Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! It’s time for more headlines!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
LeBron James says he belongs on the Mt. Rushmore of the NBA. When asked where it is replies “Damn, I don’t know … Colorado?”
CDC says 2,739 American women have injured themselves trying to dace like Beyoncé did at the Grammy’s.
President Obama laughs uncontrollably as he can’t stop making “short jokes” at Vladimir Putin’s expense.
NFL prospect Michael Sam clarifies his announcement that he’s gay: “I’m more ‘Rock Hudson’ gay, not ‘Johnny Weir’ gay.
Pope Francis says it’s important to love the homeless. Homeless say that’s nice but “we can’t buy 211’s with love, man.”
Men’s Doubles Luge outlawed in Kansas.
Ted Cruz demands to know if Obama pronounces it “tomato” or “tomahto” before committing to one side or the other.
In shocking development, talk radio caller remembers to turn down his radio first.
Area woman is sick and tired of men with “scruffy beards.”
Sad, lonely man puts up a good front pretending not to care about Valentine’s Day.
Male prostitute uses hidden shotgun in the headboard trick to rob johns.
Rand Paul missed the debt ceiling vote because we out trying to find the perfect Valentine’s Day gift to give himself.
President Obama still angry over not winning any southern states in 2012 orders up a series of winter storms as punishment.
Americans intrigued by Olympic Curling say it could become popular here if it can be made more violent.
Arkansas County Quorum Court finds laws to be too confusing so everyone just goes home.
CNN gets into the scripted show business because nobody gives a shit about the news anyway.
Amanda Knox turns down sweet job offer as tour guide for Perillo Tours of Italy.
Comcast and Time Warner Cable agree to a merger promise half the service and quality with twice the shittiness.
New Yorkers angry that Mayor de Blasio didn’t order schools closed during snowstorm. De Blasio replies “Who knew Al Roker would be right?”
Facebook announces users will have 50 gender options. “Other” not one of them.
2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to be delivered with some pages “pre-stuck together.”
Area man can’t explain why he finds curling so damn fascinating, he just does.
Okay, that’s enough.
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