oil…This is your Number One Summertime French Guy saying…

Bon Voyage and Happy Grill'age!!

Char'coal Bri'quet

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

CNN Brings Back Crossfire!

Hola and welcome political junkies to CNN’s new/old show Crossfire! That’s right, CNN has brought back one of its greatest political shows with all new hosts and they promise lots of sparks! On the right we have Disgraced Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and sexy conservative S. E. Cupp, and on the left we have Van Jones and Stephanie Cutter. Below is a transcript of their first show…

Newt: Excuse me? First the “Hola” crap and then “disgraced?” You better watch yourself or you’ll be looking for a new job buddy!

S.E. Cupp: Whatever Newt.

Stephanie Cutter: *rolls eyes*

Van Jones: Lighten up Francis.

Newt: My name isn’t Francis.

S.E: I think it was a joke Newt.

Van: It was a reference to the movie “Stripes”

Stephanie: Yeah, you know? Bill Murray?

Newt: Lame pop culture references to lowbrow 70’s comedies will not be tolerated Van, even though that isn’t your REAL name.

Van: Is this how we’re gonna start things?

Newt: How did you get the name “Van?” Is it in reference to your being conceived in the back of a van during a “hey sailor if you’ve got the money, I’ve got the time” situation?  

S.E: Hey-OOOOOOO

Stephanie: SHOTS FIRED!

Newt: What? I’m unarmed!

Van: Well, you’re unarmed intellectually anyway.

Stephanie: *giggle*

S.E: Nice!

Newt: Okay, now that we have all the pleasantries out of the way, let’s get busy.

S.E: I love to get busy.

Stephanie: Me too!

Van and Newt: That’s hot!

Newt: Okay, DOMA and Prop 8 rulings. Obviously, a disaster. The Supreme Court is on its way to morally bankrupting this country.

Stephanie: I really don’t think so. It’s all about basic human rights and human dignity.

S.E: I’m gonna have to agree with Stephanie on this one Newt.

Newt: Of course you will. You probably wanna do her.

S. E: What?

Newt: Well, with a rack like yours, I’m sure lesbians hit on you all the time.

Stephanie: I know I would if I were a lesbian.

S.E: This is highly inappropriate and won’t tolerate it. Back me up here Van.

Van: It is inappropriate, but also relevant to my interests, ifyouknowwhatImean?

Newt: Anyway, gay marriage invalidates straight marriage. Straight marriage loses all real meaning when gays get married, right?

Stephanie: Nope

Van: I don’t think so Newtster.

S.E: Not really.

Newt: Well it ruined all of mine!

S.E: How so?

Newt: Every time gay marriage becomes an issue, one of my marriages falls apart.

Stephanie: I thought your cheating ruined your marriages?

Newt: Gay marriage is immoral, so just discussing it makes me do immoral things.

S.E: Really?

Van: Well, Callista must be as nervous as Paula Deen riding the express elevator with The Pips then!

Stephanie: Hey-OOOOOOOOO!

S.E: LOL! *Hi-5’s Van*

Newt: You know what? Let’s just call it a day for our first show and maybe CNN could find some people on my intellectual level?

Van: Great idea Newtie-Poo. My car is out front, who wants to go get a drink?

S.E: I’m in!

Stephanie: Shotgun!

Newt: *sniff, sniff*

Van: Aww … It’s okay Newt. You can come too!

Newt: Really? Gee thanks!!!

Van: Just try not to be an asshole.

Newt: That’s kind of hurtful but okay. Hey! Can we pretend you’re my chauffeur?

Van: Don’t push it.

Newt: Okay.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS