THE OSU Uber-Fan Frank Blatz Is Befooted By Tragedy

Good Morning IWS Radio listeners, or in this case…readers…or whatever.

THE Ohio State University football uber-fan Frank Blatz here, with my take on the tragedy that has befooted itself upon our world in recent days.

Okay…so over in Iraq, I guess there is the group of hooligans called ISIS or ISIL or whatever…I wish they’d make up their mind as to what to be called…I think I’ll just from now on refer to them as Izzle.  Anyway…

Seems that Izzle is running roughshod over and through innocent Iraqians and has been and continues to blitz some group called the Yassidians who are looking for a little pass protection from the United States and a group of indigent Iraqians called the Curds.

I don’t understand why people have to hate on others.  I mean, maybe I’d know more about this situation and would have a clearer take on what’s going on over there, but the Big 10 Network doesn’t carry a lot of world news.

I do know that an American reporter type guy was beheaded the other day by these Izzle folks.  I saw the video.  It was nearly as disturbing as when Tim Krumrie of the Cincinnati Bengals broke his leg during Super Bowl XXIII, and it was floppin‘ around like a dead fish on national TV.

I actually was more disturbed by the video of the guy getting his head chopped off because he was a true American, and Tim Krumrie?  He played football for the University of Wisconsin.  So c'mon…there ya go.

Oh…And what is it about all this shit going on in Ferguson, Mo.? People looting, shooting, fighting, and what not.  Have people lost their minds?  I know that tragically, an 18 year old black kid got terminally shot by a white cop, but man…Can’t we let the justice system figure this out without burning down the entire community?

You folks in in Missouri need to figure this out pronto because THE Ohio State University football season is but nine days away, and I don’t want any of the games I watch being interrupted by BREAKING NEWS from Ferguson!!  If that happens?  I may come to Ferguson, Mo. and break a few windows myself, you SEC bastards!!

Finally…Here is without a doubt, the penintimate…um…penticular…wait…biggest tragedy of the day.

THE Ohio State quarterback and assuredly 2014 Heisman winner Braxton Miller, re-injured his shoulder and will be out for his entire senior season.  What the Hell!!?  Why does God hate THE Ohio State University? IT’S NOT FAIR!!  IT’S OUR TURN!!  WE ARE THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY!!

How are we to capture the Golden Fleece that is the Big 10 title with a red shirt Freshman named J.T. Barrett at quarterback?

The boy hasn't had taken a college snap and he will be standing behind four new starters on the O-Line. When we go to Michigan State J.T. is going to feel the same way a black dude in Ferguson, Mo. must feel…Like he is looking across the line and eye to eye with a line of angry, grain-fed white guys who want to rip his head off.

Let’s just hope it is quicker and less painful than the decapitation of that reporter type guy who was decapitated by that un-American Michigan State bastard of a basketball coach, Tom Izzle.

For IWS Radio this is Frank Blatz…

Lovin’ the Urban Meyer, and Smellin’ like Woody Hayes…

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Big Ten Football Preview 2013...OH-IO!!

Are you ready for some football, America!!?

Hiya my fellow college football fans….

Tank Patterson (B.S. Agri-Business, THE Ohio State University ‘77) here for IWS.

Now yesterday, Jayman posted a preview of the upcoming 2013 SEC Football season, and upon reading it, I said to myself…

“Tank?  You should preview the upcoming 2013 football season for the only NCAA Football conference that matters, that being the Big Ten Conference.”

So…Here I am.  Tank Patterson, 1977 graduate of THE Ohio State University.  So, here goes, in order of where each team will finish…

Leaders Division

THE Ohio State University:  If Braxton Miller can stay out of trouble, and our beloved Buckeyes can dodge the early landmines of such high powered teams such as Buffalo, San Diego St., Cal, and Florida A&M, we will be prepared to run through our conference schedule like a combine through a drought stricken corn field.

Wisconsin:  The Badgers come to OUR house this year.  Prepare to see a lot of people wearing scarlet and red that game…the red being the blood of 22 Wisconsin Badgers lying dead on the sacred turf of OUR house!!

Penn State:  They come to Columbus on October 26th.  That’s pretty close to Halloween, so hide the kids. Those perverts will be offering candy to all of the precious little kids in OUR city.

Purdue:  Ooooooooo, Purdue…Oooooooo, we’re so scared of you, Purdue.  Kicking your ass in Ross-Ade Stadium this year would be a great memory except for the fact that I, my wife, and my family have to spend the night in West Lafayette, IN. in order to watch it happen.

Indiana:  Seriously?  Why do you guys even bother?  You are barely a basketball school anymore.

Illinois:  We go on the road for the second week in a row to play you after Purdue.  Looking for an upset of us?  Perhaps you and the Fighting Illini’ tribe would be better served by making reservations for a scalping!!

Legends Divison

Nebraska:  Remember when you guys were feared? Remember Tom Osborne?  Remember when you joined the Big Ten and much to your chagrin found out that even Ohio has a more moderate winter climate than yours?  Take That!! Cornsuckers!!

The Team That Must Not Be Mentioned:  What do you call a Wolverine football player with a National Championship ring?  A Thief!!

Northwestern:  Hey Smarty Pants, we play you in the “jewel of the Midwest” Evanston, IL. on October 5th…Are you going to trick us by running counter-intuitive plays, or perhaps try to stifle our offense with your defensive mind meld antics?  Your SAT score doesn’t trump the scoreboard on the field.

Michigan State:  Ha…Every year, “people in the know” say that this is YOUR year Sparty…Hell, we’re going to beat you 42-0 this year, and we don’t even play you!!

Minnesota:  The Golden Gophers are rebuilding and revitalizing their program this year, which means they may actually win a game or two…or not.

Iowa:  Kirk Ferentz is quite the head coach.  I know Ferentz is an Iowa grad, but man, he has the IQ of a Northwestern grad, because anyone with his dismal record who can still retain his job, is fucking brilliant!!

See you on October 19th, Kirk…unless the IU administration comes to their senses.

So there you have it folks…a fair and balanced break down and preview of the 2013 Big Ten Football Season.

Here’s to the upcoming college football season, and to Jay and Matt, and here’s to THE Ohio State University.  The best of the best.

OH-IO!!

Tank Patterson

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