Greetings From Edward Snowden in Russia

Hola and привет comrades! Edward Snowden coming to you live from Moscow’s Sheremetyevo International Airport!  I’m checking in with everyone via I’m With Stupid’s blog because I know many of you guys out there are worried about me, and more than a few are hoping I die of vodka poisoning. I just want to let everyone know that I’m doing just fine hanging out here at the airport. I love airports. There’s so much to see and do here.

I'm already looking forward to having a hot, sticky Cinnabon first think in the morning. I’m addicted to those  things. This evening I had a delicious meal at the Applebee’s of pirozhki filled with some kind of meat-like substance and, I think, cabbage accompanied by a blini filled with strawberry jam. Just like home!! And of course, there was plenty of vodka. In fact, I might be drinking some vodka as I write this guest post here on IWS.

I’ve also spent a lot of time in the gift shop reading gossip magazines. I know you’re wondering if I was surprised by the Paula Deen scandal and I have to say “Hello? I’ve read her emails, remember?” In fact, just who is this mystery person who alerted the National Enquirer to this story? Hmmmmm

I’m also reading a couple of good romance novels. I don’t know how old they are, but they both have Fabio on the cover. I started to read some Robert Ludlum, but that shit hit a little too close to home, if you know what I mean.  I’ve also spent a lot of time listening to IWS Radio. Man, that NSA Employment ad just killed me! I was laughing so hard everyone was looking at me funny.

A lot of people have asked why I went to Hong Kong. That’s easy! I have a thing for Asian chicks. I’m not really that complicated of a guy. Asian chicks are just so damn cute and sweet and loving. I was really looking forward to being granted asylum and settling down with a petite Asian hottie and living the good life somewhere in Asia not called “North Korea” but, it wasn’t to be.

Why Ecuador now? Again, it’s very simple. If I can’t have an Asian chick, and thanks to the Hong Kong

government I guess I can’t, then my next choice is a Latina. Plus, I’ve always wanted to visit the Galapagos Islands and play with the Giant Tortoises there. You know those things can live 150 years or more? Crazy!

Am I a hero or a traitor? Well, if you’re a hot Asian or Latina, I’m definitely a hero. More of an international man of mystery really. I’m a notorious sexy American spy who stole … I mean, obtained a lot of sensitive intelligence documents and leveraged them into a pretty nice life of leisure. If you’re anybody else, I guess I’m just a man who was shocked … SHOCKED I TELL YOU … at the atrocities OUR government was committing in terms of invading the privacy of American citizens! That was truly my only motivation. The truth shall set you free, amirite?

Okay, so maybe I turned some of those intelligence secrets over to the Chinese government. It’s not my fault though. I thought they were going to provide me with $10,000,000 USD (and an Asian hottie) in exchange for the information. You can understand how tempting that was, right? Anyway, all I got for it was a coach ticket on Aeroflot to fucking Moscow. I was soooo bummed. The bastards double-crossed me! You just can’t trust anybody these days.

Did I also share intelligence info with the Russians? I’m still alive aren’t I? Seriously, there wasn’t even a discussion about it. I’ve seen plenty of movies and I know what they Rooskies are capable of. Besides, Putin likes to poison people … Allegedly. Doesn’t sound like a good way to go to me.

So, now everyone is updated on my well-being. Thanks to Matt and Jay for letting me post here. Sorry I hacked into Blogger and posted without telling you guys first. It’s an old habit.  Anyway, if anyone needs to contact me give my homeboy Jayman a holla. He’ll get in touch with me. I better go before the Taco Bell closes. This vodka really gets to me fast.

“Rossia - sviashennaia nasha derzhava,
Rossia - lubimaia nasha strana!
Moguchaia volia, velikaia slava -
Tvoio dostoianie na vse vremena! ….”

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

P.S. Jay, you should probably delete a couple of those pics off your phone before you accidentally forward them to the wrong people. Just sayin’.