Back to School Idiots and Detroit PD Hiring

Hola y’all! You know, there really just isn’t crap going on at all. As we talked about on Sunday’s “Dog Days of Summer” episode of IWS Radio this time of year is just boring as hell. So, it looks like it’s time again for some random topics again. Try to hold down the excitement please.

- It’s Back to School time again! I’m already hearing ads on the radio reminding us not to pass the school bus and be careful in school zones and whatehaveyou. This week has been fairly pleasant weather wise, but I’m sure the local TV stations will be running reports asking “Is it time to air condition our schools?” soon enough.

That’s some bullshit right there man. Back when I was in school we only had certain rooms that had air. The “new” building at the jr. high and the library and four classrooms that didn’t have windows at the high school were the only ones air conditioned. I took Mrs. Stone’s English class just so I could be in a room with A/C. God she hated me.

- Has anyone seen this fake AT&T “Lawful Interception Recovery Fee” going around social media sites?

It’s amazing how people will just believe anything without checking it out. I mean, I realize that most people just believe it because they WANT it to be true, but don’t you guys ever get embarrassed falling for this shit?

What makes me mad though is that so many of the people who believe that fake AT&T bill have the audacity to claim IWS Radio isn’t really advertising on the side of Amish Buggies …

- Speaking of not-so-bright people and advertising, in case you haven’t heard the Detroit Police Department is hiring and they decided to advertise with IWS Radio last week …

I’m seriously considering doing it too! I don’t know much about being a cop, but I do watch a lot of police shows on TV and while they occasionally get shot at, it doesn’t seem like that bad of a gig. Besides, cops seem to be able to afford pretty nice houses or loft apartments and they marry super-hot chicks who they are apparently allowed to cheat on repeatedly.  I think to prepare for my life as a cop I will start answering my phone by just saying my last name like cops do also.

- I just found out that Yakov Smirnoff is leaving Branson, MO!! I’m devastated. How could I let him perform there for 20 years and never go to any of his shows? Now I think I should have gone to see him rather than Ray Stevens back in the day. Uhh … Maybe not. Ray was pretty funny. Anyway, that’s one less show for white people to go to. I hope there’s some added Kenny Chesney concerts or Jeff Foxworthy shows or something to keep them entertained.

- Only two more weeks until college football!!! I’m definitely ready for it even though Arkansas is gonna suck. It’s pretty hilarious to watch Hog fans though. After a 3-9 season last year and a whole new coaching staff you’d think they would be realistic, but nooooooooooooo. As the season gets closer they become more and more delusional and start saying things like “With our talent anything less than 8 or 9 wins is a failure.” What talent are they talking about? Eh, whatever. This is the year I ignore the message board and idiot fans and just enjoy the games. Probably. Well, I’ll try.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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@Jayman_IWS

Friendship....Albeit Random

Cheers Chuckleheads…

Matt-Man here on a Hump Day and I am feeling random, so…

Here are some of my random thoughts.

Does Anthony Weiner love all women except for his wife?  Or?

Is he purging himself?

If a chick on Facebook whom I have known since second grade, looks me up, sends me a message, and I still find her hot, does that make me a pedophile?

A rose by any other name, would smell as sweet….Sorry Shakespeare guy, you don’t know the Rose Harbinger of 1027 Dartmouth St., that I know!!

Will the Bengals win their division this year?  I really don’t care; I just hope we sell a lot of beer during the NFL season this year.

If I ended this post now, would Jayman be upset with me?

Probably so, but/and/or I will continue anyway, because my OCD compels me to.

I asked my Facebook friend Amy Killeen to send me a message on Facebook last night.  Isn’t that sad?

Hell yes it is, but…she did, and then we chatted for a few.  Amateurs!!

Sometimes?  I’se gots is going on!!

I have a few friends from school days that I talk with on Facebook.  One in particular, had golden hair, large, premature breasts, and the smile of an angel.

I messaged her “Hi” the other day, unfortunately, she remembered me too well and responded…

“Dude…Matt…I had a breast reduction, so just move on.”

While I initially thought that her comment was a bit hurtful, I then thought…

“You know?  It’s nice that I can leave a lasting impression on others, and that they truly know me for who I am.”

Of course she then said…

“But if you’re looking for a good time, I am the woman for you.”

I said…

“Oh Baby!!”

And then she said…

“I knew it.  You’re still a whore.”

I said that I try to stay consistent, and she said…

“Thirty years and you are still the same lovable jerk.”

To which I said, “Hey now.  I’m not a jerk.”

And my longtime friend responded…

“You CAN be a jerk, but that’s okay…because more importantly, you are who you are, and it’s better to be a sarcastic jerk than a fake.”

I was initially stunned, but then I thought…

It IS better to be a sarcastic jerk rather than a fake.

Cheers!!

mattmaiws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Jayman Through the Years

Hola y’all! One of the things people ask me about most is my past. Seems as though I’m some kind of international man of mystery to most of you people and you get to wondering about me. So, I thought I’d take everyone a photographic journey through my life today and maybe you’ll know me a little better that way.

I was born in the Spring of 1968, just before all hell broke loose in America. Luckily, I arrived in time to attend the Woodstock Music Festival in ’69 with my fellow “Free Love Hippies.”

Those were some good times. Dropping acid and making love under the stars and shit like that. We were gonna change the world you know! Well, those days eventually gave way to the Disco Era of the 70’s. More wild times! I had a closet full of leisure suits and an awesome fro and was hitting Studio 54 a few nights a week!

Unfortunately Disco died a brutal and untimely death and things really got weird.  The 80’s was all about big hair, heavy metal music and cool fashion like Member’s Only Jackets. I spent most of that decade on the West Coast partying and rock ‘n rolling hard with the likes of Phoebe Cates.

Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hottest babe ever! That’s pretty much all the 80’s had to offer though and by the time the 90’s hit we were all ready for something completely different.  Yeah, it was Grunge time y’all! Nasty hair, plaid shirts and jackets and all the music was just someone mumbling into the microphone bitching about some shit nobody could understand.

It was awful really. The mosh pits were gross and full of guys who never showered or anything. People were doing crack and meth and it just wasn’t as fun as the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s had been. Mostly it was meaner and there was a lot less love to go around.

Then the 2000’s hit and things got a lot worse. All we ever did was hang out on street corners in our Sopranos style track suits flashing our bling and keeping folks in line. People were up to all kinds of dirty deals too. Not just selling a little weed to the working man or even just crack and meth to freaks either. We were into serious corruption like money laundering and providing protections. It got pretty scary yo ….

I’m glad those days are behind me. You know that partying all the time and doing drugs and gang-banging and shit is a young man’s game. I ain’t about that life anymore. Nope. Today I’m just your average everyday mild-mannered internet radio star who sometimes shows up on the red carpet with someone like Blake Lively …

I guess we all gotta grow up sometime right? A whole lifetime of Rock ‘n Roll and partying and living in the fast lane is just too much. I mean, I’m glad I did it cause those were some wild times no doubt, but this whole international celebrity thing has its advantages too. I guess all this just gets mixed together and makes me the man I am today.

I hope you enjoyed my little trip down memory lane.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook: Jayman68
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Baby Shower? The Biggest Gift Grab in the World...

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

Let me tell you folks, I have a problem with many of you, and usually I’ll write in character to tell you this, but no, this time?

It’s coming straight from the heart of the Matt-Man.

First of all, let me give props to Jay, Schmoop, Spock, Brother Marty, and the ever elusive Miss.

While I don’t talk to a couple of these people often at length, they all know what’s goin’ on.

Secondly, you people under the age of forty…

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Last night, on Facebook, I saw a child, and by child, I mean a married adult with one, lately impregnated, already split duh womb child bearing chick, asking around for a maternity photographer.

I offered to take pictures of her heaving vagina free, but that is not what she was talking about.  She was talking about family pictures while she was pregnant.  WTF?

Ya can’t do that yourself?

Evidently, nowadays, and with the nowadays prima donnas, one needs baby fat, family friendly freeze frames done prior to spittin’ out a baby done photogged by a pro.!!

If I had access to the IWS soundboard right now, I would hit the audio file that says….

“Who…duh hell…carrrrrrrrrrrrrres?”  Amirite!?

It’s fine to have baby pics, but who needs a picture of your huge, amniotic fluid rich belly, and a pic of a pink/blue baby right out of the womb?

No One!!  Not even YOU!!

Yes, I know that you and you baby are the most precious things on Earth, but seriously?  Shut the fuck up and quit throwing baby showers for yourself.  Or better yet?

Every time that you complain after the birth of your unborn, yet photogenic son and/or daughter you have to donate five dollars to a worthy cause…such as NARAL.

It’s nice that you threw yourself a baby shower, but really?  That best gift that that baby could get, is knowing that while baby showers are great, life can be hard…always an exceptional experience, but at times, difficult nonetheless.

And if you missed Jay and I LIVE yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, you can catch all the hilarity right HERE:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Jennifer Aniston: Person of the Week!

IWS Radio is proud to name Jennifer Aniston as our “Person of the Week!”

By all accounts Jennifer Aniston is a swell person. She’s smart and funny and seems to be a genuinely down to earth, easy-going babe. She also just happens to sport an iconic haircut, be drop-dead gorgeous and have killer legs.

All of this is really great and rather fortuitous because her movies just suck. The only movie she’s ever been in that I actually remember liking is “Office Space” way back in the day. That movie was a riot and she was soooooo damn cute in it. After that? Not so much. Oh sure, she’s looked good in all her movies, but the movies themselves have been pretty crappy.

Jennifer is a superstar who burst onto the scene in wildly overrated “Friends.” Yes, she did win both a Golden Globe and an Emmy for playing Rachel Green. For the life of me I have no idea how she actually won any awards for her acting. Oh yeah ….

Anyhoodle, after “Friends” mercifully went away (well, they stopped making new episodes, obviously thanks to syndication it will NEVER go away) Mz. Aniston decided it was time to conquer the world of movies. She did so too with one crappy flop after another. Oh sure there were a few in there that did okay at the box office, but only if her costars could bring a decent audience. Like maybe Jim Carrey in “Bruce Almighty.”

To Jen’s credit she does appear to have a decent hit going right now with “We’re the Millers.” As with other box office success it helps her immensely to have Jason Sudeikis as her costar. Oh and did I mention she plays a stripper and even does a little striptease routine? Non-nude, of course.

Which brings me to my final point about Jennifer Aniston. Have you ever noticed that every year it seems that there is a story that Aniston is finally ready to do a nude scene in her next movie? And have you ever noticed that the reported nude scene never happens? Me too. That’s why I signed and Tweeted the Jennifer Aniston boycott petition and think you should too! As long is Jen is going to keep teasing us with possible nudity and not delivering we shouldn’t pay to watch her movies!

That aside, congrats to Jennifer Aniston for being named IWS’ “Person of the Week!”

And be sure to catch us on IWS Sunday at 12 Noon ET as we celebrate the “Dog Days of Summer!”

Matt Said, Jay Said...7576227382

Matt:  Yeah, what do you want?
Jay:  Everything.
Matt:  Well, you won’t find it here.
Jay:  But I am searching for it all.
Matt:  Beat it Mister.

Jay:  Hey now…How you doin’?
Matt:  M’eh…kinda bored.  And you?
Jay:  Just bailing out my personal canoe from all of the rain down here.
Matt:  I saw that.  What a fucking shame.
Jay:  That didn’t sound sincere.
Matt:  It was…I’m just…m’eh.

Jay:  Yeah, I understand.  There’s just nothing going on right now.
Matt:  I know.  Fake football…No big holiday until Labor Day, Congress is in recess.
Jay:  Yeah.  And the middle school girls aren’t back in school yet, and the TV re-runs…Oh Dear God!!
Matt:  So damn boring.

Jay:  This week sucks.  Of course Sunday, the 18th is National Bad Poetry Day.  We can go HAM on that.
Matt:  Oh Hell yeah, and the week after that on the 25th will be our End of Season Three Extravaganza.
Jay: And September 1st will be our Opening of Season Four Extravaganza!!
Matt:  And yet?  We have nothing for this week.
Jay:  I know…man, it’s hard sometimes.

Matt:  That’s why they call this time of year, the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  That’s It!!
Matt:  What!?  What’s it!?
Jay:  This week’s show will be called, The Dog Days of Summer!!
Matt:  You are fucking brilliant!!
Jay:  I know, right!?

Matt:  But as we just said…nothing happens during the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  Exactly, and that is what we’ll talk about!!
Matt:  We’ll talk about nothing?
Jay:  Yes!!
Matt:  Brilliant!!
Jay:  I think we’ve just one-upped Seinfeld.
Matt:  Damn right…Kramer can suck your dick.
Jay:  I’d prefer if Elaine did it.
Matt:  Brilliant!!

Jay:  Alright then…you, me, Bobby Kraft, Paul Piatt, Bob Barker, and whoever else on our staff wants to chime in, will be there.
Matt:  Along with all of the listeners and callers to our Number One Rated Comedy Show.
Jay:  Damn right.  Even though there is nothing there, we’ll make it something.
Matt:  Word.

Jay:  We are going to build the biggest pile of nothing that has ever been built, this Sunday at Noon ET.
Matt:  And President Obama better not say that we didn’t build it.
Jay:  Damn right.  Talk to you this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET Matt-Man.
Matt:  Ditto Jayman!!

To catch Jay, Matt, and the Dog Days of Summer IWS Radio Show LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, you can click right HERE.

Lemon Herb Chicken Pasta Recipe

Holaaaaaaaaa Foodies!! Chef Jayman here from Chez Jay’s Fine Dining Pub to share with y’all one of my favorite all time recipes. Tonight we’re serving Lemon Herb Chicken with Whole Grain Pasta Noodles. Let’s get right to it ….

First thing you do is go to Walmart and cough up $1.25 for this cause walking around the place looking for all the ingredients is bullshit…

You already have the chicken tenders in your freezer, right? I mean seriously, who doesn’t have frozen boneless, skinless chicken tenders in their freezer at all times? Anyway, put two tablespoons of butter in a medium hot skillet and let it melt. Then put about one pound of chicken tenders in the pan to cook in the butter. Put a lid on it so you can keep the chicken moist. Once the chicken is thawed, you then pour some of the seasoning over the chicken, turn them over, pour the rest of the seasoning on them and cook them all the way through. Don’t be shy about throwing some more butter in there either if needed.

If you thought ahead you could cut up your tenders, throw them in a bowl and pour the seasoning over them and mix it all up and rub the seasoning in. PLEASE WEAR FOOD SAFE GLOVES IF YOU DO THIS. *shudder*

Okay, while that’s happening pour two cups of water in a pot and bring it to a boil. Then toss in the packet of pasta and dried up nasty-ass peas and carrots. Once the chicken is done, cut it up and add it to the pot with the pasta and maybe scrape up as much as the seasoning in the pan you cooked the chicken in at too high a temperature and add it too.

Once the pasta is nice and tender and ready, sprinkle in the glaze making sure you cover the entire pot with it. Don’t stir it in just let it simmer with a lid on the pot for five minutes or so until everything is really thick. Don’t burn it man! Once it’s all congealed (gross right?) it’s ready to be plated. Be sure to forget to take the pic when you first put it on your plate and have to take a more artistic one with just a few bites left.

If you like, you can have a few croissants. PRO TIP: Turn your croissants upside down to butter them. It’s much easier to spread the butter on the flat smooth bottom.

Okay, there you have it. Chez Jay’s Lemon Herb Chicken with Whole Grain Pasta!

Oh! I almost forgot. For dessert I recommend Yarnell’s Lemon Ice Box Pie Ice Cream. Deeeeeee-Licious!

Bon Appetit!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

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