IWS Coffee Mugs, Bringin' The January Thaw

January is such a cold, gloomy, and boring month that it always helps if people can help brighten the day and pick up the spirits of others as we forge that long trail through the long gruesome month of January.

And folks, we here at IWS Radio have in small increments, been able to shed some flickers of sunlight upon a handful of people wallowing in the gray cast of the winter.  And how have we done that, you ask?

Through the joy of IWS Radio coffee mugs!!

That’s Right!!  We have been sending IWS Radio mugs to loyal listeners and contributors throughout the world.

And let me tell ya, it hasn’t been painless.  When I sent a set of mugs down to Jayman in our Arkansas office, a couple of the collectibles arrived with broken handles…

Very sad…And when Jayman sent a mug to the lovely, rusty sandwich lovin’ Cracker, the hole in the bottom of the mug left her feeling empty…

But fear not, Jayman sent her another one that was solid as a rock.  That’s how we roll here at IWS Radio.

My second, third, and fourth attempts went off without a hitch.  No broken handle this go around.  The mug I shipped to the acerbic Jesse Ferg found its way to him one glorious piece…

The mug I sent to Tamra, who is the leading cause of nocturnal emissions of the IWS staff, arrived safely and was quickly embraced within her soft and loving...um...hands…

Lastly, and while I have no pictures…I received a phone call yesterday at the Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rd. in Bagwine, Ohio.) that the sexiest Canadian to have ever roamed the earth and our IWS Canadian Bureau Chief Miss Jamie Mapleleaf, received her mugs in the same state that they left Ohio…in one piece.

A few more mugs have been or soon will be sent out to places such as California and Texas, so dig it…Our January IWS warmth is already tangible in six states and one province of Canada.   We are spreading the joy!! And…

We have been rewarded for our efforts.  While always in the top five in the Comedy ratings on BTR, yesterday our January 11th show hit Numero Uno on BTR.  That hasn’t happened in quite awhile.

So to all of you…Thanks for continuing to listen, for helping us out, and simply for being our friends.  And remember folks, these collectible coffee mugs won’t last forever so punch your ticket for one by joining the IWS Radio Looooooooove Train!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me Up
Facebook My Face

Postcards From the Middle of January

Cheers Chuckleheads.  You know what happens today at Noon?

At Noon today, we will be smack dab in the middle of the month of January.

Smack dab, I tell ya.  And you know what else I say unto you?

January sucks!!

You know how bad January sucks, at least here in Ohio?

If you took the self-denial and sexual repression of Marcus Bachmann, stirred in the hate of Ann Coulter, blended it with a modicum of Barack Obama’s lack of a backbone, and gave it just a hint of the smell of Chris Christie’s asshole, then?

You would know what the middle of January in Ohio is like.

As I said…It sucks.

If January was an animal, it would be a donkey.

A big, gray, uncaring donkey with big, cold, steely donkey balls.  And every time the wind blows, which is often in January, those big donkey balls would smack one upside the head leaving nothing but heartache upon one’s soul, and testicular indentations upon one’s face.

January loves no one.  January feels for no one.  January is a cold, selfish bitch, and I am glad we are now halfway done with her, because the bitch that is January, cannot die soon enough.

January is the desert of the four winter months.  A desert of a month that contains no oasis, and holds no hope.

See, as far as three of the four winter months…

December ushers in the winter , but also the joy of the holidays.  February gives us Super Bowl parties, the love of Valentine’s Day, and the teasing of the warmer March spring to follow in but a couple of weeks, and when we do hit March, St. Patrick’s Day gives a joyous shout out to all in the form green beer and red mercury on the rise.

January?  What the hell does January give us?

A hangover on New Year’s Day.  Over-Hyped College Bowl Games.  Snow. Wind. Gray Skies, and as an exclamation point atop its rudeness…

January provides us all with our W-2 Income Tax Form, which puts into print and to the dollar and decimal point, just how insignificant and worthless we truly are.

January is a reminder that no matter how bad things were the last eleven months, they can always get worse, and do…at least for the thirty-one days during which she has her way.

January is many things…a hateful ex-wife…an IRS auditor…Dan Dierdorf…and the lack of joy and excitement inside of  Mika Brzezinski’s bedroom, all rolled into one insufferable month, but?

We are now a mere two weeks away from February…

A month that holds not only great Super Bowl party food, Cupid, and the birthday of yours truly, but the hope that spring will once again spring eternally, and on schedule as well.

So, and in summation…January blows donkey dicks, and its donkey balls, but there is hope, and…

It is always better to believe in the light of February rather than curse the donkey balls that are January.

Or something like that…however one puts it…January Sucks.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page