Showing posts with label Amanda Knox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Amanda Knox. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

What Does Your Dark Passenger Tell You?

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I’m just about to wrap up season five of “Dexter” on Netflix. It’s a great show and I’m enjoying it a lot. I’m really amazed and maybe slightly worried by how much I identify with Dexter. Oh, not the serial killer part (much) but with his social awkwardness and how he can barely function in society in general and his “dark passenger.”


We all have secrets. We all have parts of our lives we don’t let people in on. Some people just lay it all out there for everyone, but most of us don’t. We all also have a “dark passenger” (who should not be confused with an imaginary friend). This passenger is basically our conscience or alter ego or just that little voice inside our heads that says things like “have you thought about the consequences of hitting ‘publish’ on this status update/comment/reply?”  Okay, again some people don’t have that voice in their heads. Most of do though.

Dexter’s dark passenger helps him in his role as a serial killer. The passenger takes on the physical look of his adoptive father Harry Morgan, but he’s imaginary cause Harry is dead. Unfortunately, not all dark passengers act as someone’s conscience. Sometimes they say things like “Dude! You should totally have sex with your girlfriend’s mother, aunt and sister. When are you going to get a chance like this again in life?” Mostly though your dark passenger helps you work through life’s problems by allowing you to imagine how you might take people out or solve situations if it didn’t result in going to prison.  

Like say the guy down at the bread shop is a total jerk and says something really rude to a little girl. You can’t just kick his ass, but wouldn’t it be awesome if he tripped and fell while rolling a big rack of bread into a walk-in oven? And when he tripped it would just enough to make the door shut and auto-lock behind him? Dude would be crispy bits in 17 minutes.


Maybe you have a coworker who one of those busy-bodies who is always up in everyone’s business. Don’t you hate those people? Wouldn’t it be satisfying if one day when they sat down at their desk after making the rounds gossiping and snooping they realized their computer was off? So, they pushed the power button and BOOM!

How ‘bout if you had another coworker who was just an absolute dog? Wouldn’t it be awesome if he was putting together a crate to ship something out in and was using the old nail gun that jammed all the time? And, when it jammed he would try to unjam it and the thing went off like 47 times right into his face and chest? Something like that would be a little messy, but very satisfying.

Honestly, how hard would it be to kill someone? What percentages of murders are actually solved in America? If you’re really careful and take time to prepare and always follow the rules (or “code” as Dexter calls it) how likely would you be to get away with it? The examples above seem like the kinds of things you would have trouble getting way with because the company would have security cameras and all those busy-body employees monitoring you movements.


The real problem is how much time and effort it would take to be successful. You’d have to plan it all about and stalk them without being noticed. You would have to time everything perfectly. You wouldn’t have time to hang out on Twitter or Facebook or host a highly-acclaimed, award-winning internet radio show. Yeah, it’s totally not worth it. Probably not.



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Funny Headlines Have Returned Yet Again!

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! It’s time for more headlines!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

LeBron James says he belongs on the Mt. Rushmore of the NBA. When asked where it is replies “Damn, I don’t know … Colorado?”

CDC says 2,739 American women have injured themselves trying to dace like BeyoncĂ© did at the Grammy’s.

President Obama laughs uncontrollably as he can’t stop making “short jokes” at Vladimir Putin’s expense.

NFL prospect Michael Sam clarifies his announcement that he’s gay: “I’m more ‘Rock Hudson’ gay, not ‘Johnny Weir’ gay.

Pope Francis says it’s important to love the homeless. Homeless say that’s nice but “we can’t buy 211’s with love, man.”

Men’s Doubles Luge outlawed in Kansas.


Ted Cruz demands to know if Obama pronounces it “tomato” or “tomahto” before committing to one side or the other.

In shocking development, talk radio caller remembers to turn down his radio first.

Area woman is sick and tired of men with “scruffy beards.”

Sad, lonely man puts up a good front pretending not to care about Valentine’s Day.

Male prostitute uses hidden shotgun in the headboard trick to rob johns.


Rand Paul missed the debt ceiling vote because we out trying to find the perfect Valentine’s Day gift to give himself.

President Obama still angry over not winning any southern states in 2012 orders up a series of winter storms as punishment.

Americans intrigued by Olympic Curling say it could become popular here if it can be made more violent.

Arkansas County Quorum Court finds laws to be too confusing so everyone just goes home.

CNN gets into the scripted show business because nobody gives a shit about the news anyway.

Amanda Knox turns down sweet job offer as tour guide for Perillo Tours of Italy.


Comcast and Time Warner Cable agree to a merger promise half the service and quality with twice the shittiness.

New Yorkers angry that Mayor de Blasio didn’t order schools closed during snowstorm. De Blasio replies “Who knew Al Roker would be right?”

Facebook announces users will have 50 gender options. “Other” not one of them.

2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to be delivered with some pages “pre-stuck together.”

Area man can’t explain why he finds curling so damn fascinating, he just does.



Okay, that’s enough.