A Message to Recent Graduates

Holaaaaaaaa! I thought maybe I should take some time out of my busy schedule and give some advice to the recent graduates.  And, since I'm no P. Diddy and I wasn't given an honorary doctorate or invited to speak at any graduation ceremonies, I guess I will have to do it here.

To the high school graduates...

- Most of you have now turned 18. Except for the football players who were held back when they were six so they could win a Pee-Wee Football Championship, who are now 19.  This means that you can now buy cigarettes and porn.  Congratulations!  That's pretty much the only significant thing you have going on right now.

- Well except for you 18 year old boys with 17 year old girlfriends.  You can now be prosecuted for SEX CRIMES and be branded a Sexual Offender for the rest of your life by a holier-than-thou District Attorney and local judge.  Both of whom are too busy running for higher office to be concerned with the fair and equal administration of justice.  So, good luck with that.

- Most you will be going on to college next year.  Of those who do, only about half will graduate.

- Those that don't go on to college will be competing for the same few jobs that are available against both the college drop outs and recent graduates.  Hope that works out okay for ya.

- And for the girls who have already had a kid?  Umm .. I dunno.  I guess you can start a Mommy Blog and pretend that you invented motherhood and act as if no other kid has ever done all the cute little things that your kid does every day. 

Ok so here's my real advice to you recent high school and/or college grads…


- Don't pass up opportunities because you think they'll always be there. They won't.

- Do NOT feel pressured to conform to societal "norms."  You don't HAVE to go to college.  You don't HAVE to get married by a certain age.  You don't HAVE to have kids.  You don't HAVE to live your life according to other people's expectations and wants. And NEVER do something like having kids to make others happy.

- Start your retirement planning the minute you join the workforce. Start an IRA or 401K as soon as possible and NEVER let up on it.

- Live below your means.   Don't buy the maximum amount of house that you can afford. Go a little lower than that and save the rest.  Same goes for "toys" like cars, boats and "stuff."

- Be humble.  It's amazing how far showing manners and respect towards others will get you in life.

- Seek diversity in your life.  Seek out people from different backgrounds and different cultures.

- "Think Globally, Act Locally."  Okay, it's a cliché, but it's true.  That $10 you gave to the relief effort in Haiti was nice and it made you feel good.  But, spending a few weekends a year helping to build Habitat for Humanity homes in your town will have 10 times the impact that your $10 to Haiti did.  In your local area there are food pantries, homeless shelters, abused women & children shelters, youth centers, senior centers and many other places and organizations that need your help.

- Be kind to animals, children and elderly people.

- Read and travel.  They both expand the mind and expose you to new ideas, people and places.

- Don't follow one political party or ideology 100% of the time.  Political parties exist to get people elected. They don’t give a shit about the people they supposedly serve.

- Don't be afraid of change and advancements in technology.  Instead use them to expand opportunities for both work and fun.

- Don’t be judgmental of others.  Everyone is just trying to get through life and live their lives to the fullest.  So maybe some people don’t live their life the way you do.  Not your problem.  Live and let live people.

- Take care of the environment.  Don’t throw trash on the side of the road or in the waterways and crap like that.

- Enjoy life.  Take advantage of all the fun it has to offer.  Watch great movies.  Attend great sporting events.  Take in scenic views.  Sit back and laugh with friends and family rather than rushing through and missing out on the fun stuff.  

Okay, so that’s my brilliant advice.  Follow it.  Don’t follow it.  Whatever.  It’s your life after all.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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College Should be as Fun as Miley Cyrus Twerking

As I read Matt’s post yesterday about Ryno’s first day ofcollege I thought back to when I went to college way back in the day.  I had all these crazy ideas about college and how it would change me. I thought that just by going to college I would suddenly be an outgoing, popular guy who had social skills. I think I also believed that I would magically be able to dance and the babes would be all over me.

Shockingly this didn’t happen. I was the same awkward and shy nerd that I had always been. In fact my freshmen year was incredibly boring. I really didn’t do anything much at all. There were none of the big parties that I expected to be attending every weekend. None of the babes hanging all over me that I expected. And when my dorm had some kind of party or dance I would only go and hang out for a little while and then leave. Alone. 

My roommate was a really strange guy. He was a junior architecture major and wasn’t around all that much. We got along great though. Of course, when you only actually see each other once a week, it’s easy to get along.

I didn’t spend all my time in my room watching my little black and white TV though. We had a pool table and ping pong table in the basement. So, that is where I spent most of my weekend nights. Oh sure, there were a few weekends where I would hang out over in another dorm with some other dudes and we would drink beer or anything else that somebody got his hands on and watch a movie (porn). #Thuglife

Sometimes while I was playing ping pong with the other anti-social nerds in the basement at 2 a.m. on a Friday night one of the cool guys with his cool girlfriend would wander through. I always loved that “oh look ... that poor loser is playing ping pong on a Friday night” look from those girls which always made me feel good about myself.

Most of the fun I had at college, and the closest things ever got to the college experience that I had envisioned, happened in my second year. That’s the year I met Big J, Little J, and S. Those are the guys that I went on the road trips with. And the guys that I actually got out and went to parties and other social functions with.

After that year Big J and Little J both moved back to California because it was too boring in Arkansas. I should have moved there with them. Then S got married about a year later. Actually he and his girlfriend dated for almost 12 months, then got married and THEN she moved out less than three months later.

For me college ended up being a colossal waste of time and money. I have a degree in Human Resource Management that has proven to be even more useless that you can imagine. It’s my own fault though because I didn’t stick with a major that I enjoyed and excelled in. I started out as a political science and history major and stupidly switched over to HR. Had stayed with my original major college would have been a more enjoyable and positive experience academically.

Of course God has a plan for all of us and for me it was to eventually become a world famous internet radio star rocking the house at the VMA’s with Miley Cyrus.

My point is that for people like Ryno and others heading off to college this week don’t worry about the future so much that you punish yourself by selecting a major that you don’t really give a crap about simply because you think it will mean a better chance at a job. It won’t. Do what you’re interested in and what you love and somehow it will all work out.

Probably.

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