Cheesy Chicken and Rice Food Porn From IWS!

Holaaaaaaaaaa y’all! As you probably know, I’m quite the culinary genius. Okay, maybe genius is going a bit too far. That word is reserved brilliantly creative cooks like Matt-Man and his “Hot Dog, Tuna and Chili Supreme Pizza” masterpieces. Also for people like Sandra Lee who is sooooo much more than a “seems like if I just flatter her for a few minutes and get her to finish off three drinks I’ll get lucky” lush. Her food assembliescreations are AMAZIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Last night I might have taken a very important step towards joining Matt-Man and Sandra though. As if often the case, my culinary delight came about because of a mistake. A mistake in the form of my inability to get everything I need at the store even when I make a freaking list! Anyhoodle, after realizing I didn’t have everything I needed, I made something up. Here’s what I made.

Cheesy Stove Top Chicken, Rice, Peas and Mushrooms Casserole!

Here’s the ingredients list …

1 lb Boneless Skinless Chicken Tenders

1 Cup Minute Rice

1 Can of Peas

1 Can of Mushrooms

A Handful of Shredded Colby/Jack Cheese

1 Cup of Chicken Broth

Drain the peas and mushrooms and then chop the mushrooms up. Put one cup of chicken broth in a covered medium pot along with the peas and mushrooms and heat them through and then bring it to a boil. Throw in the cup of rice, stir thoroughly, cover again and remove from heat for at least five minutes. (Unless you use fancy rice that takes lots of time and effort to make, in that case just figure it out.)

In a skillet pour a bit (just eyeball it) of vegetable oil to lightly coat the pan. Season the chicken tenders with some garlic powder and Cavenders (or whatever crap you use on chicken) and blacken those things on medium heat cause chicken has no real flavor to it. Be sure to turn the chicken over and season both sides evenly and keep flipping the chicken so it will cook up nicely on both sides.

Now, simply cut up a couple of the chicken tenders on a plate, pour a decent amount of the rice concoction on it and then grab a handful off the shredded cheese and cover it with as much as you like. Be sure to put the cheese on while everything is still hot so it will melt. Stir it all up on the plate to ensure even cheese covering to hold it all together and then TA-DAAAAAAAA:

Now you can eat it with your mouth. Mmmmmmmm! (I should have put more cheese on it.) It serves a few to several people depending on how much you eat and how hungry everyone is.

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Food Network Chefs Ranked by Sense of Humor

Hola Foodies! In case you were wondering, I continue to be obsessed with Food Network and all their celebrity chefs. Many of them do so many things that drive me crazy, but I’ve complained about that enough. Today I’m going to do something different. I’m going to rank some of the Food Network Chefs from WORST to BEST sense of humor*. 

We’ll start with the obviously humorless…

- Rachael Ray: There are people out there who claim that Rachael is a delightful and funny person. I think they’re lying. She is completely and totally devoid of any sense of humor (or human decency) at all. 

- Melissa d’Arabian: In addition to being the biggest fraud on Food Network, this chick is a completely humorless prig.

- Geoffrey Zakarian: This guy wouldn’t know funny if it popped him on the nose after pointing to his tie.

- Giada de Laurentiis: She is entirely too shallow, too much of a snob and takes herself way too seriously to have any real sense of humor. She might smile real pretty and pretend, but on the inside she’s burning w/ anger over anything that might seem funny to others.

- Tyler Florence: Another one who takes himself a little too seriously to be able to just kick back and have a few laughs with the boys.

- Bobby Flay: Surprisingly, Bobby does have a bit of sense of humor. Most of comes from arrogance and his raging ego, but it shows up sometimes. He is more humble than he used to be though. I’ll admit that.

Guy Fieri: Despite his out of control douche-baggery does like to have a good time and laugh.

- Jeff Mauro: The Sandwich King seems like a pretty affable guy who, unlike Tyler Florence, probably can and does sit around and yuk it up.

- Alton Brown: He’s a pretty funny, nerdy guy who seems have something of a sense of humor.

- Sunny Anderson: Another nice and friendly person who is probably fairly funny and seems like she’d be cool to hang with.

- Ree Drummond: The Pioneer Woman is hard to figure out, but I think she’s probably pretty darn funny. She is also welcome to cook the main course at any big party or function I’m ever attending.

- Ina Garten: This may come as a surprise to you people, but Ina has an excellent sense of humor. It’s just as awkward as her limited social skills, but it’s there and it’s golden.

- The Neely’s: Pat and Gina Neely love to eat BBQ, drink beer, party and laugh. Awesome people!

- Sandra Lee: Anyone who drinks and parties as much as Sandra is going have a great sense of humor. Just don’t let her make the Kwanzaa Cake. Or the Hanukkah Cake. Or probably the Christmas Cake. Actually, just have her bartend.

- Anne Burrell: Maybe a little raunchy for some folks, but Anne loves to laugh and have a good time.

- Trisha Yearwood: All redneck women are funny as hell and Trisha is no exception.

- Duff Goldman: A genuinely funny guy and is probably the most real person of anyone at the Food Network.

*Obviously, if Paula Deen and/or Emeril Lagasse were still at Food Network they would be listed as the two funniest people with the best senses of humor BY FAR!

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