Improvising, Adapting and Overcoming

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! Hey look! It’s me! Jayman writing a blog post! I’m typing it up in MS Word first, and then I’ll upload it so that I can keep the misspelled words to a minimum. You know where I’m NOT typing though? Oh my laptop! Why? Because the computer fix-it people still have my laptop, that’s why!

Yes, it has been almost three weeks since I took it in to them, why do you ask? Three freaking weeks people! I called them this afternoon and in a friendly and understanding way asked them if my laptop was ready. “Well you see, wha … wha … what happened was the new motherboard didn’t come in until today” was their answer. Where the hell did they have to order it from? Was it custom made by slave labor in a factory in the Far East? Was in originally shipped on MH370 and then had to be replaced? I’m not paying for it twice!

Anyway, I have been patiently waiting for the return of my laptop for almost three weeks and I guess I will have to wait for another day or two. What the hell, right? I don’t even remember what it looks like now. If they asked me to come down there and pick it out of a lineup I might not be able to do it. Well, unless I was allowed to turn each one on and check them out. Mine is the one with the extensive Miley Cyrus music and picture collection.

Sorry, I couldn’t put up a pic of Miley after that last paragraph because I’m still observing the “no gratuitous pics of hot babes” Lent pledge we made. I reject that I violated that pledge with the pics of Andrea Corr or Dolores O’Riorden on Sunday because that was the “Person of the Week” post and dammit, if you’re picking favorite Irish people those two go on the list! Also, pics of Michelle Obama and Sheryl Sandberg in my “bossy” post last week were okay because they were relevant to the post and they’re not that hot.

Wait! Under those rules a pic of Miley would have been fine, right?  A pic of her would be relevant to the post since she was mentioned in a totally truthful manner. That really is the legit way I might have to identify my laptop. Granted, unlike Sheryl and Michelle, Miley is super damn hot, but that’s not her fault.

Okay, everything I said in the previous paragraph was a complete fucking lie. I’m very ashamed of myself. I should have given up lying for Lent. Eh, nobody could do that. Besides, I don’t really lie. I just say things that obviously absurd that nobody could possibly believe yet somehow you people do anyway. Don’t you feel silly? No? Well you should be. I think. Whatever.

Yeah, I really don’t know where I’m going with this. I’ve been drinking. Okay, I’m lying again. I haven’t been drinking. Not today anyway. I drank Sunday though. That Jameson was smooooooth! Damn I love that stuff. That’s why I don’t buy it very often. I drink it down pretty easily and don’t get hangovers with it. You gotta have a damn good amount of Irish in ya to pull that off!

Like I was saying though, my laptop has been gone for a long time and I miss it. It just messes everything up not to have it. Sure, I’ve got my Galaxy Tablet and I can use the Jaymom’s desktop when I need to, but I’m still all discombobulated. I was used to my laptop. My laptop was used to me. We were a team dammit and God willing we will be again soon. Maybe.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Friend me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

A Long and Difficult Monday

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, my buddy Matt-Man has had to shovel a couple of tons of snow every day down at the Beer Mine. It looks pretty brutal and I guarantee you I wouldn’t do it. I try to have sympathy for Matt and all that shoveling, but it’s tough to when I’m dealing with all the shit that’s going on here.

Oh sure it was 63 degrees and sunny today. And I got to spend the day watching all the fallout of the “Richard Sherman is a Big Scary Black Man” incident after the NFC Championship game last night. And then there are the general “Damn it’s nice to be a white male in America” benefits that I enjoy daily. But, that doesn’t mean it was all sunshine, rainbows and Popsicles. In fact, it was kind of a rough day.

It started with me having to take my laptop in for service. Poor little fella! On Friday night I closed it and it went to sleep as usual, but then on Saturday morning it didn’t wake up. The computer was running, but the screen was black. I turned it off and back on and could hear the computer humming away, but the screen was still black.

I’m hoping it’s not anything too major. Like, maybe it’s just a little wire that broke or a switch that failed. I don’t know why I’m hoping that though cause nothing in my life up to this point has given me any reason to be positive or hopeful about just about anything. What really bothers me is how when I explained to the chick down at the computer fix-it place what the deal was she looked at me with this really “OMG THERE’S NO CURE FOR THIS!” look on her face.

Then, to make myself feel a bit better, I decided to have a couple of hotdogs for lunch. I got the little skillet to fry them up in on the stove and put a plop of butter in it and grabbed the dogs out of the fridge.

Uhhhh yeah. 95% FAT FREE!!! Who in their right mind would even consider making a product like this? I mean sure, I should have paid closer attention to what I was grabbing at the store, but damn! It never occurred to me that they would make something like this. As I said on Facebook, this is practically tofu, right? Well, I tried it and just couldn’t do it. Barely got halfway through one dog and just had to toss them out.

THUMBS DOWN TO THE 95% FAT FREE HOTDOGS!!!

Needless to say, by this time I was pretty bummed. My best friend laptop was in the ER and my hotdogs were “healthy” and really gross. Things just weren’t going my way today. So, to cheer myself up, I went on Twitter to see what all the funny and happy people of the world were doing. Nothing ever provides a better pick-me-up than laughing at the good folks of Twitter. Unless it’s MLK Day of course…

Well, that didn’t work out as I hoped. What now? Okay, it’s dinner time, last chance for happiness for today. I decided to go with a semi-healthy and delicious meal of chicken tenders, artichoke hearts and pasta.

How was it? It was PERFECT!

1. Empty one can of extra small artichoke hearts into a strainer, wash and drain thoroughly.
2. Cook up four decent sized chicken tenders on the stove with some garlic powder and Cavender’s. Don’t be afraid to get them “blackened” but no burned. Remove from pan and cut them up.
3. Heat the artichoke hearts up in a small amount of olive oil and ¼ sick of butter. Toss the cut up chicken in with them and squirt some lemon juice on them. Let simmer on low.
4. Cook 4 oz of spaghetti in a big pot of boiling water.
5. Drain spaghetti and then throw it in the pan with the chicken and artichoke. Maybe squirt some more lemon juice on the pasta.
6. Let sit in the pan and get happy together on low while garlic bread is cooking.
7. Once the garlic bread is done, serve with a white wine and eat it with your mouth.

Then, enjoy your evening knowing that even if you experience dead laptop monitors, fat-free hot dogs and idiotic tweets, you can still make it all okay with food and wine.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS