Robin Thicke Defends Miley Cyrus

Hey Hey Hey bitches! Heir to Hollywood Royalty, singer, performer, ladies’ man, sexual dynamo and possessor or a Hood Pass, Robin Thicke here. Please, stop throwing your moist panties at your computer while reading my sexy words on this here blog. Save them for the genii behind the IWS Entertainment Empire, Matt-Man and Jayman. No need to thank me guys, I have plenty of hot sexy groupies to share a couple with lesser men like you guys. Of course, all men are lesser to me.

I wanted a place where I could defend Miley Cyrus from all the unfair and outrageous attacks on her stemming from her, uh, I mean our performance on the VMAs. Well, really it was HER performance that people are upset over.  I haven’t gotten any flack at all.

See folks, Miley didn’t want to do such a raunchy performance. She wanted to do a traditional performance where she got up there on stage in a tasteful, yet sexy dress and sang with me. Basically she wanted to be the pure and innocent lady she is. But, what I can I say? A couple of minutes into rehearsal with me and the clothes were coming off. Happens all the time to me! I’m serious …

- When I was six Jazmine Johnson wanted begged me to sit on my lap and for me to hold her while we went down the slide at the playground.

- When I was nine I was standing behind Shanice Jordan waiting for my turn at the pencil sharpener when Shanice asked me to stand really close behind her and crank the pencil sharpener for her.

- When I was fourteen my dad’s costar on “Growing Pains” Johanna Kerns told me she wanted to learn to play golf and asked if I would get behind her and put my arms around her and teach her to swing.

- When I was seventeen my photography teacher Mrs. Stone asked me to help her in the dark room and after the lights when out she started “accidentally” bumping my crotch with her phat ass.

Shit like this has happened to me all my life. I don’t do anything to bring these situations on. I’m naturally so damn sexy that women throw themselves at me. I start singing my special brand of white guy hip-hop and the next thing I know girls are dancing with me and grinding on me and telling me they want to do all kinds of nasty things to me.  

Same thing happened to me in my video for my Summer Rape Anthem “Blurred Lines.” I’m singing along with track, trying to make a nice video for everyone out there to enjoy and damned if Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t get all naked and start grinding all over me! It’s crazy y’all!

So I think you can all see how this isn’t Miley’s fault. It isn’t really my fault either. Not that anyone has said it was my fault in any way. It’s kind of cool how all the blame is being put on the bitch girl. The blame lies with this damn out of control sexiness and animal magnetism I have. I start out trying to just do a straight up duet with someone on the VMAs and before I know it I look down and some 20 year old hottie is in her bra and very moist panties grinding her bony little ass against my 36 year old Thicke Stick™ while I’m innocently singing “I know you want it …. I know you want it … I know you want it …”

Honestly? I wish I could stop it. I wish I wasn’t this damn sexy. I wish every woman didn’t want me so badly. But, this is the way God made me and I just have to live with it. I promise to use my sexy powers only for good though. Sure, I’ve turned a few lesbos straight in my day, but no more. I promise. It’s just not right.

Oh one other thing.  Mika Brzezinski, call me baby. I’ll loosen you up sexy lady.

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I AM Miley Cyrus!!

Cheeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

Well, unless you live under a rock, or are a person of Amish persuasion who is without a radio, television, or internet access, you know that the American media, parental groups, and holier-than-thou types are in full-throttle and five-speed overdrive, OUTRAGE mode.

It seems that the once winsome Disney studio star of Hannah Montana, twenty year old Miley Cyrus, twerked and worked her wares upon a growing pain inside the pants of thirty-six year old Robin Thicke during a live performance, on this past Sunday’s VMA awards show on MTV.

Monday morning as I watched the early morning talk shows, my hangover was cursed by the sound of Morning Joe’s Mika Brzezinski, who upon seeing the video, said things like…

"She is a mess. Someone needs to take care of her."  Annnnnd….

"That was disgusting and embarrassing."  Annnnnd of course this…

"That young lady, who is 20, is obviously deeply troubled, deeply disturbed...probably has an eating disorder."

I felt helpless as I lay there listening to that nattering nabob of Williams College educated, sexist, social piety, Ms. Mika “Pass Me the Vodka and Another Ambien” Brzezinski point out what she feels to be flaws in Miley’s character, and weaknesses in her emotional, physical, and psychological make-up.

Others in the media piled on poor Miley, and on Tuesday, Mika, Joe Scarborough, and the Parents Television Council said that advertisers must forgo MTV and person or persons at the network, should be fired.

Oh…My God…Such outrage over a little song and dance.  I haven’t seen this much outrage since millions of American children were victimized by Janet Jackson’s booby popping out during the Super Bowl a few years ago.

Here’s the thing…I know Miley Cyrus, because I AM Miley Cyrus.

I could have been Miley a few years back when I began my first blog.  If I had a daughter?  She would have looked like Miley Cyrus.

Seven years ago, I started my first blog.  At first, it was like working for Disney.  I was sweet, cute, affable, and many folks called me Matty.

And then…a couple of years into it, I knew it was time to fly.  Time to grow my wings, and become a seasoned and grown-up version of my blogging self.  So…

I began posting pictures likes this…

And this…

And in keeping with animal twerking like Miley’s Teddy Bear sexcapade, pictures like this…

Much like the burgeoning and longing for adult type performing for which Miley has yearned, I too felt the need to grow and become more adult and cutting edge in my blogging.  It’s a natural progression.  Oh sure, she did so at the age of 20, and I at the age of 43 or 44, but still…you get my point.

Mika Brzezinski claims that Miley Cyrus is disturbed, a mess, and probably suffers from an eating disorder because Mika’s emotional displacement tells her to say that.

Me?

I just say that Miley Cyrus and I are kindred spirits wanting to grow as people.

In fact, I say unto you now…

While early in my blogging career I could have been referred to as Hannah Mattana, I AM Miley Cyrus now, and perhaps in a small way, each and everyone of us are...ALL Miley Cyrus.

Stand firmly behind sweet Miley Cyrus, and don’t allow the OUTRAGE Police to throw her in jail!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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