THE OSU Uber-Fan Frank Blatz Is Befooted By Tragedy

Good Morning IWS Radio listeners, or in this case…readers…or whatever.

THE Ohio State University football uber-fan Frank Blatz here, with my take on the tragedy that has befooted itself upon our world in recent days.

Okay…so over in Iraq, I guess there is the group of hooligans called ISIS or ISIL or whatever…I wish they’d make up their mind as to what to be called…I think I’ll just from now on refer to them as Izzle.  Anyway…

Seems that Izzle is running roughshod over and through innocent Iraqians and has been and continues to blitz some group called the Yassidians who are looking for a little pass protection from the United States and a group of indigent Iraqians called the Curds.

I don’t understand why people have to hate on others.  I mean, maybe I’d know more about this situation and would have a clearer take on what’s going on over there, but the Big 10 Network doesn’t carry a lot of world news.

I do know that an American reporter type guy was beheaded the other day by these Izzle folks.  I saw the video.  It was nearly as disturbing as when Tim Krumrie of the Cincinnati Bengals broke his leg during Super Bowl XXIII, and it was floppin‘ around like a dead fish on national TV.

I actually was more disturbed by the video of the guy getting his head chopped off because he was a true American, and Tim Krumrie?  He played football for the University of Wisconsin.  So c'mon…there ya go.

Oh…And what is it about all this shit going on in Ferguson, Mo.? People looting, shooting, fighting, and what not.  Have people lost their minds?  I know that tragically, an 18 year old black kid got terminally shot by a white cop, but man…Can’t we let the justice system figure this out without burning down the entire community?

You folks in in Missouri need to figure this out pronto because THE Ohio State University football season is but nine days away, and I don’t want any of the games I watch being interrupted by BREAKING NEWS from Ferguson!!  If that happens?  I may come to Ferguson, Mo. and break a few windows myself, you SEC bastards!!

Finally…Here is without a doubt, the penintimate…um…penticular…wait…biggest tragedy of the day.

THE Ohio State quarterback and assuredly 2014 Heisman winner Braxton Miller, re-injured his shoulder and will be out for his entire senior season.  What the Hell!!?  Why does God hate THE Ohio State University? IT’S NOT FAIR!!  IT’S OUR TURN!!  WE ARE THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY!!

How are we to capture the Golden Fleece that is the Big 10 title with a red shirt Freshman named J.T. Barrett at quarterback?

The boy hasn't had taken a college snap and he will be standing behind four new starters on the O-Line. When we go to Michigan State J.T. is going to feel the same way a black dude in Ferguson, Mo. must feel…Like he is looking across the line and eye to eye with a line of angry, grain-fed white guys who want to rip his head off.

Let’s just hope it is quicker and less painful than the decapitation of that reporter type guy who was decapitated by that un-American Michigan State bastard of a basketball coach, Tom Izzle.

For IWS Radio this is Frank Blatz…

Lovin’ the Urban Meyer, and Smellin’ like Woody Hayes…

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Donald Sterling Speaks On Magic Johnson and Race

Hello……………..Donald Sterling here………..For IWS Radio.

First of all………..I am not well.

Neither mentally, or………morally…………I think.

In spite of all the who-ha-ha that I suffered on behalf of the Viv Stiviano phone call, and the plantation attack I endured during my interview with that faggot Anderson Cooper; I am still alive, and still standing.

Well…at least sitting…and sitting with dignity and with more than a billion dollars in my New York skinny jeans.

So, even at the ripe old age of 80, the NBA wants to kick me out of their exclusive and outraged club now.  I don’t care.

I’m Donald Sterling and I am worth more than almost any of the other owners, other than that dickhead and raft-floating Havana boy, Mark Cuban. What?  Fidel didn’t allow basketball in Cuba, so you came here, Mark? Mark Cuban is a dick.

But I digress…I apologize once again, and trust me, I’ll be doing this for the rest of my short life, but anyhow…I apologize to Magic Johnson.  I said that you had AIDS, and that faggot Anderson Cooper corrected me by saying that you merely had, “HIV.”

Being an old Jewish man, I didn’t realize that if one contracted HIV from having more sex than I ever wanted to, would not necessarily result in AIDS.  I just figured, if the matzo was dipped in something unholy, it wasn’t kosher, and would never again walk the earth.

In other words, in reference to Magic…HE should be dying and I should be looking like a new man…but it’s the other way around.  Oy Vey!!

Another thing…When I saw Magic Johnson at a game with my girlfriend Viv, I said to myself, “She’s not gonna like it when he sings to her during sex, “It’s a peachy peachy peach in the Mississippi mud.””

Anyway…I’m out of the NBA I guess, but I want to find my redemption , and I have cash to burn before I explode set off more of my ignorance, so…

I am going to repair my inexplicable and unwarranted racist reputation by buying the Cleveland Browns of the NFL.  Do you think a man who was racist would buy a team named the Browns?  I didn’t think so.

And in fact, my first move will be to give the team and the fans a mascot for whom we can rally about, Sharecropper Shel.  He’d be a kindly negro with a friendly ho.

And while I’m at it, I may as well buy the Washington Redskins away from that racist heathen Dan Snyder, and re-invent that team.

I would rename the team the Washington D’oh’s and our mascot would be an Algonquin Indian with a piece of paper that meant nothing. But…he would wave it fiercely in the faces of the opposing team!!  Take That Philadelphia!!

Lastly, I would definitely like to thank IWS for allowing me this venue, and I want say something very important.  I apologize to black men everywhere for my words, but seriously?

It’s because you let your bitches run rampant that you are in such disarray.  You black boys really need to reign in your hoochie mamas.

I Am So Down With Your Negro and Indian Smoke Signal Sub-Culture,

Donald Sterling

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Donald Sterling: Perhaps You Didn't Think This Through Very Well

Happy Hump Day to you all and let’s get right to the stupid of things.  There are many people in this country,
the greatest country on earth mind, who are stupid as hell, and?

They should be saying to themselves…

“Maybe I didn't think this through very well.”

First up, and of course…

Donald Sterling…

The longtime owner of the Los Angeles Clippers got into a race debate with his black/Mexican mistress and told her that she shouldn’t parade herself about in the company of loser and incredibly disliked black guys like Magic Johnson at…basketball games.

Unbeknownst to him, his former mistress, V. Stiviano, who looks like a 25 year old Joan Rivers with darker skin, recorded his remarks, and has now set him down a path that will not include owning a NBA Basketball team, a condo that he gave he gave her, nor the more than a few cars that he gifted to her, but…

Does she realize that if she keeps the condo, she’ll have to pay tax on it?  She’ll have to sell the two Bentleys to pay for the condo taxes.

These two dullards didn’t think this through very well.

Cliven Bundy…

Cliven was riding high on the free grazing grass of the government teat, and then?  He bit the teat that fed him.

Oh sure, anti-government feeling is at an all-time high, however, when one pivots from state’s rights, don’t tread on me hysteria, and anti-Obama rhetoric, and then goes full blown anti-negro, one tends to lose their standing, and even loses support from Sean Hannity…at least publicly.

Good ol’ Cliven didn’t think this through very well.

Rush Limbaugh…

In reference to the aforementioned Donald Sterling/LA Clippers fiasco…Rush Limbaugh smells a rat and a rat that smells similar to what the Obama birthers smelled.

Back in 2009...Magic Johnson intentionally had a picture of him taken at a LA Dodgers game with Stiviano, knowing that in five years, that the picture of he and V. Stiviano would make Donald Sterling erupt, and therefore, ignite his racist comments, and gain Mr. Johnson access to buy the LA Clippers at a ground floor price.

Rush didn’t think this through very well.  Mainly, because he was high on Oxycontin and Viagra when he came up with this theory, but nonetheless…

Finally…

Former Knicks player and whatever with the whatever team, Larry Johnson has chimed in on the Donald Sterling brouhaha…

“Black people your (sic) focusing on the wrong thing. We should be focusing on having our own, own team, own League! To For Self!!”

Meaning of course, Larry Johnson, a black man, would prefer to go back to the year 1896 and Plessy v. Ferguson, rather than 1954 and Brown v. Board of Education.

Perhaps Larry Johnson didn't think this through very well.

Anyway, here’s the point.  People are stupid, and do stupid things, but also, when we see people do stupid things, we, as in the case of Rush Limbaugh and Larry Johnson, react stupidly.

I have many flaws, but if you ask those who know me, thinking things through and lacking patience are not among my flaws.

If those are my only two gifts, I will be happy, because those are two of the most important when it comes to getting things done and being an acceptable human being.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Martin Luther King...If He Were Alive Today, The Media Would Kill Him

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day…

A day when millions remember and honor the memory and legacy of the foremost civil rights leader of a generation who was tragically slain in 1968.

King was a visionary who was brilliant, affective, and foremost, courageous. He also possessed perhaps the two most important gifts of a leader of men and causes…

An ability to inspire through sensible yet moving oratory, and more importantly, the serendipity of marching along the timeline of history at just the right moment.

King coming along at the time he did, was his most important ally because…

If MLK were alive today and railing against the injustices in the world, he would be eaten alive, by talk radio, tabloids, and the schadenfreude driven 24/7 “news” cycle of speculation and innuendo of cable TV.

Martin Luther King in spite of all his incredible command of what is good and what is just, was a man. A man full of flaws like all of us.

And…

Many of King’s human weaknesses were, by the girdle donning, high heel wearing J. Edgar Hoover, (and RFK for that matter) noted, embellished, and oft times imagined.

Did the married, minister of God enjoy the company of white women? Maybe.

Was he, the civil rights movement, and the SCLC associated with the Communist Party. Not really.

Because King was friends with, and was mentored by, another black civil rights activist, Bayard Rustin, who was a known homosexual, make King gay? Hardly…see above.

As King was a fan of the non-violent movement propagated by Gandhi, anti-American? Fuck no.

Yet today?

All of this “information” would be perused, skewed, and then taken as fact and spray painted like graffiti on the walls of a shut down factory in Youngstown, Elkhart, or Detroit upon our radios and TV’s.

And my friends…As MLK helped a people and a nation to see and actualize his dream, we as a nation have turned that dream on its head and turned it to some degree, into a nightmare.

If MLK were alive today he would be vilified for “communist ties”, castigated for “hanging out with homosexuals”, and sullied for being an un-American peacenik by today’s angry, ratings at all costs media, and the Haterade thirst of such from a large portion of Americans.

That is indeed why today, we have no great leadership in this country. Why would anyone who has the ability and desire to lead this nation, suffer the scrutiny of those who seek to tear greatness down?

I don’t care if a person was late on their taxes, smoked pot, had a marital indiscretion, or peed in a public pool while drunk, if he or she is willing, and able to lead this country out of its debt and malaise.

The great ones of today have no desire to lead because it would mean that they would be under the microscope of a media and a people who care more about who they fucked rather than what they can do.

We are stuck with vanilla. We are stuck with mediocrity. We are stuck with the here and now of, “Oh My God…he or she did what?”

I want inspiration from someone, no matter if he or she has human imperfections.

Where’s that inspiration going to come from? John Boehner? Mitch McConnell? Nancy Pelosi? Harry Reid?...Chris Christie!!?

Ha…I don’t fucking think so.

We have no leaders like King. King spent his adult years trying to forge the unity of a nation and sadly, trying unsuccessfully to not be gunned down by the bullet of bigotry and hate.

The so called leaders we have today? Instead of seeking greatness, they spend their adult years merely seeking reelection.

I hate it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Paula Deen Does Not Hate Niggers

Hey Y’all!!  Paula Deen here, guest blogging for iwsradio.com today.

Why am I writing on the glorious pages of the IWS Radio website, y’all ask?

Well…It’s part of my racially charged rhetoric rehabilitation process.  I have apologized on You Tube.

Yesterday I somewhat, but not really, apologized for my bigoted invectives on the Today Show with Matt Lauer, and today?

Here I am on I’m With Stupid in all of my repentant, resplendent, and buttery glory coming to you in the wrote down fashion type a thing.

For the next forty days and forty nights, that began with the aforemended You Tube thing, I am going to appear on every type of media outlet that will have me, in order to apologize and/or defend myself.

I’m calling my hurried and harried media mea culpa blitz…

Paula’s Incredible Edible Regrettable Tour™ !!

Let me tell you folks.  I have only used the word, nigger once in my life, and that was when I was describing, to my husband mind y’all, the assailant who put a gun to my head during a bank robbery.

I was shaken and stirred and knew not what I was saying, and y’all know what?

When I think about it, it would have been better if I had called the guy with the gun to my head, a nigger, because if I had, I would probably be dead and not have to suffer the unwarranted and hurtful stones being cast upon me by the media and public opinion.

People are out to destroy me, because they are jealous of my success.  People like Lisa Jackson who say that I created a hostile work environment full of racial jokes and pornography.  I have even been attributed to saying the following:

What…on…Earth?

How could I have said that…I would never go for something like that.  I mean c’mon y’all…

Long sleeves and bow ties with shorts?  That’s just a stupid look!!  They would have to wear pants!!  No self-respecting, tap dancing, wait staff jigaboo tap dances in shorts!!

Listen y’all…My culinary media empire is strong.  I built my success upon a foundation of sturdy, high cholesterol, and deep fried blocks.  I didn’t build the foundation of my industry success upon the shakiness of a bunch of niggers in a woodpile.  Although…

I was the one who got Patrick and Gina Neely their own show on The Food Network, so maybe I did have a couple of darkies in the foundational mix, but listen…

I love Patrick and Gina so much, and they are black mind you, that I had my friend and ceramics guy Jim “Butterfingers” Vogel, form and bake me up a couple of little statues of the Neelys, which are always on display atop my kitchen table, as you can clearly see…

It's as though they are both holding giant doughnuts in their hands...Uh-huh, y’all…Who’s the racist now!!?

And let me tell you before I go…

After I moved out of mammy and pappy’s and got my first real job....One of the first things I did was buy a dog for protection.  He was strong, always alert, and a very well-hung dog.  And do y’all know what I named him?

Shaft.

This was even during the George Wallace years.  If that ain’t showing love for my bruthas and sistahs, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for having me here today on I’m With Stupid, now if you’ll excuse me, I am off to have a well earned meal of fried chicken, collard greens, and watermelon with Darius Rucker.  He’s such a get-a-longer, go-a-longer.

What?  No worries...Darius is one of those "tame ones."

Best Dishes to You,

Paula Deen

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