Matt Said, Jay Said (937) 323-1779

Matt gives…Jay sacrifices…You, take.

Matt:  How the hell are ya?
Jay:  Just freakin’ fantastic, and you?
Matt:  Swell.  Did the Jaymom have a good birthday?

Jay:  Oh yeah.  I set up a dinner at Colton’s and got her a birthday cake.
Matt:  You are a thoughtful man.
Jay:  I’m a giver Matt-Man…a giver.
Matt:  That you are.

Jay:  Any big plans for Schmoop’s birthday?
Matt:  I am getting her flowers and I want to get her Taco Bell for dinner, but…

Jay:  But wha---Oh you can’t have any because of your breadless Lent.
Matt:  Exactly.  Do you think a one day dispensation on the bread thing is in order?

Jay:  Let me pose that question to a higher power.
Matt:  Who?  God?
Jay:  Noooooooooo, higher than that, Reverend Moneymaker.  I’ll call him real quick.  Hold on.
Matt:  Oh okay.

Jay:  Good News!!  He said that since you are doing it to please someone else, you may scarf down some tacos.
Matt:  Hot Damn!!
Jay:  Hey now…I don’t think he’d appreciate that language.
Matt:  Oops, forgive me.

Jay:  That is nice of you to break your Lenten sacrifice one day for Schmoop.
Matt:  I’m a giver Jayman, a giver.
Jay:  That you are.

Matt:  So this week, it is confirmed…It has to be an 8 P.M. show since the new help is on vacation.
Jay:  Unbelievable. Three weeks on the job and taking time off.
Matt:  IKR?  Leaves me without a day off until April 6th.
Jay:  We have to change our show time.
Matt:  Schmoop will be sad not to have me home all day Sunday.
Jay and Matt:   Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Jay:  Man, I tell ya.  We give a lot to the folks, and what do we get in return?
Matt:  Heartache.
Jay:  Yep, but…
Matt:  The show must go on.
Jay:  Even though we have to change our busy schedules in order to entertain the masses.
Matt:  The things we do for people.

Jay:  Oh well…I’m sure that Bobby Kraft and Joshua will help us out.
Matt:  Paul Piatt, Slyder Balzcock, and Tammy Tibbles can pitch in as well.
Jay:  We can talk Ukraine and March Madness.

Matt:  We can talk British Daylight Saving Time and Iowa GOP U.S. Senate candidate Joni Ernst.

Jay:  I hear she grew up castrating hogs.
Matt:  That’s what all of the boys down at the Soda Shop say.

Jay:  That’s HOT.

Matt:  Hey, I have a question…Back in the day when you worked at the pizza joint, did it irritate you to get calls asking what specials you had?

Jay:  Oh hell yes…You’re busy and wasting time on the phone.
Matt:  We could call local pizza joints and do just that.
Jay:  Ha. Brilliant, and…We could call not so local pizza joints!!

Matt:  Ha!!  Brilliant!!

Jay:  And maybe, just maybe…Folks could give back a little love to us, and call in.
Matt:  It’s the least they could do for two givers such as us.
Jay:  Damn Right!!

Matt:  I guess we’re set.
Jay:  Yep.  This Sunday from 8-10 P.M. ET on IWS Radio.
Matt:  We are gonna give some more yet again.  Talk to you then Jayman.
Jay:  Word.  Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

To catch the All Give and No Take episode of IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET, click right HERE!!    

Happy Birthday To Schmoop !!

“A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.”
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cheeeeeeeeers and a Happy Thursday to you all.

Today is a special day and should truly be a National Holiday.  Forty-Eight years ago today, unto the world, my best friend whom I would not meet until thirty-four years later, was born.

I shit…you…not.  She came into this world lacking the charm, sense of humor, and good nature of the Pillsbury Doughboy, and yet…looked quite similar to him in her early years…

I am talking of course, about my best friend, and IWS Radio’s very own bit player…Schmoop!!

That’s right folks.  Schmoop is celebrating her 48th Birthday today, and even though she is 48, she still knows how to handle a man’s tube like she did some thirty years ago or so…

Schmoop has helped IWS Radio with her sexy voice by being everyone from herself, to Paula Deen, to Kim Fragile, and the AMAZING Tammy Tibbles.  And we appreciate that, and even more so?

We really appreciate her letting us use her ass in pictures…

Schmoop took me in nearly fourteen years ago when I was in a bad way and needed a place to stay. Much to her chagrin, we had a few beers while commiserating about lives turned ugly, she fed me, and then?

Nearly fourteen years later, I am still here.  I’m pretty sure she’s happy about that…probably sure…somewhat.  well?  Her picture says it all...

Anyhoo…

As far as her and I living together?

Schmoop is a trouper, or in her case, a Schmooper who ignores all of my faults when not actively pointing them out in a hurtful, yet sarcastically funny way…and as far as the show goes?

While she would rather be buried six feet under the cold ground than record something, Schmoop hits her mark and helps us out whenever called upon.

I love my Schmoop and I would go as far to call her my soul mate, unfortunately, she doesn’t have one.

However my friends, our love and mutual respect can be illustrated by a conversation that we recently had…

Me:  Oh sweet!!  Steak Fries with my burgers.
Schmoop:  You’re welcome.
Me:  Honey?  You complete me.
Schmoop:  Yeah, whatever….You want ketchup on those?

In all seriousness, Schmoop IS my best friend ever, and without her I have no clue as to where I would be today, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn't be a good place.  But instead?

I am in a place that while not extravagant, not overflowing with wealth, and not a vacation destination for the rich, I am with my best friend Schmoop.  And as far as I am concerned?

That is an extravagant, wealthy, and awesome destination to be.

I love you Schmoop, and Happy Birthday!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Happy Birthday February 7th!!

Cheeeeeeeers Bitches and a very happy February 7th to you all.  February 7th may be the most spectacular
date contained within the Gregorian calendar.

Do you know why February 7th has been such an important date both throughout history and remains so today?

Because…

February 7th is the date on which many of the most talented people who have ever lived, and who live today, were born.

What?  Don’t believe me?  Listen up…er…read up, because folks born on February 7th form a star-studded line-up of pure talent the world has yet to see burgeon forth from any other day of the year.

It’s true.  In fact if we were to have on huge birthday party for significant people born on February 7th, this is who we would invite.

First up and foremost, Charles Dickens…

What’s not to like about the author of Tale of Two Cities, David Copperfield, and A Christmas Carol among others, and who, although dead at the age of 58, still managed to find sperm enough to create 10 babies!!? He was a rock star!!

Secondly…We can invite one James Spader.  I dig ol’ Emmy Award winning actor James Spader, not as much as his former Boston Legal co-star Bill Shatner, but Jim-Spade is a righteous dude.

Of course we need the talented gay community represented, so let’s raise a birthday glass of cheer to Robert Smigel, aka the voice of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, a man who also created SNL’s, The Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoons…That’s funny shit right there.  Here’s a birthday rainbow for you Bobby-Smi, and yes I know you are only gay when being a Super Hero!!

You know what we are missing from this Born on the 7th of February Party?  A hot chick.  So…

It is now, that I invoke the name of one of the hottest chicks to ever grace the landscape of cheese and whey, Wisconsin’s own, Laura Ingalls Wilder…Oh sure she wore long skirts and wrote about family time on the prairie, but beneath that corn-fed façade, she was one hot butter-churner, if ya know what I mean.

And you know, our party needs some color of sorts, and that’s why we need to invite this man to our Birthdays on February 7th Party…

There are a lot of funny people in this world but nobody, and I mean nobody is funnier than this this man who was born February 7, 1965...

Damn right, Chris Rock is a freak of funny nature and he would sit at the, Born on the 7th of February Party at the right hand of the host.

And, who would host such an extravaganza full of talent, wit, and merriment?

Yours truly, because like all of these other awesome people, I was also  born on February 7th.  And in fact, February 7, 1965, which means…

I am as funny as Chris Rock, which of course, you already knew, so…

Don’t fawn all over my greatness, simply wish me...The Matt-Man, and Chris Rock a very Happy Birthday.

Thanks and Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

A Posthumous Birthday Shout-Out to Brother Vinnie

Cheeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy October 1st to you all.

October 1st is a HUGE day for a few reasons…

First of all, October 1st is World Vegetarian Day.

Sickly and pasty white vegetarians around the world will be celebrating their healthy and respectful lifestyles by lacklusterly patting each other on the back, sharing a bean sprout or two, and sneezing on one and other.

Here’s to you, you meatless and emaciated mo-foes; I’ll be thinking of you as I eat a BLT sandwich with a side of corned beef hash.  Enjoy your purity!!

Secondly…

Today is Unification Day in Cameroon.  Cameroon is the France of west central Africa (I guess), and they will be partying and unifying it up today.  Hey all you Cameroonians…Tell President Paul Biya that Matt-Man said, “Hiya.”

Thirdly and/or tertiarily (which is a word now, so shut up) whichever you prefer, today holds a very special place in my heart.

Today, October 1, 2013 would have been my brother Vince’s 60th birthday, but…he didn’t live to see it, yet nonetheless, I am going to celebrate it.

Vinnie, as most of us called him, was ultimately, surprisingly, and with alacrity, stricken down by cancer back on June 10th of this year.

It was very sad, because in addition to it being relatively out of the blue, the world lost a man who was incredibly funny, annoying, kind, and a perpetual surprise.

He was a man who was full of all sorts of manifestations of OCD which rendered his gutters without a drop of rain nor a single leaf contained within, and yet…out of the blue, he would call a person with a funny story and/or send a gift to someone.

Around the Greater Bagwine, Ohio area, his mullet is legendary.

His blondish red hair with the consistency of hot August straw which receded from his forehead and draped down his sleight back, was a testament to a bygone era, and both a challenge and a big fuck you to Billy Ray Cyrus.

Vinnie was the epitome of an Irish-German mix.  During the week, in stoic and methodical German manner, he would work 18 hours a day, 52 weeks week of the year if need be.  But on the weekends?

The spirits of St. Brendan, Brian Boru, and Oscar Wilde would take over his body and soul, and his inner-Hibernian would do a Celtic dance all over town.

On Friday and Saturday he would talk to every woman in the bar or at the party.  He would almost always do something “too spontaneous”, and then…

Sunday morning he would go to mass at St. Raphael’s either by himself or with a widowed 80+ year old friend of the family prior to taking her to breakfast.

Although Vinnie never had a family of his own per se, he was a family man to the core.  From his eight brothers and sisters down to the most obscure of cousins.  He loved his family.

And…He loved people in general.  It can be said of Vinnie, “He never met a stranger.”

That was so true in his case, because if you approached him, or he approached you without ever meeting before…he’d talk to you, listen to you, and if it was a Friday or Saturday night, he’d buy you a beer.

So…Happy 60th Birthday to my brother Vince.  He may have been a handful at times, but he is now resting in hands that are big enough, and worthy enough to hold him.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

IWS Person of the Week...Happy Birther Day President Obama

On this date of August 4th, in 1961, unto the world was born a child in Honolulu, Kenya who would later grow up to be a divisive political scalawag, a one-man wrecking crew of capitalism, and most importantly, President of the United States.

His name?

Barack Hussein Obama or as some know him, the 44th President of the United States of America.

That’s right…today is President Barack Obama’s Birthday, and it is only fitting that we at IWS Radio who affectionately refer to him as BO-Dawg, make him our Person of the Week…

Look at that smile, that charm, that…”Devil-May-Care, I was doin’ drugs thirty years ago and yet I became President” grin.

And even though he is now busy trying to keep and/or organize the Free World, and no longer prowling the hipster scene like the party animal that he was, he can still pull off, “cool.”

Yep…today, at the slight majority in the Senate age of 52, Barack Obama is a loyal husband to Michelle, and a doting father to his two girls, but he can still make ladies like Jennifer Hudson swoon…

And that is why, no matter if you like him or not, President Barack Obama can put his feet up on his Presidential desk, smile, and think to himself…

“If I was any cooler; I’d be Shaft.”

So here’s to Birthday Boy Man, President Barack Obama, the IWS Radio Person of the Week.

And in his honor?

I hope all of you join Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio team for a Happy Birther Day Barack Obama extravaganza on IWS Radio from Noon-2 PM ET today on Blog Talk Radio.

Headliners from the world of politics, pop culture, and entertainment will be airing their Birthday wishes, and we will be taking your calls at 661.244.9852.

So listen LIVE, call-in with your birthday wishes, and hang out with Jay and Matt from Noon-2 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show.

You can catch all the hilarity by clicking HERE.