America's Best Fast Food Restaurants

Last Thursday, upon these hailed and hallowed pages of the IWS website, Jayman listed his fifteen favorite fast food spots.  As I am still hung-over twenty-four hours after the end of my election night bender, I shall do the same, however…

As I truly am hung-over as I type this, I am going to list but the mere top ten of my favorite deliciously greasy fast food joints…

10. Culver’s…Culver’s Butter Burgers are simply da bomb.  They are not huge.  They don’t look special in any form nor fashion, but whatever the hell they season their meat with is addictive.  The only reason I place them as low as #10 is because there isn’t one within drunk driving distance of my home.

9.  Subway…Subway is quick and offers plenty of options, but there are a lot of questionable hands fingering my toppings and while delicious, the grease factor is sub-standard.

8.  Waffle House…While it is actually a sit down restaurant, the ambience in each and every one screams fast food denoted by the fact that damn near every Waffle House store sign has at least one light burned out. Cover me, smother me, and slap my drunk ass with a handful of bacon grease.  Waf*le H*use is awesome!!

7.  Wendy’s…Some of the freshest and greasiest burgers around.  Love me a Wendy’s triple with cheese, mustard and pickles.  It’s a beautiful thing but the price tag for said heart attack on a bun? Well let’s just say that nowadays, Wendy’s should offer financing on their meals.

6.  Steak n Shake…Great burgers, good fries, and prices are not bad.  And if you are nursing a morning after hang-over, they have offer a pretty damn good breakfast menu.

5.  McDonald’s…Filet O’ Fish, Big Mac, Double Cheeseburger, and fries that are always tasty, I love me some Mickey D’s.  Much like Wendy’s they too have gotten a bit pricier over the years as far as fast food goes, but I am still a fan of the clown food.

4.  Hardee’s…As a former employee of Hardee’s during my High School years, I came to love Hardee’s. From the Monster Thickburger to their newest Mile High Bacon Whatever or Mushroom ’n’ Swiss monstrosity, Hardee’s consistently proves that size (and greasiness) matters.

3.  Taco Bell…What the hell is not to like?  For Godssakes…Soft tortillas ensconcing ground meat, cheese, and sour cream.  A hard shell hugging ground meat, cheese, and sour cream. Burritos, tacos, enchiladas, are all fun and tasty words to say…especially when drunk!!

2.  Rally’s…As their commercials say, “Ya Gotta Eat.”  I go to Rally’s at least twice a month and they are by far the biggest bang for the buck fast food destination in the land.  Huge juicy burgers that go for 2 for $3 or 2 for $4 and the world’s best seasoned fries.  And the wait in line…Quickest fast food Drive-Thru bar none.

1.  White Castle…A suitcase of White Castle cheeseburgers with onion and pickle and a gross of onion chips and I am in heaven.  Those little sliders are chock full of taste and colon cleansing powers to the nth degree. Sure the don’t call them Belly Bombers for nothing, but man…Drunk, sober, or on death row, they sure as hell taste great going down.

So there you have it…My fave fast food places on Earth.  Try some of them out this weekend and tell em’ Matt-Man sent ya.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me
Friend Me On Facebook

Ranking the Best Fast Food Restaurants

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa foodies! You know, I try not to do fast food too often. It’s not healthy, overpriced and often times unsatisfying. Sometimes though it’s EXACTLY what I need. If you’re really craving something you gotta just feed that craving. So, here are the best fast food places according to Jayman …

15: Cracker Barrel: Okay, so not strictly a fast food joint, but still cheap eats and they have carry out. Plus, if you’re ever just feeling kind of down and lonely and want some comfort food, CB’s meatloaf and mashed potatoes will make you feel better. (Or chicken fried steak.)

14: Waffle House: Serious drunk food here. Steaks, burgers, hash browns, grilled cheese or just get breakfast anytime. It all sticks to your ribs. Also, hit on the waitress, you might get lucky.  

13: Papa Murphy’s Pizza: This is the best Take-and-Bake pizza I’ve had. They put plenty of ingredients on there and aren’t that expensive. They also put a decent amount of sauce on the pizza which is important.

12: Burger King: I really like their burgers. Nothing else though. Only problem is BK is expensive and it’s kind of an outrage.

11: Denny’s: Again, not really a fast food place, but my favorite breakfast by far. A Denny’s Grand Slam is a great way to start the day. Also, good late night foods if you’ve been out and are starving and have enough money to go somewhere other than Waffle House.

10: Sonic: Mostly for their shakes and slushes. Cherry is my favorite slush. They also have good popcorn chicken and great tater tots.

09: Whataburger: Seriously good burgers and fries.

08: Wienerschnitzle: Sometimes you have to just throw caution to the wind and go get a big-ass hot dog.

07: Famous Dave’s BBQ: Only BBQ I’ll get from a chain. Good burgers too.

06: Steak and Shake: Really great shakes! Steak burgers are very good too.

05: Five Guys Burgers: Just awesome. Love everything about their burgers and their fries are the very best fries of any fast food joint in the world.

04: Taco Cabana: Best burritos I’ve ever had from a fast food place or fancy Mexican or Tex-Mex restaurant. Also, really damn good margaritas. I used to go there and get two burritos and two margaritas at the drive through. I hoped they thought the other burrito and margarita were for someone else.

03: Pizza Hut: Thin crust pepperoni pizza with extra sauce is my go-to pizza. It’s consistently good and satisfying.

02: Subway: My favorite sandwich place. I usually get an Italian BMT w/ bacon. Sometimes I get a Subway Melt. Other times I get a cold cut combo. Lots of options! Whichever sandwich I choose I’ll have them toast it and then put pickles and salt and pepper on it only. When I get it home I will put mustard on it myself. They are a little heavy handed with the mustard. Also, their cookies are yummy.

01: Taco Bell: Granted, I had Taco Bell right before writing this, so I’m under the influence. But, as I said on Facebook, there is no way ….. NO WAY … that crack can be as addictive as Taco Bell. I usually play it straight and get a couple of tacos and a bean burrito. I’ve lots of other items from their menu and have almost never been disappointed. As a bonus, Taco Bell is also the very best drunk food ever created. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been drinking either. Beer, wine, liquor … it all goes great with Taco Bell!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Friend me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

My Life as a Winner

Hola winners and losers! Monday afternoon I was just hanging out, minding my own business when I heard a knock on the door. It was the FedEx delivery guy with a package from Random House. I was perplexed because I hadn’t order a book, but when I opened the package I realized what had happened.

A few weeks ago I had signed up through Facebook for a chance to win an advance copy of Bill Bryson’s “One Summer: America, 1927.”  I’m a HUGE Bill Bryson fan so I made sure to point out on the entry form that I not only wrote for a blog, but I co-host the #1 comedy show on BTR. My clever plan worked and I won!!!

After I got the book it suddenly hit me that I have a long history of winning when it comes to drawings…

In third grade I won a goldfish at the Halloween carnival at school. I don’t remember if I named him/her but when I got home I put him/her in a big glass bowl filled with water. In the morning the fish was dead. Poor thing was probably old and died of natural causes in his/her sleep. Over the years I’ve considered getting another goldfish but decided against it because the pain of losing old whatshis/hername was just too much. That and goldfish don’t cuddle with ya.

My sophomore year of high school I won a prize at a football game. They would draw numbers and if any of those numbers matched the one on the program you had you won. Well, my number was called and I won a big wool blanket. Unfortunately it was sooooooo damn itchy that I ended up never using it and finally throwing it out.

During my senior year Dr. Pepper was running a promotion where some lucky people who bought a 12 oz can from a vending machine got a t-shirt and .50 to get another Dr. Pepper. So, one day I gave it a whirl and TA-DA! I won the t-shirt. Sadly, it was a size small so I gave it to Cheri Curtis who was a sexy little thang. I didn’t get anything more than a “thanks” from her though so I was hardly worth it.

When I was in college I actually won a truck from Don Nelms Chevrolet! Well, it was a 20 year old truck that was really beat up and wouldn’t start. They finally got it started for me and it turned out it was one of those old “three on a tree” standard shift trucks. I almost got killed trying to drive home. I sold it for $300 but it cost me $200 to get it registered and shit. Wasn’t worth it.

After the truck though my luck improved… 

At an old job once I won a drawing among all the people who had perfect attendance for a 90 day period. I won a $10 gift card to Taco Bell. Oh yeah! Tacos were only .40 cents in those days so that worked out great!

The “Friends of the Library” held a drawing a few years ago and I won a really sweet roadside emergency kit. It has tools, gloves, a flashlight, battery charger, jumper cables and those little orange triangle things to place on the road to warn motorists of a car on the shoulder. I’m convinced my having this thing in the truck is the reason I haven’t been stranded on the side of the road lately.

On top of all that, now I win the latest book by one of my favorite authors. Dam, things really are looking up for me. I think I’ll start buying lottery tickets.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

In other news we were all treated to our first ever Canada Report last Sunday on IWS Radio. Jamie from the Hammer is our Canadian Correspondent and she was AWESOME so you should totally check it out...